William H. W. Taft was America's 27th President. Often overlooked by historians, he managed to live a nice, long life, with his American-like attitude, and stereotypical overweight stomach.

Early LifeEdit

Taft grew up in Mountain Dew, Idaho. Out of all of his siblings, he was his parents favorite. One time, while attending Mountain Dew High School, he ditched classes, convincing his parents he was sick. He then took his friend and his girlfriend out around Chicago.


Taft entered the presidency with a few goals in mind; to get laid, get stuck in a bathtub, and take down the Soviet Union (not in that order). He did 2/3 of those things, saying "That damned Reagan stole my thunder!"