Wolfmother

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Wolfmother, before their debutt LP was released.

“The first time I heard that "Woman" song, I thought it was Led Zeppelin.”

~ Mike Patton on Wolfmother

Wolfmother is a Led Zeppelin tribute band from Australia. They are very popular for being retro, further proving the stupidity of the average music listener. They are also proudly an all gay band, kind of like The Village People.

[edit] Band Members

The guitarist, Andrew Stockdale, is very hairy. He is strongly suspected of being an alcoholic, and his belief that Wolfmother are actually doing something original may be proof of this. He has a huge afro, which is clearly a rip-off of Buzz Osborne's from the Melvins. It is estimated that within four years, his afro will grow sentient and conquer the world. It will also beat out Claudio Sanchez's and Omar Rodriguez-Lopez's fros in a Celebrity Death Match. Stockdale is known to be delusional, taking himself quite seriously, becoming irritated at the frequent comparisons to earlier bands leveled at Wolfmother. He firmly believes that he and his band are breaking new ground and making musical statements with their sound and lyrics. There are several theories about this which are listed below:

• 1. He is a purely and simply, a Wanker.

• 2. He is not actually delusional, rather, a marketing and psychological genius. Knowing the attention span of the average member of the public is only 20 minutes, Stockdale has meticulously crafted and manipulated previously successful musical material into Wolfmother, gambling, some say, correctly, that the average music consumer would not realise they are being actually buying re-recycled music and are being conned.

• 3. Stockdale was abducted by Aliens. The bones of this theory is that Stockdale and Wolfmother have not knowingly plagiarised anything. Sometime in the early 1950's, the members of the band were in fact abducted by aliens. They were returned to earth, with their memories of the abduction erased, sometime in 2004 and thus have no knowledge of the late 1960's or 1970's. There is anecdotal evidence to support this theory in Stockdale's own statements, where he states that he has only "listened to like, 4 songs by those bands" (Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin et al).

The bassist, Chris Ross, is also quite cool. He sucks at the keyboard though. He is known for randomly karate-chopping the keys with a blindfold on. He just had a baby this year. In keeping with the derivative theme of Wolfmother, this child is known to have a striking resemblance to any of the Osbourne children.

The drummer, Myles Heskett, is not very cool. Not much is known about him, but he does do drugs, which earns him some points with young adults throughout Australia.

They are known for striving to sound exactly like Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath, and succeeding with flying colors.

Recently, drummer Myles Heskett and bassist Chris Ross left the band to start a new band that nobody will care about. Also because Andrew Stockdale was so hairy. Stockdale has stated that two American dillweeds are going to fill the void Heskett and Ross created. The new lineup includes a jolly drummer who can't play New Moon Rising at a constant tempo (further fueling rumours that Stockdale not only writes all instrumental parts, but also plays each instrument on studio recordings) and a mildly deformed, less talented clone of Stockdale on rhythmic guitar. Bassist, Aidan Nemeth, is a suspected victim of facial hair.

[edit] Cosmic Eggs

Upon the 2009 release of Cosmic Egg, it has been theorized that the cosmic egg is, in fact, a device assisting Stockdale in achieving a perfectly spherical "afro" hairstyle. Other advocates of the cosmic egg include Cedric Bixler Zavala of Mars Volta fame, and Lindsay Buckingham before male pattern baldness set in.

[edit] Discography

• Led Woman (2003)
• Black Woman (2003)
• Paranoid Woman (2004)
• Led Woman II (2004)
• Master of Women (2005)
• Led Woman III (2005)
• Led Woman IV aka WOMANSO (2006)
• Woman Bloody Woman (2006)
• Womantage (2007)
• Technical Woman (2007)
• Never Say Women (2007)
• Womanly Graffiti (2007)
• Women And Hell (2008)
• Womansence (2008)
• The Woman Rules (2009)
• The Woman Remains The Same (2009)
• In Through the Out Woman (2010)
• Woman Again (2010)
• White Woman (2010)
• Unicorn Woman (2010)
• Feathered Woman (2010)