Windows 8

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(Part of the Microsoft Windows family)
Microsoft Windows 8
8start A screenshot of Windows 8's new "Start Screen", showing off Microsoft's newfound originality.
Windows 8 Website
Release information
Release date: October 26, 2012
Source model: Ketchup
Kernel type: Sanders
Support status
Available from all good retailers at affordable prices *cough* *cough*

Windows 8 is Microsoft's latest computer virus that installs on your hard drive just like an operating system. It was released on
26th October 2012 and took 24 years to develop, and so far has lost Microsoft $90,000,000.


In 1985, two operating systems were being planned out by the Blinky Smoked Meats and Fishes company, which would later become Microsoft. One was a primitive DOS-based 8-bit system codenamed "Lansing", and an NT-based 128-bit OS codenamed "Whore". In alpha tests, Whore would freeze and crash because its graphics system was incompatible with the primitive computers of yesteryear, so they ditched Whore, and continued on with Lansing, which would be released as "Windows 1.01".

22 years later, when new, more graphically enhanced technology was being developed, they started working on Whore again. Unfortunately, it couldn't be completed by the deadline, so Microsoft was forced to merge Windows 7 and the iPhone's codes and repackage it as Windows 8.


For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Windows 8.

Windows 8 is the greatest...all hail Lord Bill Gates...Windows 8 is the greatest...all hail Lord Bill Gates...Fuck Apple...

Real Reception

Windows 8 universally got negative feedback that had absolutely no positive reception, by the morons who pretend to be pros that they asked to test this OS's non-existant awesomeness. They expected something good, but got something totally unoriginal. PC World gave it a 0.5, the only rating they can give something that is crap, like anything Microsoft.

The disaster that this OS caused macs so much pain with lots of non-existantawesomeness of Windows 8 caused Microsoft to gain nothing, and lose $90,000,000, and Bill Gates was so happy he was not going to heaven, but still got kicked out of his posh mansion. You can see him on the corner of 98th and Woodinville in Redmond, working as a guy who helps people. A.k.a. a prostitute.

Easter eggs

  • Typing "Should've got a Mac" on any part of Windows 8 will cause a grue to pop out of your monitor and eat you.
  • Typing "Fry up my computer" and pressing Enter will cause Windows 8 to eat 9GB of RAM and your computer will catch fire.

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