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Today's Featured Article -

Recently featured: Laughter

Yesterday's Featured Article - Laughter

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Laughter , or laughing, is a common bodily function which has been proven to be linked with several different phenomena. These range from wetting yourself like a idiot to ritualistic human sacrifice (possibly linked with Christians and other deity worshiping cultists).

The term "laughter" is thought to been coined in the late 1700's or possibly the early 1800's by Paul Laughing. Paul originally wanted the act of what we know today as laughing to be named carrying (after his wife Carrie). He remained adamant in this until approximately 6.15 PM when Paul returned home from work (Paul worked at the Ministry of Names and Verb Innovation) to tell his wife the news. After his wife explained to Paul that carrying was already a verb (meaning to carry), Paul renamed the verb to laughing (coincidentally Paul's surname). It took three weeks for the change to take effect; during this time people were 'carrying' at some of the worlds first jokes.

Laughter is widely considered to be the best medicine. But this theory has often been thrown into doubt - laughter has never really cured anything. Nurofen, cough syrup and chemotherapy cure - v ss. Laughter just makes all of these things seem a lot funnier, enabling others to laugh at your misfortune. When was the last time you laughed yourself better when you broke your arm in that skiing accident? I’m willing to bet never. Laughter is nothing more than an expression of amusement and should not be used medicinally to cure any ailments. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Sony, featured on 25 September 2013. See the featured version.
Horseshoes (game), featured on 25 September 2011. See the featured version.

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In the news:

On this day...

Drunk

Rare image of the invention of alcohol.

September 25: Pastafarian New Year's Eve

  • 75 BC - Julius Caesar assembles a small army to punish the prophet Mosey for ransoming him at too low a cost.
  • 10,000 BC - Alcohol invented in ireland
  • 20 - God invents Grues to punish Jews who prosecuted Jesus.
  • 879 - Vikings find the word "Viking" offensive. Change name to Berserkers.
  • 1832 - 604th day in a row of no news to report.
  • 1833 - Meteor shower destroys Paris. Rioting ensues.
  • 1936 - The great prophet Barry Foster is killed by an unplugged electric model tram whilst convening a Burns supper; he is subsequently devoured by his guests as part of the main course.
  • 1992 - 10am - A young Tony Blair meets a one eyed Scotsmen and falls in love.
  • 1992 - 1pm - Tony realizes he's a dick and begins an elaborate 14 year plan to screw him and the country over when he leaves.
  • 1999 - Britain's Millenium Dome is voted 'most useable structure' for the new millennium
  • 2002 - Some girl in Kentucky is raped after a terrible accident by a guy with a triple B; pregnancy ensues.
  • 2006 - You log on and view Uncyclopedia; millions die.
  • 2007 - Large dome shaped roof for sale,little used, one careless owner, offers invited.
  • 2009 - Cowboys owner Jerry Jones' head declared useless dome, sold at auction for $12.53 (US) (€ 9,000,402) for cookie fundraiser for new pool table.
  • 2017 - Conservative Prime Minister David Cameron loses landslide to newly formed Conehead Party. Liberal Democrats enter into Liberal Conehead coalition government.
  • 2017 about 2 minutes later - David Cameron and Nick Clegg announce that they will divorce, as Nick "has a new bloke, and he is a Conehead!", a teary Cameron said.
  • 2018 - Tony Blair and Gordon Brown announce that they will organize benefit conference for one eyed hot Scotsmen. Action heavily criticized by newly elected Conehead Party/Liberal Democrat coalition government.
  • 2020 - Nick Clegg spontaneously explodes during debate on debating debates. No one in coalition notices. Clegg named a master debater.

Today's featured picture

MP Truman2

August 6, 1945: After being given superpowers by the Manhattan Project, Harry S. Truman, the Truman Torch, personally drops the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, Japan, signalling the beginning of the end of World War II.

Truman's flight was the culmination of the Manhattan Project, a sustained secret project by the United States military to develop superpowers in order to resurrect the American Justice Coalition. Because superhero technology was so valuable, the project was disguised as an effort to create a nuclear bomb, a deception that was so complete that the nuclear bomb was also developed. Subsequently, all American presidents have been endowed with superpowers and occasionally fight together as the New American Justice Coalition.

Image Credit: Isra1337
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