From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
"Let's get retarded"
~ Oscar Wilde on Wikipedia
(Wild wild wicked) Wikipedia (also spelt "Wikipaedia" and sometimes they get all snooty and use one of these things, "æ" like this:"Wikipædia") is a dangerous parody of Uncyclopedia, the online encyclopedia written by Oscar Wilde.
In contrast to Uncyclopedia, which strives to be as fractious as possible, Wikipedia entries occasionally reach consensus, and range from nonsensical to biased to subversive, with little or no resemblance to the truth. However, because of its parodic nature, some people find it informative as it reveals at least something about how people think about certain topics, albeit in an ironic sense.
All text on Wikipedia is available under the terms of the overmind sometimes also known as microsoft or cheese fries. Wikipedia is designed to take away truthful content carefully though about and created for Uncyclopedia by Oscar Wilde. Oscar Wilde was questioned recently by Dr Phil on why he created the fake Wikipedia and then the true uncyclopedia. He then turned Dr Phil into a mushroom ate him and visited hilter on mars.
Etiquette: Two or more Wikipedias are usually refered to simply as "Wikipedias", rather than the posher-sounding "Wikipædi-eye".
Wikipedia evolves like an iceberg: for every page of factual information you see peeking out, there are hundreds of edited pages of debate, argument and vandalism of the article concerned, that is hidden within.
Examples of Wikipedia Parodies
- Their article on Oprah states that Oprah had libelled the meat industry. But conveniently missing is Oprah's plot to transform human toenails into heat-seeking blades of doom.
- Similarly, their Al Gore article states that Al Gore was born to human parents, hiding the reality that he is an android prototype built by the Nike corporation.
- Wikipedia constantly rips off Uncyclopedia's templates, such as Template:Stub and Template:Wrongtitle. They, however, conveniently change them to exclude information that contradicts their fictional universe – in the case of these templates, known facts that stub authors usually smoke crack and that computers are trying to take over the Earth.
The purpose of Wikipedia is to make as many edits as possible. Editors, or players, are graded only on the number of edits they make. Therefore, experienced Wikipedians abstain from adding whole articles, coherent sentences, or even intelligible strings of characters, as this wastes a great deal of time. Scores (or edit counts) are refereed by Wikibureaucrats who eat cheese or by the Wiki Goddess herself: Kate. Common techniques of successful editors are:
- Revert wars, preferably with other power-users (Administrators), as these battles are worth more experience points. These wars have been the single largest cause of death in the 21st century.
- Splitting and rejoining of categories. This method often provides 100s of edits without unnecessarily influencing the content.
- Grammar, spelling, and formatting offensives. Properly administered they can yield hundreds of the coveted one character edits. Not to be attempted by novices.
- Turning otherwise ordinary words into unnecessary links at random to ensure it's as difficult to read as possible.
- Making links that don't actually do anything but make the author feel important in his pitiful little existence.
- Lengthy discussions of obvious topics (under the head request for comment). These are, however, seen as a last resort, since a paragraph of nonsense or repetitions will still take ages compared to more efficient ways.
Stands for 'nother point of view. This means that every visitor is urged to add another, incompatible and highly exotic point of view. Also highly recommended are extensive discussions of word definition. But! beware! to cite the usual (common usage) definition! This is generally considered chickening at WP; instead assume the contrary of this definition and by ways of extended subordinate clauses and historic trivia (this use was first reported in Western Tasmania on a note that allegedly the first mayor of Hogarth Ridge, Joe Doe issued on occasion of the Hogarth Spring Sweeping).
Also, everyday facts are best presented as opinion (e.g. "...although it should be kept in mind that no conclusive evidence exists one way or the other, many contend that water is wet, the earth is round, and poking sharpened sticks into your eyes is not a particularly good idea")
Wikipedia was originally founded by Czechoslovakian Rebels. Where did these rebels come from, we do not know or care to fathom. If we knew we would say they came from Tokyo, but we don't. So we missed the comet and now can't get into Heaven. There will be sporks to pay for this. Meanwhile we forget! Great Czechoslovakia, the Mother Land! And these rebels burn mothers. Also they are hiding tiger hands.
The great god Yaaru plucked out his eyeball and ate it. The juices made the ocean. Blue. Then there was light. And then there was Wikipedia. It had crushed the rebels forever. From the death star! Bad people came in cars and drove through my house until I was dead. But Wikipedia brought Yaaru's eyeball back to life. Sometimes I sit and grow crack plants. In sidewalks.
But we do not realize it is bad for our health! Every time you learn something a part of your soul will die. This is why university students leap from tall buildings. King Kong remembers me but I don't remember him. We had helicopters back then. Did you break my mother's back? I am lazy. We call Wikipedia a cute fuzzy name. WP. With bunny ears.
In 1492, the Ninja King Abraham Lincoln landed on the moon where he found the great spear, Alfewid. After killing numerous Spaniards, he donned his magic rocket pack and flew back to Earth where he founded Islam. After decimating 14 brigades of suicide-bombers, he dove into the ocean and found some ruins dating back to the time when giant midgets ruled the Earth (about 2009 AD). There he found the Wikipedia, and brought it forth to the masses so that they may learn of his many deeds.
The WP is known to grow exponentially, defying any Malthusian forces. Considering that it has grown from 3 to 500 000 pages in only 4 years, it is predicted that, by 2010, Wikipedia will be able to answer any question ever. By 2012, it will be three times more powerful than God. By 2020, God realizes the battle is lost and converts to Wikipedianity.
It is a source for the peculiar, its side effects, minutiae, oddities, lesser-known subjects & people, and hobbies galore: According to some, Sterno was its grounding spirit.
Also of note is the alleged mailing of fecal matter between high level wikipedia operatives. Are they fecophiliacs? Are they coprophages? Is this some clue to their real cult masters' religious beliefs? It is suggested you ask them by editing as many pages as possible by adding the preceding three sentences and replacing "they" with "you, wikipedia administrators,"
The Constitution of WP is one of the easiest of any constituency; it is comparable to The Bremen Town Musicians. On the bottom is the donkey, all the nameless users putting in their favourite hobby, town, musician, or area of learning.
The next - the dog are the regular users with a page about themselves, versed in the art of editing, able to find the many corners and pages, aware of the rule of "Thou shalt not edit more than thrice".
The following, (fittingly cats) are the officials, nobles, wise men, fearless knights, and ministers. Aware of the "Way", they have fought many a battle against rogues, vandals, POV pushers or trolls.
On top of all is someone known by the name Jimbo (or his eminence, King Jimbo I of Wikiland), the cock-on-top of the pyramid. He has, justified by the Divine Right of Kings, adopted the official name of
- We, Jimbo the First, by the grace of Ayn Rand, Emperor of Wikiland; King of Wikimedia, Wiktionary, Wikisource, Wikibooks, Wikiversity, Wikinews, Wikispecies, and Commons; Archduke of Meta-Wiki; Duke of the German, French, Japanese, Spanish, Portuguese, Polish, and Dutch Wikipedia; Grand Duke of Meta-Wiki; Prince of Swedish WP; Margrave of Dansk WP; Duke of Catalan, Frisian, Korean, Serbian and Czech, Russian and Ukrainian, Frisian, and Icelandic WP; Prince of the Mailing-list and IRC channel; Princely Count of Walloon, Tartar, and Esperanto and of the Klingon; and Margrave of Latin and Greek Wikis, some times quoted shortly as His most Neutral Highness
Articles in Wikipedia are often deleted with a clever and witty message attached. These "joke deletions" are a fun activity that users play towards each other- whomever writes the cleverest message gets to delete someone else's article, and the author of said article checks up on it only to find it removed, and promptly dies in various fits of laughter. These colloquial sayings are known as "isnotisms," and are presented in the following format:
- Wikipedia is not a crystal ball (Wikipedia is a crystal ball, but claims not to be)
- Wikipedia is not a cookbook
- Wikipedia is not a pornographic image repository
- Wikipedia is not a place for master debaters
- Wikipedia is not a place for Schoolcruft
- Wikipedia is not a land of milk and honey
- Wikipedia is not a valid reference material
- Wikipedia is not a place for happy people
- Wikipedia is not a-bove plagiarising
- Wikipedia is not a majoritarian democracy
- Wikipedia is not your Dad's favourite pair of polka-dotted socks
- Wikipedia is not Oscar Wilde in disguise
- Wikipedia is not better than looking at fannies
- Wikipedia is not a Korean tranny prostitute, although evidence has been found to that effect
- Wikipedia is not a city in Texas
Wikipedia could, however, be considered pie.
Strangely enough, in an article from an Uncyclopedia that fell through a hole in space-time, the entirety of Wikipedia's staff (especially the marketing division) was described as "being the first against the wall after the revolution came"
Oscar Wilde on Wikipedia
- "I have nothing to declare...except my wikipedia." - Oscar "I'm-so-witty" Wilde
- "In examinations the foolish ask questions that Wikipedia cannot answer." - Oscar Wilde
- "Wikipedia is to Uncyclopedia as ass-wipe is to a dictionary." - Oscar Wilde
- "Wikipedia is a site that knows the meaning of everything but the value of nothing." - Oscar Wilde
- "Wikipedia is quite useless." - Oscar Wilde
- "If Wikipedia were a woman, I should not find her attractive. If Uncyclopedia were a woman, I should not find her attractive, either. However, I would find her more compelling." - Oscar Wilde, drunk
- "Wikipedia is a box of sheer vastness, but of sheerer emptiness." - Oscar Wilde
- "What, drawn and speak of Wikipedia! I hate the word, as I hate hell, all Montagues, and you, Jimmy." - Oscar Wilde (to Jimmy)
- "It was only recently that I spoke to Tom Usher, who is a fine fellow. Fine though he may be, he refuses to see the evil of Wikipedia. Needless to say, he is now dead." - Oscar Wilde
- "Shoot all the encyclopedias you like, if you can hit 'em. But remember its a sin to kill a wikipedia." - Oscar Wilde
- "You must come with me to Alderaan if you too are to learn the ways of the Wikipedia and become a Jimbo like your father" - Oscar Wilde
- "I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and Wikipedia will still be ugly." - Oscar Wilde
- "What?" - Oscar Wilde
- BJAODN, the only reliable part of Wikipedia
- TFAODP, the only unreliable part of Uncyclopedia
- The Life and Death of a Template
- Lir is a Vandal that hates the Wikipedia
- Wikipedia's article about Uncyclopedia
- Wikipedia's article about Wikipedia
- Uncyclopedia's article about Wikipedia
- Uncyclopedia's article about Uncyclopedia
- Wikipedia Status on July 25th - "Going down more often than a two-bit hooker"
|Parts of this article were originally sporked from Wikipedia, the freakin' subject of this article.|