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William Roberto Montoya Dante Alighieri Steig (November 14, 1907 – October 3, 2003) was the author of the critically acclaimed literary epic Shrek, widely regarded to be one of the most remarkable works of fiction of the age in the ranks of Lord of the Rings and Paradise Lost.
edit Early life and childhood
William was born to an aristocratic family, the son of wealthy socialites Winston and Wanda Steig. Unfortunately however, his parents were cousins and as the the result of the inbreeding, William was born quite deformed in both body and mind. After he ate the family cat, his parents, not wanting to offend any of their wealthy aristocratic friends, took William and cast him into a nearby lake. He washed up on a riverbank near a forrest and was abducted by a wolf which sort to devour him but he was rescued by a tribe of highly advanced squirrels who raised him in the forrest. The squirrels taught him to read, write and forrage.
edit Quest of Self-Discovery
At the age of fifteen, William decided he wanted to live among humans and discover what it meant to be a man.
After getting kicked out of rehab for trying to make a nest in Amy Winehouse's hair, he went on to try and find his parents only to discover that they were in fact dead. They died of shame after Lord Marlborough Cavendish and his wife caught them eating meat with their salad forks during a dinner party at Buckinton Hall. It had been a long week.
edit The Cambridge Years
After visiting his parents graves, William, who was highly intelligent as the result of being raised by ingenious squirrels, applied for a position at Cambridge. Naturally with his brilliant mind he was excepted. His fellow students at Cambridge, including the now famous Philip Pullman have described William as being "Charismatic, intelligent, witty and eccentric, filled with all the intellect of Greek scholars and all the passion of the wildeness." His eccentricities such as swinging on the chandeliers whilst crying "AAAAAAAAAAA!" also drew attention, as did his habit of climbing the rooves and eating pigeons.
It was whilst at Cambridge that he began writing what was later to be regarded as his magnum opus; the stirring fantasy novel that was Shrek.
edit Publishing sensation
Soon after leaving Cambridge, aged eighteen, William published Shrek. Naturally it took the Western World by storm. Critics raved, praising William as "the Milton of the twentieth century]] and declaring his book "a shining achievement, a an odyssey in the ranks of Dante's Inferno and The Hobbit.
One chap wrote:
“There is something of Hans Anderson's power to evoke and Tolkien's ability to control”
while another said:
“An evocative work of Gothic fiction, Shrek contains all the moralistic brilliance of the Grimm Brothers and all of HP Lovecraft's bizarre genius and originality.”
Other critics, shockingly, were not so kind. An anonymous user of LOLForum@ED commented
“tihs sux lulz”
BLASPHEMY OF BLASPHEMIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When we find who wrote this comment we'll hang him with his own entrails and leave his eviscerated remains for the vultures to pick at. So there.
Steig's long and vigorous life came to a tragic end when he committed suicide on the sixth of July 2006 by taking a drug-overdose. There was a national day of mourning to honour his demise. Steig's untimely suicide has been attributed to the crushing review on LOLForum@ED. There are rumours however that Steig was a manic depressive who drank excessively and was allegedly addicted to morphine. Steig's wife, Zelda Farqelharsen-Steig had this to say
“None shall miss dear Willy more than I. He was a brilliant man, talented and eccentric and full of the vibrancy of life and yet like the best artists, tortured by a constant need for self-betterment. He was too good for this world and we shall all miss him dearly.”
Allegedly Steig was also a closet homosexual who was driven to suidice by sexual repression as well as his unreciprocated love toward Heath Ledger.
edit Impact on Culture
- Andrew Adamson, the author of Shrek 2, an unofficial sequel to Shrek in the vein of Paradise Regained and Snowball's Chance, is reportedly directing a biopic about Steig's life.
- Joanne Harris is allegedly writing a biography of Steig entitled "Conquering the Ogre Within."