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Wind is a type of Martial arts technique which focus's on using the ass as ones main weapon, Wind is short for the official name of the Technique which is Wind Tai-Ash, it is becoming a very popular form of martial arts, specifically within Italy and Brazil, the history of "Wind" is long and very boring, but one must read all eighty nine thousand, two hundred seventy six tomes written by previous Wind Warriors if they wish to become a full fledged Wind Warrior themselves.
Wind was founded in 260 BC during the Reign of the Hue-Jass balls Dynasty which sucked on China, while the true founder of Wind is still debated over, many believe it to have been Budda himself who founded Wind Tai-Ash, as he was notorius for sitting on his ass all day.If one is to believe Budda founded Wind, then this would explain why Budda was able to walk with his Ass Cheeks alone, which is why he always appears to be sitting, for he concetrated all his power and Wind on his ass, giving him a enlightment that would allow him to found Buddhism.
After Budda ascended to the Heaven of Asses, Wind became a qausi-assassin guild working for the Chinese Rulers, these Wind Warrior took out Dissenters against the Wind thrown, using the mighty power of their ass to take out these Enemies to the state.
It is a widely held belief that wind is a man made. Supporters of this theory believe that Al Roker used a time machine to arrive at the biblical ages, at which point he clapped his ass cheeks together resulting in a Bobrossian pseudosonic boom, which ever since has caused the blowing sensation we've all come to know, buy, and sell. Windbottling has since become a $25 billion dollar a year industry.
War with Ninjas
As China and Japan became fierce rivals so did their two para-military organizations, the Wind Warriors of China and the Ninjas of Japan.Recruits from across china were brought into the Wind Ranks, trained in the way of the ass, they were taught numerous techniques such as The Silent Ass Attack or the "Ass Skull-Cruncher", to a Wind Warrior his ass was his weapon, they had no need for girly Ninja Stars or even Swords for that matter, a Man's ass was his greatest weapon and so did they teach the Ninjas this during the Great War.
Three years saw rough Warrior on Ninja action......errr...that is Wind Warriors killing Ninjas, and Ninjas killing Wind Warriors, the war was in the favour of the Warriors as always, and the Girly Ninja's ran back to their fort city known as Tokyo where they invented the first japanese gameshows to confuse the Wind Warriors, but they had forgotten the Wind Warriors were chinese, not silly americans who would not understand such things, what happened after that is known in infamy as the Night of a Thousand Asses where the Wind Warriors broke into Tokyo and ripped off the ass of every ninja they could find, this was seen as a mark of shame to lose ones ass within Wind Warrior culture, the Ninja's surrendered immidately, and they searched for another enemy to rival, which would one day be the great Pirates(Since everyone knows pirates are better, unless your a gay ninja who will probably delete this)
The Twenty-Five Techniques of Wind Tai-Ash
There are exactly Twenty-Five Wind Tai-Ash Techniques, all unique and deadly:
2. Burrito-Ass Attack.
3. The Silent Ass Attack.
5. The Deadly Diarrea.
6. Gas from my Ass attack.
7. Super Saiyan Ass Camaya-Camaya.
8. Golden Ass Beam.
9. I-Dealt it, yu Smelt it.
10. Ass Bomb.
11. Plasma Charged Ass Pulse.
13. Ass Skull-Cruncher.
14. The Blast from my Ass.
15. Hairy Duck.
16. Oprah Ass Attack.
17. Ass of the Monkey.
20. Ass beam of decay.
21. Hell's Kitchen.
22. Sweet Home Asslabama.
23. The Ass Parade.
24. Editing Ass-ipedia.
25. Super Ultra Mega Uber Ass Beam of Destruction.