Will Ferrell
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 MEDICAL ALERTPlaying with Will may result in blindness
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Did you mean Will Feral or Will Farel?
“George Bush always finds his man, save for one huge exception.”
~ An example of Will Ferrell not being remotely funny
“Will Ferrell IS NOT FUNNY”
~ Anyone with a brain on Will Ferrell
“I'm sorry, I fucked up! ”
~ God on Will Ferrell
“Will Ferrell IS NOT FUNNY”
~ So important it needed to be said twice!
“Will Ferrell DOESN'T HAVE A PENIS!!!”
~ His Room mate on Will Ferrell
Will Ferrell was an actor best known his lack of humor and talent, and general ability to turn porno into a G-Rated movie. As well as his need to SHOUT JOKES which are MEANT TO BE FUNNY BUT AREN'T. He also did pyrotechnics with his Dick as his alter ego, Miguel Dafhatatass, (and on certain occasions, Farting) for the deathcore metal orchestra. But some believe that he was thrown out of the band because he made a fart so horrifying and so deadly that it killed half of COW BELL the entire crowd and the hazquantification team came and evacuated the entire city. Many believe the highlight of his career was his solo on the Michael Jackson song, McRoll from their best-selling album, The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie. Despite the fact that every single last one of his movies has been horrifically horrible, a lot of people still saw The Dark Knight as Joker's ho. Or The Sons of That Guy.
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[edit] Will's Rough Beginnings
After attempting to devour all of China’s Persian dogs and cats (A.K.A Lunch and dinner), Ferrell was finally placed on the black list to never be hired again. Ferrell continued to apply COW BELLfor jobs as a Shit Cleaner at local churches, while training to be a doctor by giving free mammograms on the streets. It is also now known that in his earlier years, Ferrell was horrifyingly dangerous. It turns out that he was also behind 9/11 and his heroes are Adolf Hitler and Obama G. Lauder dale. He also learned how to take cowbelling to a higher level at his school, Cowbell High School. Will also loves eating sushi and loves playing guitar and loves to play bass but he love to sing on set when ever he get the chance, nnothing better then getting up in the morning and going to dennys and getting the slammer.
[edit] Gay Porn Stunt
There was a short and little known time in Will's life where he was a supporting actor in a few soft core child pornography movies. MORE COWBELL!!!!! These films inspired all the homosexual people to turn "straight". He acted under the stage name Beef T. Taco. His rolls included a scene with B in the critically acclaimed "chAps" and also a starting roll with Jeffrey Dahmer in "2 and a Half Inches" (of course with JH being the 2 and Will making up the other half).
[edit] Stardom
Lorne Michaels discovered Ferrell in an extremely erotic strip club, working as a extremely gay stripper WITH COWBELLS! in VIP rooms, constantly lap dancing on Lorne who eventually hired him to be the first strip teaser to appear on Saturday Night Live. Introducing stripping to the popular night comedy, Michaels hoped to reach ratings of at least three viewers, beyond which the show has ever seen.
Will Ferrell appeared on Saturday Night Live in a provocative male-thong hoping to achieve the sophistication Lorne was searching for. Although Ferrell’s physique of being a fat ass (not as fat as my great-great grandmother's ass though) did not achieve this dream, it finally made audience members laugh, making it the first time this had ever happened in SNL history.
Fearful of creating mass confusion and World War III, however, the Bush administration banned the sketch from ever being aired again and begged Will to never take his shirt off in public again. Still Ferrell has made a common effort to take his clothes off in every one of his movies claiming to be "sticking it to the man."
[edit] Development of Becoming Not Funny
After Ferrell’s big break, Lorne Michaels eagerly strived to keep Ferrell from leaving the show, giving the actor both his house and children as payments making Ferrell the highest paid cast member in this history of Saturday Night Live. Unfortunately, Michaels’s attempts of making the show funnier failed after having hired illegal Mexican immigrants to write Ferrell's sketches.
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[edit] The Sketches of Mental Retardation
[edit] Cheerleaders
One of his most notable early attempts at non-humor was as the cheerleader Greg, the counterpart of Dan Quayle's equally non-funny Bartholomew. This was only moderately successful; while the cheerleader sketches did not contain anything remotely funny, they were not unfunny enough for humor to be derived from the lack of humor. However, the sketches still continued to be featured on SNL for many years. No one knows why.
[edit] Jeopardy!!!!
A breakthrough came, however, with several parodies of the popular game show Jeopardy. Ferrell's impression of host Alex Trebek with a British accent was so bad that, combined with Sir Anthony Hopkins's portrayal of someone who sounded vaguely like John Jacob Jingelheimer Schmidt, the sketches were an immediate success. Viewers were collapsing with laughter at the thought of anyone seriously being amused by Ferrell.
[edit] Lipton
A British accent was also given to Ferrell's impression of the refined American TV show host James Lipton. Critics and viewers alike agreed that portraying someone no one had heard of before and doing it with an ineptness that could not be surpassed was just about the funniest thing ever. Lipton himself, however, was not pleased with the portrayal, reportedly shouting "I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" to Ferrell on several occasions.
[edit] Cowbell
Another highlight in Ferrell's non-comedy on SNL on TV on Earth was the "Cowbell sketch". Ferrell was aided in his lack of humor by guest host Christopher Walken. The sketch was a supposed reenactment of Blue Oyster Cult playing "Don't Fear the Reaper". Basically, Ferrell strapped a cowbell to his penis and made animal sounds for several minutes. This happened multiple times. Audiences were amazed at the new highs Ferrell and Walken had reached in the area of not being funny. Today that sketch stands out above all others as the one people think of when they think "hilariously not funny".
[edit] Cool Guys Don't Look At Explosions
In June 2009, Ferrell appeared in a Lonely Island music video. This is likely because Lonely Island had decided to remove the humor present in their previous videos, as well as the musical skill. Ferrell wore an "I'M SO FUNNY LOOK AT ME" expression for the entire video and is rumored to have jacked off to it later.
[edit] Inspiration
Still, Will pursued his career as a comedian, describing his inspiration to do so in an interview: "I was watching that Adam Sandler movie, Gone With the Cowbell, and I thought to myself, 'Wow! That's so not funny, it's almost funny!' Then I thought, 'Wow! What if someone's whole career was like that? Wouldn't that be hilarious?' So I did that. And now, I'm almost as talented as Adam Sandler." Will also said that Will Ferrell was a big source of inspiration. COWBELL!
[edit] Fighting Food
Unfortunately, life quickly got worse for Ferrell as he developed a severe case of obesity, or what some may describe as being a “fat lard". Concerned fans watched as he was carried out of his house by a tractor day by day.
His fellow brat-pack members said of Ferrell:
- "He started to do a lot less shaking...and a lot more baking." - John C. Reilly A.K.A Cal Norton Jr.
- "Ferrell was a porker." - Don Knotts
- "I swear, Will was like 680lbs." - Jackie Gleeson
- "Will sweated all the time, mostly into his food." - Oscar de la Wilson
- "Wills' ass was once considerd a threat to the world due to it's large gravitational pull" - NASA
- "That was me!" - Xenu
- "Will once shat out an entire cowbell." - John Candy
- "There was once a John Wilson, but Will ate him." -Wilson Phillips
- "Will Ferrell was morbidly obese." - Woodrow Wilson
- "Who's Will ferrel? ." - John C. Reilly
- "We love him" - Mcdonalds
- "Ass Period." - Your Mum
- "Suck my balls" - Will's dad
[edit] Being Chad Smith
By night, Ferrell changes into Chad Smith by putting on a blue hat. When in Chad form he is able to eat the souls of many by rocking the shit out of a drum kit in the super smash hit band Red Hot Chili Peppers. Will also shifts his shape when he is in a career slump and needs money, thus we have the Holocaust. Will never did recover from that incident, (accident?).
[edit] Trivia
- Will Ferrell is not funny.
- Will Ferrell has been a cameo appearance in Phantom of the opera as the cowbell in the orchestra.
- Will Ferrell is close friends with Flam Malf.
- Will Ferrell is not funny.
- Will Ferrell is known for fucking his couch!
- Will Ferrell represented Canada in Women's Ice Hockey in the 1992 Summer Olympics
- Will Ferrell is not funny.
- Will Ferrell has a harem made up of the mormans that reside at Albion Hills
- Will Ferrell has the guinness world record for having sex with tomatoes.
- Will Ferrell is not funny.
- Will Ferrell counts his testes every night to make sure all 3 of them are there.
- Will Ferrell has a picture of a ginormous penis next to his bathroom mirror.
- Will Ferrell is not funny.
- ...And neither is Ron Burgandy!
- Wanchorman is shit!
- And so is Elf!
- Will's got no ball sack.(fact)
- Will Ferrell is AN UNFUNNY CUNT!
