Wilson
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“My name is Voight, dumbass!”
~ Voight on Peter Griffin calling him Wilson
Wilson the Majestic Volley Ball was created in 238 BC by Satan as proof to God that he wasn't a total jerk. God however, did not buy into Satan's plan, and Satan ended up stuck with a stupid fucking volley ball. Believing that all hope was lost, Satan chucked Wilson into a fiery pit of lava in despair. Somehow during this process, Wilson became a living, breathing organism and proceeded to kick Satan's ass in a fit of rage. Angry and humiliated, Satan cast Wilson out of Hell for the rest of eternity. And people named Richard Wilson as well as Wilson Hallett.
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[edit] Early Life
Wilson was demoralized by his exodus from Hell and appealed to God for a home. God, in his infinite love and wisdom, called Wilson a fag and told him to GTFO. Deeply emotionally hurt, Wilson abandoned the spiritual world and came to Earth to raise all sorts of hell and cause much misery to the struggling human species. It is rumored that Emperor Nero of the Roman Empire was actually Wilson wearing a fancy wig and face paint. These rumors have yet to be confirmed.
[edit] Domination of the Human Race
Sometime around 1034 AD, Wilson was elected Pope. How a volley ball managed to become the leader of the Catholic Church is unknown, but it is believed to be the result of the voters being a bunch of fucking idiots. Ten years after attaining this position, Wilson was also elected President of the United States of America. This was no small feat considering America wasn't even an independent nation until 1781. With access to a Catholic army, and a large array of weapons, Wilson started World War 3, almost 900 years BEFORE the other worlds wars. While he planet grew increasingly confused with Wilson's apparent time travelling ability, our not-so-heroic volleyball stole everyone's underwear and held them to ransom until he was proclaimed King of the World for life. He was also in his early days decleared as a pimp.
[edit] Wilson in the Present Day
By 1989, God had gotten sick of his people being contolled by a retarded looking spherical object. This lead him to giving Wilson the greatest gift of all - becoming human. Unfortunately God screwed up and Wilson still looks retarded. To Wilson's even greater shame, nobody actually remembers that he is King of the World for life - not even Wilson (a result of his retardedness). Wilson is now living in Australia. Go find him. Kill him, and you shall take his place as King of the World. I promise. Just watch out for his powers...
Wilson has also taken form by writing the worst book ever written. The AP government text book. Many children have cut themselves due to reading this books. So students have even gone as far as to try and hunt him down so that they may kill him and all of his family. James Q wilson causes hell. So he maybe banished to hell for killing innocent ap students lives.
BTW- He has also driven a student to beating baby seals with his text book.
[edit] Wilson's powers
- smiling like a retard
- getting drunk
- laser beam eyes
- alcoholism
- enhanced strength
- enhanced speed
- ability to recite the Baseball Encyclopedia
- drinking
- being drunk
- extreme pervertedness
- an extremly large head
- stupidity on a higher level than all else
- whale calling
