“Give them money”
Winning friends and influencing people is an excellent technique to win friends and influence people! Boy you're sure reading this article well, and you're only up to the second sentence! Your left to right eye movements are so graceful, I can tell you read at at least a 7th grade level. Sorry, I just had to say something. I'm just so impressed! Anyway, winning friends and influencing people was first discussed in a book by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, which you can buy at your local bookstore. Though, I'm sure you have no trouble with making friends at all. You seem so influential. Are you an admin? What with your remarkable good looks, I'll bet you are. Even though you seem pretty canny yourself, I'll bet you'd want to check that book out...you know, just to see how you can improve your already excellent influence and friend making abilities.
But, yes, as I was saying, winning friends and influencing people is a way to raise your social status. Like Oscar Wilde did. He's very popular, especially around these parts. Hey, I bet a smart person like you just loves Oscar. You do? You could talk about him for hours? Oh, go ahead, I'm not doing anything important.
Me too! I can see exactly what you mean. Making up Oscar Wilde quotes on Uncyclopedia is silly. I've been meaning to do something about that for a while, but I'm just so busy. Maybe you could straighten that up?
Thanks! I sure appreciate it. Hey I gotta go, but yeah, it'd be a good idea to pick up that book about influencing people. I have a copy if you'd like to buy it off me. I don't need it anymore...