Will Smith

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Will Smith's best mate is a young strapping lad called Steven "the hitman" Turd, they both featured in Fresh Prince Of Bellend, until Steven was sacked for trying to give Will a pokey bum wank in the locker room. Steven was also a professional balley dancer at one point, in which he was obliged to retire when Sir Robert Slasor pinched his balley shoes.
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Will Smith—also known by the typecast Disgruntled Low-Level Authority Figure With A Gun—is an American film actor, former television actor, and hip-hop artist. Though his career began rather inauspiciously, Smith’s titular role in The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air catapulted him into the film industry, of which Smith is now the metaphorical king. Every year, Smith—along with other supposedly talented actors like Tom Cruise, Keanu Reeves, Angelina Jolie and Shia LaBeouf —makes more money than any three Pacific island nations combined, though whether or not he deserves said money is another matter entirely.
   
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==Early Career==
   
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===Hip-Hop===
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Smith began his media career as one third of the hip-hop trio DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince, along with artists Jeffery Townes and Clarence Holmes. The group was fairly successful, and won the first ever Grammy by a rap act. Smith, however, decided to leave the group in the late 1980s in order to move onto bigger and better things.
   
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===The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air===
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After moderate success in music, Smith moved on to the next logical stage of his career: comedy sitcoms on network television. Fortunately for Smith, NBC was looking for exactly what Smith offered—a black man with little-to-no acting or comedic experience. History was made.
   
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What resulted was The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, arguably the sixth-greatest African American sitcom of all time. The program aired from 1990 until 1996, and though it is now largely forgotten aside from its theme song, the real importance of Fresh Prince was its introduction of Will Smith and his acting greatness to the rest of the world.
   
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==Film Career==
   
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===1995-1997: Early Years===
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After moderate success in television, Will Smith moved on to the next logical step in his career: playing the lead in Hollywood blockbuster action movies.
   
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Smith’s Hollywood career began in 1995 when he was approached by sub-par director, cliché enthusiast and noted ADD sufferer Michael Bay to play the lead in director’s [sic] new film [sic], Bad Boys. Though the movie’s gross was only in the low hundreds of millions of dollars, Smith’s riveting portrayal of Disgruntled Low-Level Authority Figure With A Gun made waves around Hollywood: it wouldn’t be long before other shitty directors took notice.
   
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The following year, Bay was approached by anther industry giant: Roland Emmerich. Emmerich was incredibly impressed with Smith’s performance in Bad Boys, and promptly cast the actor in the role of Disgruntled Low-Level Authority Figure With A Fighter Jet alongside Jeff Goldblum and The Dad From Casper in his own retarded blockbuster: Independence Day. Independence Day would prove to be a mega-hit, breaking several box office records, as well as earning the distinction of being the third most-played movie on basic cable, behind only Top Gun and Rocky II. Smith’s acting earned similar distinction, being praised as being “totally derived from earlier works” by many critics.
   
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In 1997, Smith was cast as Disgruntled Low-Level Authority Figure With A Laser Gun (shortened to “Agent J” during shooting) in Men in Black. With yet another success under his belt, Men in Black would prove to be the first high water mark in Smith’s film career.
   
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===1998-2001: The Slump===
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Will Smith had quickly become one of Hollywood’s most successful—and most bankable—actors. In 1998, he accepted the role of Disgruntled Conspiracy Theorist With A Gun in Enemy of the State. The film proved to be a radical departure from Smith’s prior work, and box office revenues reflected it. Smith followed this disappointment with arguably his worst career move: the actor opted out of the role of Neo in The Matrix in favor of doing Wild Wild West. When later asked out this decision, Will Smith simply replied that the part of Neo “wasn’t disgruntled enough.” After the utter failure of West, Smith would have a quiet 2000, before almost killing his career for good the following year.
   
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In 2001, film auteur Michael Mann approached Smith with his project Ali, an ambitious bio-epic about legendary boxer Mohammad Ali. At first, Smith was reticent about accepting the role, as Ali was not comically but dramatically disgruntled, and lacked a firearm. However, the actor finally accepted. Though the film earned him a surprise Oscar nomination for Best Actor, the film—like almost all good movies—had just an adequate box office performance. Smith’s agent quickly dropped him, and the actor’s career looked like it was finished. Smith would have to go back to his roots, which, in the realm of Hollywood blockbusters, meant doing a sequel.
   
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===2002-Present: Back in Form===
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Following the Ali debacle, Will Smith did back-to-back sequels to revive his slumping career. In 2002, he reprised his role of Disgruntled Low-Level Authority Figure With A Laser Gun in Men in Black II, and the following year went back to where it all again with Bad Boys 2 and another classic portrayal of Disgruntled Low-Level Authority Figure With A Gun. Now with two back-to-back hits and $35 million from said hits under his belt, Smith was free to explore the limits his typecast would allow him to go.
   
[[Image:Fresh_prince.jpg|thumb|Yes, he is legend]]
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In 2004, Smith played Disgruntled Low-Level Authority Figure With A Gun And A Prejudice Against Robots in I, Robot, which proved to be yet another success. Smith followed up the success of I, Robot with his acclaimed portrayal of Disgruntled Scientist With A Gun in I Am Legend and Disgruntled Homeless Man With Super Powers in Hancock.
{{Q|You can't act, Fool. Take this motherfucker down any day.|Mr. T|Will Smith}}
 
Now this is the story all about how<br/>
 
My life got flipped, turned upside down,<br/>
 
And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there<br/>
 
Ill tell you how I became the terrible actor you know since Bel-Air
 
[http://http://images.google.com.au/imgres?imgurl=http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/wikiality/images/thumb/8/8f/Will_Smith_Dance.gif/180px-Will_Smith_Dance.gif&imgrefurl=http://www.wikiality.com/Willard_C._Smith,_Jr.&usg=__C-3ba3c_2CY8xdUjcXD78rRZBI4=&h=135&w=180&sz=703&hl=en&start=2&um=1&tbnid=IrzTqm96JUm6JM:&tbnh=76&tbnw=101&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dwill%2Bsmith%2Bdancing%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-US:official%26sa%3DN%26um%3D1 link title]
 
   
On west Philadelphia cream cheese born and raised,<br/>
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==Future Plans==
On the playground where I usually got hazed.<br/>
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Much speculation exists as to what new career Smith will use his Hollywood success to parlay himself into. Some believe that Smith will use his notable-though-moderate acting success to inexplicably parlay himself into politics, a la Ronald Reagan. Most Hollywood demographers, however, are of the opinion that Will Smith’s charisma and appeal to men and women between the ages of 18 and 40 will eventually lead him into running a religious cult. In any event, one thing is certain: Will Smith will achieve levels of success and recognition far higher than what his actual level of talent would preclude.
Chilling out, maxing, relaxing an' lame<br/>
 
And all snortin' some 8-balls outside of Notre Dame.<br/>
 
When a couple of guys who came from hollywood<br/>
 
Asked if I'd bounce with them away from my neighborhood.<br/>
 
They then began to touch me, my mom got afraid,<br/>
 
And said you're going to the hospital to get treated for AIDS.
 
(only the first three episodes of season one)
 
{{Wikipedia}}
 
I begged and pleaded with her the other day,<br/>
 
But she packed my suitcase and sent me on my way<br/>.
 
She took a long piss and she gave me my ticket,<br/>
 
I put my stand man on and said I might as well fuck it.
 
   
First class, show this is bad,<br/>
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==See Also==
Drinking Bud Light while smoking a pound of grass.<br/>
 
Is this what the people of Bel-air livin' like,<br/>
 
Hmm, they all must be white!
 
   
I flashed my cock for a cab and when it came near,<br/>
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* [[Hollywood]]
the license plate said "FR3SH" and the driver was queer.<br/>
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* [[Angelina Jolie]]
If anything, I could say that his ass was bare<br/>
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* [[Keanu Reeves]]
But I thought now forget it, "Yo, tug on my hair!"
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* [[Michael Bay]]
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* [[Money]]
I pulled up to a house about seven or eight,<br/>
 
And I yelled to the cabby "Yo homes, fuck the Gators!"<br/>
 
Looked at my boner, it told me I was finally there<br/>
 
To sit the throne and trim my ass-hair.
 
 
 
'''Sir William Smith esquire, the Prince of Bel-Air''' (Born '''[[Dick]] [[Hand|Han]]{{C|d-on-his}}[[cock]]''' September 25, 1968 in a town called Philidelphia) tragically fled from his home when he got in one little fight.
 
He was also reported to have been allergic to all that jazz prior to his tragic death.<br/>
 
During the filming of 'The Fresh Prince Episode II: You know what I'm Sayin' Will was accused, but not found guilty of, racism against his dwarf cousin, Carlton. In his spare time you could find him hustling games of basketball and poker. He may also be found wandering around Bel Air, harrasing anything in a skirt and generally being a God. A true American pastime.
 
 
Will Smith is also not really from earth. Like [[Zeus]] he is a god who came to earth to make humans worship him and make him money.His shows and movies hypnotize people into loving him and making him tons of money.
 
 
He is also known for being the luckiest twat alive
 
 
== '''Will Smith in Prison''' ==
 
Downtown [[Los Angeles]] born and raised,<br/>
 
In the alleys is where I spent most of my days.<br/>
 
Chillin' out, maxing, just me and my gang,<br/>
 
Selling some [[drugs]], and jerkin' my wang.
 
 
When a couple of thugs who were douchebags since birth<br/>
 
Started movin' product on to my home turf.<br/>
 
I got in one gun fight, bullets rained like hail,<br/>
 
The cops came, shot me down, and then put me in jail.
 
 
I... pulled... up to the [[prison]] around seven or eight,<br/>
 
And said to the cop, "Yo homes, fuck this place!"<br/>
 
The door slammed behind me when the guard threw the switch<br/>
 
20 to life and I'm somebody's bitch.
 
 
----
 
 
Damn, what's with all of these Fresh Prince parodies? Who the fuck wrote this article, Weird Al Yankovic?
 
 
 
[[Image:woll smoth.jpg|thumb|Damn what Happened?!.]]
 
 
== Reign ==
 
Will Smith spent most of his life as royalty, overseeing the 'hoods and the [[gangsta|homeboys]] of Bel Air.
 
Through the critically acclaimed "Men in Black" documentaries of [[1997]] and [[2002]] starring Will Smith and his boyfriend/father figure [[Tommy Lee Jones]], detailing his difficult and sometimes dangerous reign as Fresh Prince of Bel Air, he has gained international recognition for this difficult work, and has become one of Bel Air's most beloved Fresh Princes.
 
He also ran against [[Darth Television]] for Fresh Prince of Television and lost.
 
[[Image:Freshprince.jpg|thumb|Will Smith is... The Fresh Prince Of Persia!]]
 
 
It is worth noting that Will Smith (hereafter referred to as "His Freshness") was declared "greatest rapper - ever" by [[Stephen Hawking]], the worldwide expert on such things. In fact, hawking announced this by actually speaking, instead of letting that little computer-thingy do the talking for him, and the effort speaking necessitated was so great that the honorable MC promptly died. Luckily His Freshness touched Hawking with his magic green thumb and brought him back to life, which was very considerate, all things considered. By the way, that's a lame radio show on [[NPR]], which happens to stand for No Pooping Robots, and Pooping Robot is incidentally a name which is occasionally given to Hawking, because that's basically what he is. Anyway, will smith is really cool and one time he sang a song that had the line "Momma uh, momma uh, momma uh-uh-uh" which is vaguely sexual. And he was a good rapper. BEST ACTOR EVER [[cowboy|wild wild west]] BITCHES!
 
 
His musical career is extremely noted and respected, singing the soundtrack and title songs to Wild Wild West and Men in Black, songs that consisted of the title being repeated 78 times.
 
 
Then things started going down the drain for William when he was recruited by Neo-Nazi overlord [[Tom Cruise]] into the Church of [[Scientology]]. Jesus later came to him in his sleep, not only to feel him up, but to warn Will about the harms of this religion. Jesus killed everyone on Earth to show what Lord Xenu will do to Earth when he arrives. Not only did this not help at all, but Will also got the inspiration to make the documentary "I am Legend" and starred in it. Jesus, going home a failure, was then savagely beaten by Mel Gibson and was sent to bed without supper.
 
 
[[Image:Will-Smith.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Will Smith, The Last Great Fresh Prince, a strapping young lad, with lots of potential.]]
 
 
==Chicken Punching Incident==
 
 
In June 2001 it was rumoured that Will Smith was forcefully removed from a Dennys because he "mashed" a chicken up with his fists of fury. Witnesses were said to be taken aback by Smiths reaction to a simple autograph request from the distinguished piece of poultry.."He lost his shit..it was truly disgusting" said one onlooker, "His biceps frightened my children...he should be hung for this" said one frightened German woman. "He should have choked the motherfucker" said another less than impartial masturbation enthusiast.
 
The chicken was shaken up, but left hospital the next morning with only minor injuries. Will is now in an intense anger management program and although hes doing well, he still gets the odd urge to "Kentucky Fry a mutha fucka.
 
 
 
== Will Smith's Inspiration ==
 
 
A relatively unknown fact about Wilhelm Schmidt is that he got most of his inspiration for his "Bel-Air" days and for his other short lived show; "'Oh Shit! I Fucking Dropped My [[Soda]]!' and Other Funny Wangsta Sayings'", from smoking old [[Elvis]] records. When asked about this Will Smith giggled and proclaimed "I am the Lord Jesus Christ!" before he went on a pot smoking binge which ended with The Great Chicago Fire of 1871.
 
 
When Will's close friend [[The Pope]] was asked about his blasphemous outburst he was recorded as saying:
 
 
{{cquote|''Grab your glocks when you see Smith
 
 
''Call the cops when you see Smith,
 
 
''Who shot me,
 
 
''But, your punks didn't finish
 
 
''Now, you 'bout to feel the wrath of a menace''}}
 
 
Will Smith was then caught on record responding to this by saying:
 
 
{{cquote|''Get out the way, bitch
 
 
''Get out the way, bitch
 
 
''Biggie Smalls just got dropped!''}}
 
 
Currently Smith is being investigated for more of his "inspiration", that may have come from him [[huffing]] kittens during the said fire as people literally melted around him. Instead of helping them, he offed them a fine rare "Peruvian Kitten" to huff tube style. If he is convicted of this serious offense he will be sentenced to produce twelve more years of "The Fresh Prince of the Fresh Produce Aisle", the highly successful Mexican Bel-Air spin off.
 
 
== Will's Irish Sheep F;;Ker Phase==
 
 
In west of the country born and raised<br/>
 
in the fields was where i spent most of my days<br/>
 
chillin out maxin relaxin all cool<br/>
 
while shaggin some sheep out behind the school<br/>
 
when a coulpe of farmers said "ur up to no good"<br/>
 
started makin trouble in my neighbourhood<br/>
 
i got in one little fight and my mom got scared<br/>
 
she said "ur movin into town ur bro has a room spare"<br/><br/>
 
 
we hopped on the bus and as town came near <br/>
 
i seen a field full of sheep and i let out a cheer<br/>
 
my bro said town woman " have no facial hair"<br/>
 
i thought i have to see this lets go on the tare<br/>
 
<br/>
 
we strolled into the pub about seven or eight<br/>
 
i yelled at the barman but got served ten minutes later<br/>
 
looked at the woman they had no facial hair<br/>
 
i thought this is to freaky lets get outta here
 
 
----
 
 
Holy shit, I'm definitely going to kill somebody if this continues.
 
 
== Will Smith's Gay Phase ==
 
 
Now this is the story all about how<br/>
 
My preferences got turned upside down<br/>
 
And I'd like to take a minute while shaving my hair<br/>
 
to tell you how I became the...what? gay bar? where?<br/>
 
 
In southern america born and raised<br/>
 
in the church house is where i spent most of my days<br/>
 
touching my weenie relaxin all cool, looking at my friend's balls outside of the school<br/>
 
when a couple of guys who were lookin real good<br/>
 
started touching on me cause I said they could<br/>
 
I had t3h gay sex once and my mom asked where<br/>
 
so I told her at the gay bar by the school right there<br/>
 
 
I whistled for a lad and when he came near<br/>
 
I noticed he had never had dice in his mirror<br/>
 
if anything I can say that this counts as rare<br/>
 
but I thought nah forget it, yo boy, shave your hair!<br/>
 
 
I pulled into his house around seven or eight (times)<br/>
 
and I yelled to the laddie yo ho, smell my ass hair!<br/>
 
looked at my wiener it was finally bare<br/>
 
so I sat on his lap and now I'm gay as a *beep*<br/>
 
 
----
 
 
WHAT THE FUCK! STOP IT IMMEDIATELY!
 
 
 
'''[Alternate]''' -- OH, really?! ANOTHER ONE?!
 
 
This is a story all about how<br/>
 
Your butt got flipped turned upside down<br/>
 
 
Now I'd like to take a minute just sit right there<br/>
 
and ponder how disgusted he was at your ass hair<br/>
 
 
In the west side of Planet Earth born and raised<br/>
 
Playing dress-up is how you spent the most of your days<br/>
 
 
Sippin tea, textin', waxin' all cool<br/>
 
and all wearin' a bikini outside the pool<br/>
 
 
When a couple of guys, who were lookin' real good<br/>
 
Started flirtin' with me in my neighborhood<br/>
 
 
I got in one little porn and my mom started jerkin<br/>
 
and then I wondered when the perspective of this song went to first person<br/>
 
 
I begged and pleaded, but my mom refused<br/>
 
She bent me over and I got my ass bruised<br/>
 
 
She gave me a slap and then she gave me my ticket<br/>
 
So I took my clothes off and thought 'might as well lick it'<br/>
 
 
Torn ass, yo I am sad.<br/>
 
Rubbing cream with a finger, all real fast.<br/>
 
Is that my prostate that I just hit just right?<br/>
 
Hmmmmmmm this might be alright.<br/>
 
 
I whistled for a cab and when it came near<br/>
 
The same guy was the driver with strap-ons in the mirror<br/>
 
 
If anything I could say my ass was sore<br/>
 
But I thought "Naw forget it; I don't care I'm a whore!"<br/>
 
 
I pulled the strap-on out of my butt about 7 or 8<br/>
 
And I yelled to the cabbie YO HOMES, FUCK THE GATORS<br/>
 
 
I went inside to my computer<br/>
 
I looked at it with glee!<br/>
 
Of course, I had to post this on uncyclopedia!<br/>
 
 
----
 
 
WHAT THE MOTHERFUCKING FUCK. That last line wasn't funny, and it didn't rhyme. I'm going to slap a bitch in the back of the head. This needs to stop. Hey, I've got a great idea! SOMEBODY FUCKING MAKE AN ARTICLE WHERE ALL OF THESE STUPID BITCHES CAN GO POST THEIR MEDIOCRITY! Shit, I'm mad!
 
 
==Will Smith - Reincarnation of Bob Dole?==
 
 
There has been evidence that Will Smith was the reincarnation, like that [[Bob Dole]] was [[black]], and so is Will Smith. Will Smith is the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and Bob Dole was the Fresh Prince of Kansas. Bob Dole was Confucianist, and The Fresh Prince's writers were also Confucianist. Besides, no one could have such good rhyming skills besides Bob Dole.
 
 
==Movie [[money|tie-in]] songs==
 
 
Will Smith is notorious for unleashing [[songs|hit singles]] to [[money|tie in]] to his movies. Many of them have been smash hits, however good or successful the movie. But a select few have failed to chart of have otherwise been banned.
 
 
The theme song to ''Bad Boys'' was nothing more than the ''[[Cops]]'' theme song, with a rap beat. As such, it failed to chart.
 
 
When it came time to release a theme song for ''[[Independence Day]]'', Will rapped more about [[United States|our]] [[Canada|nation]]'s history than about the actual plot of the movie. Needless to say, the song flopped, but became a huge hit in [[Elevator music|elevators]].
 
 
:Yo, yo, yo!
 
:This is a story all about [[George Washington|George]]
 
:How he'd free the USA of the wrath of [[King George]]
 
:And we all thought [[Britain]]'s policies [[Mr. Winkler|enormously gay]]
 
:[[Thomas Jefferson|Tommy Jeff]] signed [[Declaration of Independence|Declaration]] on Independence Day
 
:
 
:[[E.T.]] (What, what)
 
:Kicking E.T.'s ass (Say what?)
 
:E.T. (What, what)
 
:Kicking E.T.'s ass ([[1776]])
 
 
In [[2001]], he attempted to write a theme song for ''The Legend of Bagger Vance'', but the record label and studio thought the song was absolutely boring, and the song was never recorded. Here are sample lyrics:
 
 
:This is how I golf, this is how I golf (repeat 17x)
 
:Bagger Vance, fancy pants, millionaire, extraordinaire
 
:Golfing every single hole, [[Bill Murray]] hates [[wikipedia:Caddyshack|that friggin' mole]]
 
:Bagger Vance, that's my name; playing golf, that's my game
 
:Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! (Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!)
 
 
Another film Smith released that year, ''[[Muhammad Ali|Ali]]'', also had a bland theme song with a heavy rap beat. The lyrics were ripped from [[Tenacious D]]'s "Tribute," but altered to be about [[Muhammad Ali]]. [[Jack Black|Jack]] and Kyle sued and won. Therefore, we can't provide any sample lyrics.
 
 
''I, Robot'' was moderately successful, with Will Smith rapping over the [[1983]] Styx pop hit, ''[[Mr. Roboto]]''. The song actually featured [[Mr. Roboto|Dennis DeYoung]] providing backing vocals. It reached #15 on the charts in [[2004]].
 
 
:Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto (4x)
 
: Domo Arigato, for being my maid
 
:Roboto is your name, Robottin' is your game
 
:What's a man to do when a robot is accused
 
:Of murdering a man, we lock him up, we can?
 
:Thank you very much, thank you very much
 
:Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto (8x)
 
:<br>
 
:<nowiki>**</nowiki>[[Mr. Roboto|Dennis DeYoung]]<nowiki>**</nowiki>
 
:Thank you very much. Mr. Roboto
 
:For helping me escape, from Will Smith, the Fresh Prince
 
:Thank you (Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto), etc.
 
 
Will Smith grew musically exhausted when it came time to do a song for ''I Am Legend''. So he decided to record a rap version of ''The Monster Mash''. The song sucked so badly that Bobby "Boris" Pickett rose from the dead to destroy all remaining copies of the recording.
 
 
His current single, "Hancock," isn't doing very well. Not because of the music industry slump, but because of the song lyrics:
 
 
:Han to the cock (8x)
 
:The black [[Superman]], that's Hancock to you
 
:Sitting on my ass and a-drinking's all I do
 
:Don't wanna save the world, wanna repair my image
 
:I don't even care that nothing much rhymes with image
 
:<br>
 
:A blond kid cussed me out, called me a <choose><option>jerk</option><option>jackass</option><option>asshole</option></choose>
 
:Wait a sec, ain't he the kid from [[Rob Zombie]]'s ''[[Halloween (2007 film)|Halloween]]''?
 
:Damn, he needs an [[Oscar]] for playing [[Michael Myers|Myers]] well
 
:My Hancock's gonna rock, but this song's an epic fail
 
:Han to the cock (7x)
 
:Hancock, bitch!
 
:<br>
 
:<nowiki>**</nowiki>[[Arrested Development|Jason Bateman]] rap<nowiki>**</nowiki>
 
:When I say Han, you say Cock!
 
:Han! (Cock!) Han! (Cock!)
 
:When I say Han, you say Cock!
 
:Han! (Cock!) Han! (Cock!)
 
:Yo, I'm a PR guy, a [[Power Ranger|Ranger]] I'm not
 
:Mr. Hancock saved my life, spill the ending I cannot
 
:I try to fix his [[:Image:cartoon.png|image]], make him less of [[Son of a bitch|SOB]]
 
:We goin' straight to the top, Numba 1 not Numba 3!
 
:<br>
 
:[The chorus repeats while [[Michael Myers|Daeg Faerch]] calls Will Smith a "Jackass" repeatedly]
 
 
However the movie is shredding the box office into smithereens. It is sure to debut at #1.
 
 
==Will Smith- Does anyone like him?==
 
[[Image:I,_walle2.jpg|thum<nowiki></nowiki>b|right|200px|Will Smith is friend of ALL robots. WORD!]]
 
In a recent poll of a whole bunch of white people from loads of places this question was asked<br/>
 
"Do you like Will Smith?"<br/>
 
The results came in as: <br/>
 
*-20% He doesn't roll with me.<br/>
 
*-50% Definitely not. <br/>
 
*30% I don't like blacks too much, but Will Smith is gold<br/>
 
*-30% [[Jesus_Fucking_Christ|Jesus Fucking Christ]], no <br/>
 
*170% hell damn yes. Only a moron could dislike him after hearing "MIB"<br/>
 
23% of those in dissent said they they would hang Will smith over their fireplace as a hunting trophy... It is been rumoured that his former life as [[Captain Planet]] has something to do with this.
 
Will Smith is, however, a friend to all [[robots]].
 
 
== N.W.G.A. (Niggaz With Good Attitudez) ==
 
In 1986, soon after the formation of [[N.W.A.]], Will Smith decided to start his own [[rap]] supergroup, "Niggaz With Good Attitudez". The group consisted of Will Smith, [[DJ "Jazzy" Jeff]], [[Shredded Ice]], MC Res(ponsibility), Eazy Obediance, and some other [[black]] people. The group received generally poor media coverage, primarily because the theme of most of their songs was [[obediance]], [[respect]], and [[peace]]. [[Image:willsmithyo.jpg|thumb|"Shit! They blew up the moon!"]]
 
 
In the song "[[Respect Tha Police]]", from N.W.G.A.'s 1988 album, "[[Straight Outta Bel-Air]]", Smith raps about [[respecting]] the local police, [[helping out]] in your town, and taking [[responsibility]] for your [[actions]]:
 
 
"Respect tha police comin' straight from your community / 'cause the cops promote the peace and the unity of cizizens, in yo neighborhood / you gotta take resonsibility if you wanna do good. / Helpin' me out 'cause I'm a teenager / with a little bit of premature anger / searchin' my car, lookin' for the product / stopping me from endangering my community by selling narcotics"
 
 
The song continues like this for several minutes.
 
 
N.W.G.A. was consistently criticized by rival rap group N.W.A. for being "gay ass hell", releasing "pussy ass shit", and overall "bein' bitches". During the 1988 MTV Music Awards, Will Smith was [[assaulted]] by [[Ice Cube]] when Smith complained about [[Ice Cube]]'s excessive use of the word "[[nigga]]". After Smith accidentally stepped on his "sneaks" (white basketball sneakers), [[Ice Cube]] spilled his [[Malt Liquor]] onto Smith's hair, threw him on the ground, and kicked him for several minutes. When the [[police]] arrived at the scene, [[Ice Cube]] continued to assault and ridicule Smith, calling him a "bitchass [[nigga]]". As he was hauled away by 5 officers, Smith told him to "respect tha police" and that "anger and disobediance will only land you in prison". [[Ice Cube]] then broke away from the officers and proceded to rape smith in the monkey-like nature of his actions.
 
 
[[Ice Cube]] was released from the [[Compton]] State Jail after 12 days, Ice Cubes' Asshole was never the same,it now resembled a clowns mouth instead of its original brown palour. Pleading Guilty to 1 charge of Homosexual Actions, and 1 charge of defecation on a public walkway.
 
 
"Is dis nigga a joke? Dis shit is wack, naa mean? Will Smith is a bitchass nigga, and any nigga dat likes Will Smith and N.W.G.A. is a disgrace to his race. Naa'm sayin'?"
 
 
In 1989, "Respect Tha Police" was nominated for [[Worst Song of The Century]] at the [[MTV]] [[Sucka Free]] Awards. Black people all over the world realized how terrible a rapper Will Smith was, and that was when Smith decided to become an [[actor]]. Strangely, he continued to rap even after the break-up of N.W.G.A., though sales were [[terrible]] and the music was primarily listened to by [[White]](Even though white people make up 80% of the population of america) people.
 
 
After ending N.W.G.A., Will Smith released a solo album entitled "Respectful Behavior" and emphasized the dangers of [[Malt Liquor]], excessive [[Fried Chicken]] eating, and [[drugs]]. Rival Ice Cube (who had previously assaulted Will Smith) Allegedly confronted him outside a [[7-11], where Ice Cube Proceeded to Molest smith, most notably with a 12" Strap-on.
 
 
== Best Friends ==
 
*[[Lord Xenu]]
 
*[[Tommy Lee Jones]]
 
*[[Your Dad]]
 
*Jeff Goldblume
 
Desmond Mathis
 
*[[Patrick Duffy]]
 
*Lesbian "wife" and surrogate mother Jada "Plinko" Smith
 
* Various other short black men who have no self respect for themselves ''see [[Carlton Banks]], Martin Lawerence, DJ Jazzy Jeff, that little boy in the movie the Pursuit of happiness whose name is unknown and irrelevant because no one ever so that movie before except for [[Roger Ebert]], Jeffrey his butler and [[your dad]]''
 
'''See also:''' [[The French Prince of Bel Air]], [[The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air]]
 
 
==Battle With [[David Suzuki]]==
 
In 2003, certain of his success, Will Smith declared himself Nicest Man On Earth. This was immediately and strenuously denied by environmentalist and convicted dog-smuggler David Suzuki, who stated that while Will Smith had briefly been the Last Man On Earth, he had never been the Nicest. Smith responded by attacking Suzuki with the power of rap, imploring him in delicate meter to "be nice to old people" and "help your parents with the dishes". Suzuki countered by throwing fluorescant lightbulbs at Smith.
 
 
The battle escalated to Epic Proportions (At its peak the two were throwing galaxies at each other) until a small child politely asked them where the bus stop was. They both responded apologetically before being run over by an ethanol-powered car driven by an illiterate homeless black man. Suzuki and Smith agreed that this was certainly ironic, then died.
 
 
{{ScientologySeries}}
 
 
[[Category:Actors]]
 
[[Category:Singers]]
 
[[Category:Actors Who Unbefuckinglieveably Suck So Much Balls It's Hard To Imagine What Money Grabbing Cocksucker Gave Them An Acting Role]]
 
 
==Filmography==
 
 
Upcoming Films
 
* Seven Pounds (2008)
 
 
 
Filmography
 
* Handcock (2008) '''-- NOW PLAYING AT A THEATER NEAR YOU!'''
 
**The title is being [[censored]] by the general public as ''[[John Hancock|Hancock]]''. Some [[cock]] haters have even gone so far as to censor it to ''Han'', pissing off [[Star Wars]] fans who camped out for tickets to what they thought was "the new [[Han Solo]] movie." Female Star Wars fans were disappointed to not see Han Solo's cock.
 
**It is also interesting to note that the original title was ''Tonight He [[Cum]]s'' (Censored as ''Tonight He Comes'').
 
* [[wikipedia:Wayne's World#2008_MTV_Movie_Awards|I Am Legend... in Bed]] (2007)
 
* I Am Christmas (2007)
 
* I Am Frigid (2007)
 
* The Pursuit of Helpless Children (2006)
 
* I, Fuckwad. (2006)
 
* Bitch (2005)
 
* I Am Robot (2004)
 
* Bad Boys 2: Boys on Boys (2003)
 
* Legend of Bugger Pants (2001)
 
* Wild Wild n' Wet (1999)
 
* Men in Black Chicks (1997)
 
* Inyourpants Day (1996)
 
* Bad Boys (do good girls) (1994)
 
 
===TV Series===
 
* The Fresh Prince of Bell End(1991-1996)
 
 
{{Rewrite/Hard}}
 
 
[[Category:People]]
 
[[Category:Film]]
 
[[Category:Television]]
 
[[Category:Royalty]]
 
 
[[it:Will Smith]]
 
{{DEFAULTSORT:Smith, Will}}
 
[[Image:[[Image:Example.jpg]][[Image:Example.jpg]]]]
 
 
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Welcome to the end of this article. Thoughts?
 

Revision as of 20:20, July 22, 2009

Will Smith—also known by the typecast Disgruntled Low-Level Authority Figure With A Gun—is an American film actor, former television actor, and hip-hop artist. Though his career began rather inauspiciously, Smith’s titular role in The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air catapulted him into the film industry, of which Smith is now the metaphorical king. Every year, Smith—along with other supposedly talented actors like Tom Cruise, Keanu Reeves, Angelina Jolie and Shia LaBeouf —makes more money than any three Pacific island nations combined, though whether or not he deserves said money is another matter entirely.

Early Career

Hip-Hop

Smith began his media career as one third of the hip-hop trio DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince, along with artists Jeffery Townes and Clarence Holmes. The group was fairly successful, and won the first ever Grammy by a rap act. Smith, however, decided to leave the group in the late 1980s in order to move onto bigger and better things.

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

After moderate success in music, Smith moved on to the next logical stage of his career: comedy sitcoms on network television. Fortunately for Smith, NBC was looking for exactly what Smith offered—a black man with little-to-no acting or comedic experience. History was made.

What resulted was The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, arguably the sixth-greatest African American sitcom of all time. The program aired from 1990 until 1996, and though it is now largely forgotten aside from its theme song, the real importance of Fresh Prince was its introduction of Will Smith and his acting greatness to the rest of the world.

Film Career

1995-1997: Early Years

After moderate success in television, Will Smith moved on to the next logical step in his career: playing the lead in Hollywood blockbuster action movies.

Smith’s Hollywood career began in 1995 when he was approached by sub-par director, cliché enthusiast and noted ADD sufferer Michael Bay to play the lead in director’s [sic] new film [sic], Bad Boys. Though the movie’s gross was only in the low hundreds of millions of dollars, Smith’s riveting portrayal of Disgruntled Low-Level Authority Figure With A Gun made waves around Hollywood: it wouldn’t be long before other shitty directors took notice.

The following year, Bay was approached by anther industry giant: Roland Emmerich. Emmerich was incredibly impressed with Smith’s performance in Bad Boys, and promptly cast the actor in the role of Disgruntled Low-Level Authority Figure With A Fighter Jet alongside Jeff Goldblum and The Dad From Casper in his own retarded blockbuster: Independence Day. Independence Day would prove to be a mega-hit, breaking several box office records, as well as earning the distinction of being the third most-played movie on basic cable, behind only Top Gun and Rocky II. Smith’s acting earned similar distinction, being praised as being “totally derived from earlier works” by many critics.

In 1997, Smith was cast as Disgruntled Low-Level Authority Figure With A Laser Gun (shortened to “Agent J” during shooting) in Men in Black. With yet another success under his belt, Men in Black would prove to be the first high water mark in Smith’s film career.

1998-2001: The Slump

Will Smith had quickly become one of Hollywood’s most successful—and most bankable—actors. In 1998, he accepted the role of Disgruntled Conspiracy Theorist With A Gun in Enemy of the State. The film proved to be a radical departure from Smith’s prior work, and box office revenues reflected it. Smith followed this disappointment with arguably his worst career move: the actor opted out of the role of Neo in The Matrix in favor of doing Wild Wild West. When later asked out this decision, Will Smith simply replied that the part of Neo “wasn’t disgruntled enough.” After the utter failure of West, Smith would have a quiet 2000, before almost killing his career for good the following year.

In 2001, film auteur Michael Mann approached Smith with his project Ali, an ambitious bio-epic about legendary boxer Mohammad Ali. At first, Smith was reticent about accepting the role, as Ali was not comically but dramatically disgruntled, and lacked a firearm. However, the actor finally accepted. Though the film earned him a surprise Oscar nomination for Best Actor, the film—like almost all good movies—had just an adequate box office performance. Smith’s agent quickly dropped him, and the actor’s career looked like it was finished. Smith would have to go back to his roots, which, in the realm of Hollywood blockbusters, meant doing a sequel.

2002-Present: Back in Form

Following the Ali debacle, Will Smith did back-to-back sequels to revive his slumping career. In 2002, he reprised his role of Disgruntled Low-Level Authority Figure With A Laser Gun in Men in Black II, and the following year went back to where it all again with Bad Boys 2 and another classic portrayal of Disgruntled Low-Level Authority Figure With A Gun. Now with two back-to-back hits and $35 million from said hits under his belt, Smith was free to explore the limits his typecast would allow him to go.

In 2004, Smith played Disgruntled Low-Level Authority Figure With A Gun And A Prejudice Against Robots in I, Robot, which proved to be yet another success. Smith followed up the success of I, Robot with his acclaimed portrayal of Disgruntled Scientist With A Gun in I Am Legend and Disgruntled Homeless Man With Super Powers in Hancock.

Future Plans

Much speculation exists as to what new career Smith will use his Hollywood success to parlay himself into. Some believe that Smith will use his notable-though-moderate acting success to inexplicably parlay himself into politics, a la Ronald Reagan. Most Hollywood demographers, however, are of the opinion that Will Smith’s charisma and appeal to men and women between the ages of 18 and 40 will eventually lead him into running a religious cult. In any event, one thing is certain: Will Smith will achieve levels of success and recognition far higher than what his actual level of talent would preclude.

See Also

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