WiFi

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Wifi
Uncyclopedia provides WiFi access for all its users.

“WiFi will be obsolete once the wireless Internet is perfected.”
~ Oscar Wilde on WiFi

“In Soviet Russia, data transmits YOU!”
~ Russain Reversal on WiFi
“Where exactly do I go to get WiFi?”
~ almost any person on WiFi

WiFi (pronounced Wi-Fi) or also known as Wire without the electrical fire is a standard of data link transportation between wireless networks via frequencies in the electromagnetic spectrum. WiFi allows computers and mobile devices to access a local network or even the Internet without being wired. It is used as an alternate for running Ethernet cable through buildings by a networking cannon.


edit History

edit Before WiFi

Wire coat hanger
Straightening the wire coat hanger will void the warranty and will not be eligible for repair.

Before the introduction of WiFi, several technologies had been used to implement an easier method to computer networking. The metal coat hanger method was popular choice for wireless networking. When the coat hangers were hung from a coat rack facing in the direction of the magnetic North Pole, it is possible to receive signals by hooking it up to the Ethernet jack of a computer using a device called a bridge. However, the use of this method requires the user to wear a tinfoil hat to protect inadvertent mind control[1].

Other devices or methods, although less popular, used were the Invis-a-net, Packet Pidgin, and sending signals using earthquake tremors.

edit The creation of WiFi

Antenna
The technology of a WiFi tower may shoot eye beams if necessary to destroy cheap stakes.

WiFi was first established in 1996 by the IEEE. Technicians were fed up trying to get knots out of Ethernet cables and complained to the managers. The managers grumbled and sought a quick solution.

Cquote1 Augh. These cables. Do something about them! They are all around us. We have wireless electricity. Why can't we have cable-free cables?[2] Cquote2

The wireless light bulb was lit. Developers at IEEE worked day and night to create a network system that did not use any cables. Finally on January 5th, the WiFi protocol and technology was made a standard.

Since then, the reception of WiFi has been strong with little noise or interference from neighboring technologies. The transmission of this technology reached a frame burst in North America and Japan, while the preamble in other countries gradually ramped up speed to 54 other countries. Clients who invested in WiFi technology agreed and authenticated that WiFi will be a service set identifier in wireless data communication. WiFi still gains bandwidth today.

edit The Problems with Wifi

There are several inherent problems with using WIFI, especially in small buildings such as that as the family home. Scientists discovered that when no one is using the internet within the wifi area (also known as the 'hot zone') the internet has to spill into somewhere. This is usually out the chimney in most home, however, for those that do not have this convenience windows must be opened to prevent wifi build up. Wifi build up can cause cancer, as found out by Dr. Grog of the University of Southampton. Other problems with wifi are corners, where wifi internet can easily get caught. This problem can easily be solved, and if you find that your internet is slow, a gently waving motion toward the computer can speed the connection up. Newer houses in the UK are made without corners, and instead have rounded edges.

Another problem with Wifi is that its status as a limitless yet valuable resource had led to the advent of douchey guys who go to StarFucks in turtlenecks with their macbooks and drink a tiny $7 coffee while consuming enough wifi to cover the entire country of Africa.

edit Comparison of WiFi frequencies

WiFi operates on different levels of channels. The following chart illustrates its usages and similarities[3]:

Channel[4] Frequency (GHz) Activity Level Usages Quality
1 2.4003 THIS CHANNEL IS MINE, MINE, MINE!!! KEEP OUT!!!
2 2.4045  ? ?  ?
3 2.41E6 Rarely used A typo in the specification prevents this channel from being used Pobody's nerfect
4 2.4391 Busy Do not disturb Fuming with homework
5 2.4482 Open for 1 second a week Maintenance To be honest it's brilliant
6 2.4666 Going to explode. The protocol's specified default channel. Radiated by all Uncyclopedians VFD
7 2.4691 High. Unfortunately Noobs. Filled with them. Activate anti-newbie device! Erm, the highly polished glass wall. You don't want to know.[5]
8 2.4584 damn son, she's your sister! I'm not allowed to tell you, sorry... its so good it can cause teen pregnancy
9 2.4650 Available for rent Call 1-800-UNC-YCLO “top” quality
10 2.4702 Do these pants make me look fat? ok, that's just racist only if god say so
11 2.4797 about as long as the first half of New Moon and you said I was gay
12 2.4835 Open 7 am to 8 pm The UnBakery: fresh unfood and undrinks So delicious!
13 2.4876 A little too quiet Evil plan? I wouldn't know. I mean[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much] slightly gay or bisexual
14 2.4903 Minimum 100 huffs per day (Guaranteed!) Primary Uncyc-admin-tive communication link Stuffed with stale leftover pie

edit Other applications of WiFi

Spinningglobething
WiFi can be used by the government to monitor your Internet usage or maybe even more? Get me my tinfoil hat!
“My cell phone has a range up to 100 metres! 10 metres indoors of course.”
~ mobile cell phone user on WiFi

WiFi has applications beyond Internet use due to its versatility. Its protocol can be easily adapted to the latest trends without the need of developing an entire new system. WiFi has been extended to refrigerators that automatically receive RSS foods, universal remotes that are even more universal, and to shirts with built-in WiFi music systems.

Recently, WiFi was developed for Cell phones. This allowed people to carry their own cell phones without a long cord. Typically before the use of WiFI, cell phone usage was limited to the length of the phone cord. Any use beyond the length required roaming charges or an upgrade to a increased range subscription plan.

edit References

  1. One possible excuse to wear tinfoil hats as a fashion statement
  2. Watch out for managers flailing desks into photocopiers
  3. Data collected is super accurate to 5 significant digits
  4. Channels 13 and 14 are available to admins only for – uh, secret things. You know, like launching stuff against enemies.
  5. Yeah, you want to know.

edit See also

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