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“You can't act, Fool. Take this motherfucker down any day.”
Now this is the story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down,
And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there
Ill tell you how I became the terrible actor you know since Bel-Air link title
On west Philadelphia cream cheese born and raised,
On the playground where I usually got hazed.
Chilling out, maxing, relaxing an' lame
And all snortin' some 8-balls outside of Notre Dame.
When a couple of guys who came from hollywood
Asked if I'd bounce with them away from my neighborhood.
They then began to touch me, my mom got afraid,
And said you're going to the hospital to get treated for AIDS. (only the first three episodes of season one)
I begged and pleaded with her the other day,
But she packed my suitcase and sent me on my way
. She took a long piss and she gave me my ticket,
I put my stand man on and said I might as well fuck it.
First class, show this is bad,
Drinking Bud Light while smoking a pound of grass.
Is this what the people of Bel-air livin' like,
Hmm, they all must be white!
I flashed my cock for a cab and when it came near,
the license plate said "FR3SH" and the driver was queer.
If anything, I could say that his ass was bare
But I thought now forget it, "Yo, tug on my hair!"
I pulled up to a house about seven or eight,
And I yelled to the cabby "Yo homes, fuck the Gators!"
Looked at my boner, it told me I was finally there
To sit the throne and trim my ass-hair.
Sir William Smith esquire, the Prince of Bel-Air (Born Dick Hand-on-hiscock September 25, 1968 in a town called Philidelphia) tragically fled from his home when he got in one little fight. He was also reported to have been allergic to all that jazz prior to his tragic death.
During the filming of 'The Fresh Prince Episode II: You know what I'm Sayin' Will was accused, but not found guilty of, racism against his dwarf cousin, Carlton. In his spare time you could find him hustling games of basketball and poker. He may also be found wandering around Bel Air, harrasing anything in a skirt and generally being a God. A true American pastime.
Will Smith is also not really from earth. Like Zeus he is a god who came to earth to make humans worship him and make him money.His shows and movies hypnotize people into loving him and making him tons of money.
He is also known for being the luckiest twat alive
Will Smith in Prison
When a couple of thugs who were douchebags since birth
Started movin' product on to my home turf.
I got in one gun fight, bullets rained like hail,
The cops came, shot me down, and then put me in jail.
I... pulled... up to the prison around seven or eight,
And said to the cop, "Yo homes, fuck this place!"
The door slammed behind me when the guard threw the switch
20 to life and I'm somebody's bitch.
Damn, what's with all of these Fresh Prince parodies? Who the fuck wrote this article, Weird Al Yankovic?
Will Smith spent most of his life as royalty, overseeing the 'hoods and the homeboys of Bel Air. Through the critically acclaimed "Men in Black" documentaries of 1997 and 2002 starring Will Smith and his boyfriend/father figure Tommy Lee Jones, detailing his difficult and sometimes dangerous reign as Fresh Prince of Bel Air, he has gained international recognition for this difficult work, and has become one of Bel Air's most beloved Fresh Princes. He also ran against Darth Television for Fresh Prince of Television and lost.
It is worth noting that Will Smith (hereafter referred to as "His Freshness") was declared "greatest rapper - ever" by Stephen Hawking, the worldwide expert on such things. In fact, hawking announced this by actually speaking, instead of letting that little computer-thingy do the talking for him, and the effort speaking necessitated was so great that the honorable MC promptly died. Luckily His Freshness touched Hawking with his magic green thumb and brought him back to life, which was very considerate, all things considered. By the way, that's a lame radio show on NPR, which happens to stand for No Pooping Robots, and Pooping Robot is incidentally a name which is occasionally given to Hawking, because that's basically what he is. Anyway, will smith is really cool and one time he sang a song that had the line "Momma uh, momma uh, momma uh-uh-uh" which is vaguely sexual. And he was a good rapper. BEST ACTOR EVER wild wild west BITCHES!
His musical career is extremely noted and respected, singing the soundtrack and title songs to Wild Wild West and Men in Black, songs that consisted of the title being repeated 78 times.
Then things started going down the drain for William when he was recruited by Neo-Nazi overlord Tom Cruise into the Church of Scientology. Jesus later came to him in his sleep, not only to feel him up, but to warn Will about the harms of this religion. Jesus killed everyone on Earth to show what Lord Xenu will do to Earth when he arrives. Not only did this not help at all, but Will also got the inspiration to make the documentary "I am Legend" and starred in it. Jesus, going home a failure, was then savagely beaten by Mel Gibson and was sent to bed without supper.
Chicken Punching Incident
In June 2001 it was rumoured that Will Smith was forcefully removed from a Dennys because he "mashed" a chicken up with his fists of fury. Witnesses were said to be taken aback by Smiths reaction to a simple autograph request from the distinguished piece of poultry.."He lost his shit..it was truly disgusting" said one onlooker, "His biceps frightened my children...he should be hung for this" said one frightened German woman. "He should have choked the motherfucker" said another less than impartial masturbation enthusiast. The chicken was shaken up, but left hospital the next morning with only minor injuries. Will is now in an intense anger management program and although hes doing well, he still gets the odd urge to "Kentucky Fry a mutha fucka.
Will Smith's Inspiration
A relatively unknown fact about Wilhelm Schmidt is that he got most of his inspiration for his "Bel-Air" days and for his other short lived show; "'Oh Shit! I Fucking Dropped My Soda!' and Other Funny Wangsta Sayings'", from smoking old Elvis records. When asked about this Will Smith giggled and proclaimed "I am the Lord Jesus Christ!" before he went on a pot smoking binge which ended with The Great Chicago Fire of 1871.
When Will's close friend The Pope was asked about his blasphemous outburst he was recorded as saying:
| Grab your glocks when you see Smith
Call the cops when you see Smith,
Who shot me,
But, your punks didn't finish
Now, you 'bout to feel the wrath of a menace
Will Smith was then caught on record responding to this by saying:
| Get out the way, bitch
Get out the way, bitch
Biggie Smalls just got dropped!
Currently Smith is being investigated for more of his "inspiration", that may have come from him huffing kittens during the said fire as people literally melted around him. Instead of helping them, he offed them a fine rare "Peruvian Kitten" to huff tube style. If he is convicted of this serious offense he will be sentenced to produce twelve more years of "The Fresh Prince of the Fresh Produce Aisle", the highly successful Mexican Bel-Air spin off.
Will's Irish Sheep F;;Ker Phase
In west of the country born and raised
in the fields was where i spent most of my days
chillin out maxin relaxin all cool
while shaggin some sheep out behind the school
when a coulpe of farmers said "ur up to no good"
started makin trouble in my neighbourhood
i got in one little fight and my mom got scared
she said "ur movin into town ur bro has a room spare"
we hopped on the bus and as town came near
i seen a field full of sheep and i let out a cheer
my bro said town woman " have no facial hair"
i thought i have to see this lets go on the tare
we strolled into the pub about seven or eight
i yelled at the barman but got served ten minutes later
looked at the woman they had no facial hair
i thought this is to freaky lets get outta here
Holy shit, I'm definitely going to kill somebody if this continues.
Will Smith's Gay Phase
Now this is the story all about how
My preferences got turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute while shaving my hair
to tell you how I became the...what? gay bar? where?
In southern america born and raised
in the church house is where i spent most of my days
touching my weenie relaxin all cool, looking at my friend's balls outside of the school
when a couple of guys who were lookin real good
started touching on me cause I said they could
I had t3h gay sex once and my mom asked where
so I told her at the gay bar by the school right there
I whistled for a lad and when he came near
I noticed he had never had dice in his mirror
if anything I can say that this counts as rare
but I thought nah forget it, yo boy, shave your hair!
I pulled into his house around seven or eight (times)
and I yelled to the laddie yo ho, smell my ass hair!
looked at my wiener it was finally bare
so I sat on his lap and now I'm gay as a *beep*
WHAT THE FUCK! STOP IT IMMEDIATELY!
[Alternate] -- OH, really?! ANOTHER ONE?!
This is a story all about how
Your butt got flipped turned upside down
Now I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
and ponder how disgusted he was at your ass hair
In the west side of Planet Earth born and raised
Playing dress-up is how you spent the most of your days
Sippin tea, textin', waxin' all cool
and all wearin' a bikini outside the pool
When a couple of guys, who were lookin' real good
Started flirtin' with me in my neighborhood
I got in one little porn and my mom started jerkin
and then I wondered when the perspective of this song went to first person
I begged and pleaded, but my mom refused
She bent me over and I got my ass bruised
She gave me a slap and then she gave me my ticket
So I took my clothes off and thought 'might as well lick it'
Torn ass, yo I am sad.
Rubbing cream with a finger, all real fast.
Is that my prostate that I just hit just right?
Hmmmmmmm this might be alright.
I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The same guy was the driver with strap-ons in the mirror
If anything I could say my ass was sore
But I thought "Naw forget it; I don't care I'm a whore!"
I pulled the strap-on out of my butt about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie YO HOMES, FUCK THE GATORS
I went inside to my computer
I looked at it with glee!
Of course, I had to post this on uncyclopedia!
WHAT THE MOTHERFUCKING FUCK. That last line wasn't funny, and it didn't rhyme. I'm going to slap a bitch in the back of the head. This needs to stop. Hey, I've got a great idea! SOMEBODY FUCKING MAKE AN ARTICLE WHERE ALL OF THESE STUPID BITCHES CAN GO POST THEIR MEDIOCRITY! Shit, I'm mad!
Will Smith - Reincarnation of Bob Dole?
There has been evidence that Will Smith was the reincarnation, like that Bob Dole was black, and so is Will Smith. Will Smith is the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and Bob Dole was the Fresh Prince of Kansas. Bob Dole was Confucianist, and The Fresh Prince's writers were also Confucianist. Besides, no one could have such good rhyming skills besides Bob Dole.
Movie tie-in songs
Will Smith is notorious for unleashing hit singles to tie in to his movies. Many of them have been smash hits, however good or successful the movie. But a select few have failed to chart of have otherwise been banned.
The theme song to Bad Boys was nothing more than the Cops theme song, with a rap beat. As such, it failed to chart.
When it came time to release a theme song for Independence Day, Will rapped more about our nation's history than about the actual plot of the movie. Needless to say, the song flopped, but became a huge hit in elevators.
- Yo, yo, yo!
- This is a story all about George
- How he'd free the USA of the wrath of King George
- And we all thought Britain's policies enormously gay
- Tommy Jeff signed Declaration on Independence Day
- E.T. (What, what)
- Kicking E.T.'s ass (Say what?)
- E.T. (What, what)
- Kicking E.T.'s ass (1776)
In 2001, he attempted to write a theme song for The Legend of Bagger Vance, but the record label and studio thought the song was absolutely boring, and the song was never recorded. Here are sample lyrics:
- This is how I golf, this is how I golf (repeat 17x)
- Bagger Vance, fancy pants, millionaire, extraordinaire
- Golfing every single hole, Bill Murray hates that friggin' mole
- Bagger Vance, that's my name; playing golf, that's my game
- Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! (Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!)
Another film Smith released that year, Ali, also had a bland theme song with a heavy rap beat. The lyrics were ripped from Tenacious D's "Tribute," but altered to be about Muhammad Ali. Jack and Kyle sued and won. Therefore, we can't provide any sample lyrics.
I, Robot was moderately successful, with Will Smith rapping over the 1983 Styx pop hit, Mr. Roboto. The song actually featured Dennis DeYoung providing backing vocals. It reached #15 on the charts in 2004.
- Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto (4x)
- Domo Arigato, for being my maid
- Roboto is your name, Robottin' is your game
- What's a man to do when a robot is accused
- Of murdering a man, we lock him up, we can?
- Thank you very much, thank you very much
- Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto (8x)
- **Dennis DeYoung**
- Thank you very much. Mr. Roboto
- For helping me escape, from Will Smith, the Fresh Prince
- Thank you (Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto), etc.
Will Smith grew musically exhausted when it came time to do a song for I Am Legend. So he decided to record a rap version of The Monster Mash. The song sucked so badly that Bobby "Boris" Pickett rose from the dead to destroy all remaining copies of the recording.
His current single, "Hancock," isn't doing very well. Not because of the music industry slump, but because of the song lyrics:
- Han to the cock (8x)
- The black Superman, that's Hancock to you
- Sitting on my ass and a-drinking's all I do
- Don't wanna save the world, wanna repair my image
- I don't even care that nothing much rhymes with image
- A blond kid cussed me out, called me a asshole
- Wait a sec, ain't he the kid from Rob Zombie's Halloween?
- Damn, he needs an Oscar for playing Myers well
- My Hancock's gonna rock, but this song's an epic fail
- Han to the cock (7x)
- Hancock, bitch!
- **Jason Bateman rap**
- When I say Han, you say Cock!
- Han! (Cock!) Han! (Cock!)
- When I say Han, you say Cock!
- Han! (Cock!) Han! (Cock!)
- Yo, I'm a PR guy, a Ranger I'm not
- Mr. Hancock saved my life, spill the ending I cannot
- I try to fix his image, make him less of SOB
- We goin' straight to the top, Numba 1 not Numba 3!
- [The chorus repeats while Daeg Faerch calls Will Smith a "Jackass" repeatedly]
However the movie is shredding the box office into smithereens. It is sure to debut at #1.
Will Smith- Does anyone like him?
In a recent poll of a whole bunch of white people from loads of places this question was asked
"Do you like Will Smith?"
The results came in as:
- -20% He doesn't roll with me.
- -50% Definitely not.
- 30% I don't like blacks too much, but Will Smith is gold
- -30% Jesus Fucking Christ, no
- 170% hell damn yes. Only a moron could dislike him after hearing "MIB"
23% of those in dissent said they they would hang Will smith over their fireplace as a hunting trophy... It is been rumoured that his former life as Captain Planet has something to do with this. Will Smith is, however, a friend to all robots.
N.W.G.A. (Niggaz With Good Attitudez)In 1986, soon after the formation of N.W.A., Will Smith decided to start his own rap supergroup, "Niggaz With Good Attitudez". The group consisted of Will Smith, DJ "Jazzy" Jeff, Shredded Ice, MC Res(ponsibility), Eazy Obediance, and some other black people. The group received generally poor media coverage, primarily because the theme of most of their songs was obediance, respect, and peace.
In the song "Respect Tha Police", from N.W.G.A.'s 1988 album, "Straight Outta Bel-Air", Smith raps about respecting the local police, helping out in your town, and taking responsibility for your actions:
"Respect tha police comin' straight from your community / 'cause the cops promote the peace and the unity of cizizens, in yo neighborhood / you gotta take resonsibility if you wanna do good. / Helpin' me out 'cause I'm a teenager / with a little bit of premature anger / searchin' my car, lookin' for the product / stopping me from endangering my community by selling narcotics"
The song continues like this for several minutes.
N.W.G.A. was consistently criticized by rival rap group N.W.A. for being "gay ass hell", releasing "pussy ass shit", and overall "bein' bitches". During the 1988 MTV Music Awards, Will Smith was assaulted by Ice Cube when Smith complained about Ice Cube's excessive use of the word "nigga". After Smith accidentally stepped on his "sneaks" (white basketball sneakers), Ice Cube spilled his Malt Liquor onto Smith's hair, threw him on the ground, and kicked him for several minutes. When the police arrived at the scene, Ice Cube continued to assault and ridicule Smith, calling him a "bitchass nigga". As he was hauled away by 5 officers, Smith told him to "respect tha police" and that "anger and disobediance will only land you in prison". Ice Cube then broke away from the officers and proceded to rape smith in the monkey-like nature of his actions.
Ice Cube was released from the Compton State Jail after 12 days, Ice Cubes' Asshole was never the same,it now resembled a clowns mouth instead of its original brown palour. Pleading Guilty to 1 charge of Homosexual Actions, and 1 charge of defecation on a public walkway.
"Is dis nigga a joke? Dis shit is wack, naa mean? Will Smith is a bitchass nigga, and any nigga dat likes Will Smith and N.W.G.A. is a disgrace to his race. Naa'm sayin'?"
In 1989, "Respect Tha Police" was nominated for Worst Song of The Century at the MTV Sucka Free Awards. Black people all over the world realized how terrible a rapper Will Smith was, and that was when Smith decided to become an actor. Strangely, he continued to rap even after the break-up of N.W.G.A., though sales were terrible and the music was primarily listened to by White(Even though white people make up 80% of the population of america) people.
After ending N.W.G.A., Will Smith released a solo album entitled "Respectful Behavior" and emphasized the dangers of Malt Liquor, excessive Fried Chicken eating, and drugs. Rival Ice Cube (who had previously assaulted Will Smith) Allegedly confronted him outside a [[7-11], where Ice Cube Proceeded to Molest smith, most notably with a 12" Strap-on.
- Patrick Duffy
- Lesbian "wife" and surrogate mother Jada "Plinko" Smith
- Various other short black men who have no self respect for themselves see Carlton Banks, Martin Lawerence, DJ Jazzy Jeff, that little boy in the movie the Pursuit of happiness whose name is unknown and irrelevant because no one ever so that movie before except for Roger Ebert, Jeffrey his butler and your dad
Battle With David Suzuki
In 2003, certain of his success, Will Smith declared himself Nicest Man On Earth. This was immediately and strenuously denied by environmentalist and convicted dog-smuggler David Suzuki, who stated that while Will Smith had briefly been the Last Man On Earth, he had never been the Nicest. Smith responded by attacking Suzuki with the power of rap, imploring him in delicate meter to "be nice to old people" and "help your parents with the dishes". Suzuki countered by throwing fluorescant lightbulbs at Smith.
The battle escalated to Epic Proportions (At its peak the two were throwing galaxies at each other) until a small child politely asked them where the bus stop was. They both responded apologetically before being run over by an ethanol-powered car driven by an illiterate homeless black man. Suzuki and Smith agreed that this was certainly ironic, then died.
|This article forms part of the series on Scientology|
|Beliefs||Space Opera ~ Xenu ~ Thetans ~ The Sacred Movements of Goa Tse ~ Emo Hitler ~ Anonymous|
|Concepts||The Force ~ Clear ~ Hodgepodge (the hidden truth)|
|People||L. Ron Hubbard ~ Tom Cruise ~ Lestat de Lioncourt ~ Chef ~ Will Smith ~ Captain Caveman ~That Creepy Scientologist "Charity" Fund Collector Guy|
|Enemies||You ~ Me ~ Oprah ~ South Park ~ YTMND ~ 4chan ~ The Holiday Hawk ~ Appliantology ~ Walken! ~ Rick Astley ~ Pacman ~ Horses ~ Italians ~ Anonymous|
- Seven Pounds (2008)
- Handcock (2008) -- NOW PLAYING AT A THEATER NEAR YOU!
- The title is being censored by the general public as Hancock. Some cock haters have even gone so far as to censor it to Han, pissing off Star Wars fans who camped out for tickets to what they thought was "the new Han Solo movie." Female Star Wars fans were disappointed to not see Han Solo's cock.
- It is also interesting to note that the original title was Tonight He Cums (Censored as Tonight He Comes).
- I Am Legend... in Bed (2007)
- I Am Christmas (2007)
- I Am Frigid (2007)
- The Pursuit of Helpless Children (2006)
- I, Fuckwad. (2006)
- Bitch (2005)
- I Am Robot (2004)
- Bad Boys 2: Boys on Boys (2003)
- Legend of Bugger Pants (2001)
- Wild Wild n' Wet (1999)
- Men in Black Chicks (1997)
- Inyourpants Day (1996)
- Bad Boys (do good girls) (1994)
- The Fresh Prince of Bell End(1991-1996)
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