edit Early Life
Though recognized only by his white name (Windemere) for most of his life, Windemere was born Shlomo Tevyah in a jewish round near Moskva River, Russia. Young Shlomo was kidnapped by a mob of angry Bolshevik pirates, who terrorized his Russian neighborhood in 1894. At only age ten Shlomo was swept up in the early Twentieth Century international slave trade, traveling through three continents before finally being purchased by Ernest Hemingway in a Zambian brothel in 1931 for a pack of smokes and 15 boxes of tampons.
edit The Hemingway Affair
Ernest Hemingway, who was widley known for the brutal treatment of his jewish slaves, savagely beat Windemere with the cover of Harold Loeb novels, twice a day until his death in 1961. Despite their perplexing 30-year love affair, Hemingway was known to chase Windemere around his 40-acre estate with rifle in hand for not conceiving their love child. Windemere, originally from Moskva River, Russia, attempted escape several times with no success. He had his left thumb bitten off by Hemingway's sister, Marcelline, after his 1931 escape attempt. While being chained at the stocks for his public whipping, punishment for hiding a makeshift Torah, Windemere shouted out that his true name was Shlomo, not Windemere. He had long dreamed of visiting his Russian homeland and frolicking with his native jews. Windemere, shamed by his horribly disfigured left hand (chewed and later burned as punishment in 1932), would keep the hand hidden from view the remainder of his life (note his 1933 portrait).
Windemere committed suicide in the basement of Hemingway's Ketchum, Idaho home on July 1, 1961. Windemere's death sent Hemingway spiraling into a deep depression that would prompt Hemingway to take his own life on July 2, leaving behind a suicide note professing his undying love for "tiny Windemere's tasty, jewish buttocks and his know-how with self-sodomy and a nice square Scotch bottle."