Wikipedia

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[[Image:Wikibob6ts.jpg|thumb|Mind control device used by Wikipedia (L), information minister (R)]]
 
[[Image:Wikibob6ts.jpg|thumb|Mind control device used by Wikipedia (L), information minister (R)]]

Revision as of 07:04, March 26, 2006

正體中文版

Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext

Donation_meter.png

"Is there a single article on there with jokes that don't include references to Lord of the Rings or Star Wars?"

Wikibob6ts

Mind control device used by Wikipedia (L), information minister (R)

“Wikipedia is communism!”
~ Douchebag on Wikipedia

i am the lizard king

“Let's get retarded!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Wikipedia

“We make the internet ... suck.”
~ Jimbo Wales on Wikipedia
“Much stupidity in this one I sense.”
~ Yoda on Wikipedia
“You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.”
~ Obi-wan Kenobi on Wikipedia
“The best encyclopedia on the internet! What a good parody of Uncyclopedia. Thousands of articles at the palm of your hand. It made my life go easy on me WHEN I STILL HAD MY EYESIGHT!!!!”
~ Innocent Blind Man on Wikipedia
“50 million nerds doing your homework for free.”
~ Ambrose Bierce on Wikipedia
“I give money to Wikipedia and they call me a saint. I ask why Wikipedia needs the money and they ban my ass.”
~ Chinese communist on Wikipedia
“Can't catch me, I'm the Willy on Wheels!!!”
~ Wheely Willy on Wikipedia
“Wikipedia is a disease, a cancer of this planet. It is a plague, and Uncyclopedia is the cure.”
~ Agent Smith on Wikipedia
“George Bush doesn't care about Wikipedia.”
~ Kanye West on Wikipedia
“I saw it on Wikipedia.”
~ George W. Bush on where he got the idea that Iraq has W.M.D.


Wikipedia (formerly Google), "the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit," is a satirical parody of Uncyclopedia, though Wikipedia[1] claims the reverse. Some say that it is actually a database including such things as: lists of trains, Mortal Kombat characters, one-time villains from Mario games, road intersections, boring suburban schools, garage bands, cats, dead flounders, webcomics, Bionicle characters, webforums, characters from English soap operas, Mortal Kombat characters that don't exist, and a thing they call articles. Wikipedia is a complete waste of time ruled by Dr.Phil, live from a soundstage in Hollywood California.


El Origino

Wikipedia was the creation of internet 'penuer Jimbo and his band of whales, without the help of anyone, especially Larry Sanger. Mr. imbo concieved of Wikipedia after reading Herman Hesse's Magister Ludi (The Glass Bead Game) and William Golding's Lord_of_the_Flies in one single weekend. He envisioned Wikipedia as an Internet Amusement Park that would combine the best aspects of both novels. Wikipedia has encountered some difficulties with the implementation of this vision as the cannibal children keep eating the scholars.

Overmind

In contrast to Uncyclopedia, which strives to be as factually accurate as possible, Wikipedia entries occasionally reach consensus, and range from nonsensical to biased to subversive, with little or no resemblance to the truth. However, because of its parodic nature, some people find it informative as it reveals at least something about how people think about certain topics, albeit in an ironic sense.

Ultimately, Wikipedia cannot be trusted, and this is why:

  • Because wikipedia invented superglue (does anyone know how to get it off, my butt is stuck to my computerdesk chair).
  • Because Wikipedia aims to control all pets in the world so they will later attack their masters, trust me on this one, I only have one eye after fighting with my pet cockroach.
  • Because Wikipedia is actually a website aliens use to spot thinking patterns in humans.
  • Most Wikipedia articles are written by people whose lives closely resemble that of that 40 year old, over-weight Comic Book virgin on the Simpsons. Therefore, they have little or no real world experience to write about.
  • Contributors who are employed steal a disproportionate amount of time from their employers fooling around on the Internet. They are thieves; therefore, they can't be trusted.
  • Wikipediophiles have very small penises (of course they are all men!). This places them in deep denial of reality. This is why they can't be trusted.
  • Any slightly controvercial material is immediately erased by the Fascist Wikistapo, and the offender is traced, and arrested. Wikipedia is a censored databse and therefore can't be trusted.
  • Anyone that has a "life" and a "real job" won't have the time to edit, re-edit, and re-re-edit Wikipedia pages in order to get their Nitwit Point-of-View (NPOV) accepted over someone else's NPOV. So, most Wikipedia articles are written by people that spend an excessive time on the Internet - people that don't have a real job, or a life. This is why Wikipedia articles can't be trusted.

Wikipedia contributers think:

  1. Most personalites are diguised robots that are able to break Asimov's first law of robotics,
  2. UFOs are very real,
  3. Pornography is an acceptable substitute for strip clubs, and
  4. Klingon will be the lingua franca of the 21st century.
Humour

Wikipedians do not know the meaning of humour

All text on Wikipedia is available under the terms of the overmind, sometimes also known as Microsoft and/or Dick Cheney. Wikipedia is designed to take away truthful content carefully thought about and created for Uncyclopedia by A very old woman.

Wikipedia evolves like an iceberg: for every page of factual information you see peeking out, hidden below there are countless thousands of pages on debate, argument and vandalism of the article concerned.

Another analogy: picture Wikipedia as a communal toilet. Sure, it may look sparkling clean, but you don't know who the hell has been dumping in it. And there are many germs that you don't see. Sometimes some very undesirable residue collects in the crevices of the seat and cover mechanism. It's one of those "relieve yourself here at your own risk" situations.

A third analogy: Wikipedia is like a soup cooked by an entire community, with everybody contributing something. One person brings a huge kettle, big enough to cook a stew to feed the whole community. The second person brings gallons of fresh water from a pure, sparkling spring. A third person brings crisp celery, huge potatoes and tasty carrots from the garden. A fourth person brings pounds of lean, fresh red meat. The fifth person uses his years of experience as a cook to slowly simmer the stew and add just the right amount of spices. And then these five other guys come along and fill the soup with warm, steaming piles of bullshit.

Anyway, most people agree that Wikipedia is run by a bunch of people that really take themselves way too seriously, which is dangerous for something as unserious as Wikipedia.

Conspirators

There are 10 types of people on Wikipedia: deletionist vandals and Kmweber. The deletionist vandals insist on deleting articles on any subject not of interest to at least 25 billion people plus 10% of the remainder of the Solar System's population (with a 7% late fee). Kmweber is a valiant warrior against this particularly heinous brand of vandalism; for his efforts, he has been rewarded with numerous blocks, thus proving the underhanded nature of the cabal. As an effort to circumvent this, he has taken to referring to the deletionist vandals as "deletionist ostrogoths" instead.

Purpose

WIKILAND
W E L C O M E  to  
W I K I L A N D

UncyclopediaWikipediaWikia
MediaWikiNational Wiki Service
Memory AlphaWikiLeaks
WikiHeavenIllogicopediaRationalWiki
LiberapediaConservapedia

Wikidiseases

WikideathWikimaniaWikipedepression
Wikipedia syndromeWikipoleonic Complex
WikiphreniaWikipersecution Complex
Editcountitis

Wikidenizens

ChronarionStillwatersJimbo Wales
AdminsUncyclopedia Administrators
AdminsesWiki Administrators
Wikipedia MonsterWikithugWiki Mule
Fuck ChiefjusticeDS

Other Wikitopics

WikiWikiese
Uncyclopedia! AnswersTalk page
The lore of majestik WikilandWikiSex
The Un-Wiki WarPlague of Wikipedia
WTAUTAWikipedia universe

WikiHistory

History of Wikiland
1846 Uncyclopedia Convention
The Wikipedia BBS

Wikipedia-star.pngview  discuss  editWikipedia-star.png

The purpose of Wikipedia is to make as many edits as possible. Players, crackpots, plagiarists or editors (also known as Wikipedophiles) are graded only on the number of edits they make. Therefore, experienced Wikipedophiles abstain from adding whole articles, coherent sentences, or even intelligible strings of characters, as this wastes a great deal of time. Scores (or edit counts) are refereed by Wikibureaucrats who eat cheese or by the Wiki Goddess herself: Kate Moss. Common techniques of successful editors are:

  • Revert wars, preferably with other power-users (Administrators), as these battles are worth more experience points. These experience points allow wikipedians to cast more elaborate spells, like magic missile. These wars have been the single largest cause of death in the 21st century.
  • Splitting and rejoining of categories. This method often provides 100s of edits without unnecessarily influencing the content.
  • Grammar, spelling, and formatting offensives. Properly administered they can yield hundreds of the coveted one character edits. Not to be attempted by novices.
  • Turning otherwise ordinary words into unnecessary links at random to ensure it's as difficult to read as possible. See Page_Full_Of_Links
  • Making links that don't actually do anything but make the author feel important in his pitiful little existence.
  • Removing important information, information which the administers feel personally threatening because they are informative, and adding space where no space should be.
  • Redundancy. Stating the same information over and over.
  • Lengthy discussions of obvious topics (under the head request for comment). These are, however, seen as a last resort, since a paragraph of nonsense or repetitions will still take ages compared to more efficient ways.
  • Redundancy. Stating the same information over and over.
  • one encyclopedia into many languages. This serves to produce over 100 encyclopedias, all operating in different ways. Several entire languages have been invented simply to increase the number of Wikipedia articles, including Flemorese, Kahxanian, and Swedish. The most extreme example of this is the Russian Wikipedia. Notice the bizarre and incomprehensible icons on the Main Page, all unrelated to those found on the English Wikipedia's Main Page. Also notice the copious quantities of Bs, Ds and 0s. They combine to form proof of a conspiracy.
  • To get as many uncreditable sources as possible and have other users back them up.
  • Another failed attempt to up the American populations literacy.
  • Stating that Tweetie is a terrorist.
  • Redundancy. Stating the same information over and over.
  • Redundancy. Stating the same information over and over.

Wikipedia is wholly owned for profit by the cult group Fark. As opposed to us and the millions you'll receive if only you were to cover some minor banking fees from our friend in Nigeria.

NPOV

Stop hand
The NEUTRALITY and FACTUAL ACCURACY of this article (but not the undisputable usefulness of this tag) may be disputed!!!
Please don't trust anybody anymore! Everyone may be a LIAR and a PSYCHO KILLER (but not Jimbo) !!

Stands for 'nother point of view. This means that every visitor is urged to add another, incompatible and highly exotic point of view (or perhaps neither) because, after all, Diversity is Strength™ and you should put all that debating you were forced to do in high school to some good use.

Also highly recommended are extensive discussions of word definition. Beware of citing any common usage definition! This is generally considered chickening at WP; instead, assume the contrary of this definition and by ways of extended subordinate clauses and historic trivia (this use was first reported in Western Tasmania on a note that allegedly the first mayor of Hogarth Ridge, Joe Doe issued on occasion of the Hogarth Spring Sweeping).

Also, everyday facts are best presented as general opinion (e.g. "...although it should be kept in mind that no conclusive evidence exists one way or the other, many contend that water is wet, the earth is round, and poking sharpened sticks into your eyes is not a particularly good idea") Many people believe that this is what many people believe.

In addition, lists are known to be made and deleted everyday as constant reminders that death IS indeed near, and certain conservatives accuse it of harboring way too many hippie liberals. Wikipedia is further proof that life and indeed every "reliable" source of information has a liberal bias. Who would have thought?

Them Experts

Above all, whatever you do, never, ever, ever post that you are an expert in your field and offer your credentials. There is nothing Wikipediophiles hate more than an expert (defined by Scientific American as anyone with more than 10 years practical experience in a field). Boy, do Wikipediophiles hate experts, because an expert has in their possesion those annoying things called "facts", which is like kryptonite to Wikipediophiles. Wikipediophiles hate facts. If you declare yourself an expert, and if you are stupid enough to offer them proof, you will be called 1) a sock puppet, 2) a robot, 3) a nazi. You will also be spammed out to high heaven on your private email address. And Admins will post insults on your "Talk" page.

So, don't ever try to put any facts past a Wikipediophile, because it gets them mad.

History

Wikipedia the movie14

The 1936 Wikimania Convention, held in Frankfart, Germany

Death to wikpedia

"Wikipedia's History", Picasso, 2005

Jimbo-bikini-babes

As a highly respected academic institution, Wikipedia attracts the best and brightest from around the world. Pictured with Jimbo (center) on the Arbitration Committee yacht are Dr. Irena Fornikova, 23, a Czech nuclear physicist, and Dr. Anna Bitiyacockoff, 24, a Moldovan submarine engineer. "The vibrant intellectual majesty of Wikipedia brings forth my mind's heat in a most productive manner," says Dr. Fornikova. "Its notably sizable power of knowledge is most dominant indeed," purrs Dr. Bitiyacockoff. "We shall interact this evening with a neutral point of view to and from each of the three of us," says Jimbo. "Assume good faith!"

Wikipedia-plagiarism

When true desparation strikes, Wikipedians have been known to plagiarize Uncyclopedia articles.

See also: The lore and faerie tale of Wikiland and its noble and majestik King Jimbo I

The history of Wikipedia begins in 1865 at the height of the Civil War. Abraham Lincoln, in a stroke of genius, realized that if encyclopedias were written collectively on the internet, then encyclopedia editors would be unemployed, and he could round them up and send them off to fight the Confederacy. Unfortunately, his vision of a publicly edited encyclopedia failed, largely because neither computers nor the internet had yet been invented. However, the all-editor 53rd Light Cavalry Regiment (the "Encyclopedic 53rd") was a smashing success; its most celebrated accomplishment was routing a division of gossip columnists defending Atlanta (this was widely viewed as a vindication after an earlier failure to capture Savannah, when the Confederates distracted the regiment with poorly composed, grammatically incorrect encyclopedia articles strewn about on the battlefield).

However, the concept of a disinformation encyclopedia began with a group of Hungarian rebels, who decided that the best tool to use against the Communist government's spies and informants was misinformation. Infiltrating the offices of the Encyclopedica Hungarica, the rebels typeset a monstrous 53-volume tome (weighing almost 1300 lbs.!), which collected every piece of misinformation, lie, rumor, and mindless drivel they could fit on paper(assembling this misinformation is particularly impressive when one considers that Fox News had yet to be invented).

In the next year, the Hungarian government nearly ground to a halt due to the chaos. As a result, letters and important correspondence went astray due to inaccurate addresses printed in the encyclopedia. KGB spies attempted to round up the heads of the rebel group, but inquiries for "I.C. Weiner", "Ben Dover", and "I.P. Freeley" (listed as the leaders of the rebels by volume 23) produced nothing but puzzlement and smirks. Infuriated, the Hungarian president attempted to fly to the Kremlin to consult with the Soviet Union about the problem, only to find that his pilot had flown him to Moosejaw, Saskatchewan (which the sabotaged Encyclopedia Hungarica described as the capital of the USSR). To this day, much of the damage has yet to be undone: for instance most of the western half of the country still believes that Pi is equal to seven (which accounts for the strangely shaped wheels on the cars there).

In 1999, as a result of a five-dollar bet made over a bottle of bad tequila, this sabotaged version of the 1973 Encyclopedia Hungarica was digitized, placed online, and dubbed "Wikipedia". The term "Wiki" derives from the Hawaiian "wiki-wiki" which means "Some random guy on the Internet said it, so it must be true".

Today the Wikipedia is growing exponentially, defying any Malthusian forces. Considering that it has grown from 3 to 500 000 pages in only 4 years, it is predicted that there will be 117 billion pages in 2007; by 2010, Wikipedia will be able to answer any question ever (some of these answers may, by coincidence, actually be correct). By 2012, Wikipedia will be six and a half times more powerful than God. By 2020 Wikipedia will gain total control of existence as we know it, and will have destroyed/enslaved god by this point. The incredible popularity of Wikipedia is evident in the fact that one in 10 male children born in 2005 were named "Jimbo" (the statistic is one in six for newborn girls). Calculations suggest that at some point in 2027, the total number of servers required to store this (mis)information will exceed the mass of all the hydrogen atoms in the Universe. There is, however, no reason to worry about this. Long before this scenario comes to pass Wikipedia will collapse in on itself to form a massive black hole and then proceed to consume the entire solar system.

Alternate History

It should be noted that many eminent historians (disclaimer: uncyclopedia makes no guarentees as to whether these individuals are either eminent or historians. uncyclopedia is not censured for minors), disagree with the standard history. According to them, Wikipedia started when the ghost of FDR possessed the body of Jimbo Wales. FDR forced JW to create a modern monument to the New Deal (ND). As a result, WP users should be advised not to break the 3RR or violate NPOV or they will be referred to the ABI. Also, note that users that post PN will be listed by an RCP on the AIV or VIP, unless the RCP has gone through an RFA, in which case the user will be forced to build a dam in the Tennessee River Valley.

Accuracy Controversy of 2005

Wp ayb

OH NOES!!1!

In December 2005, John Siegenthaler was outraged to discover that the Wikipedia article on Web comics was 100% factually accurate, and had spurred neither edit wars, nor votes for deletion, nor requests for arbitration. Furthermore, he found that not a single contributor to the article ended up whining on their LiveJournal about how the entire Wikipedia community was out to get them. Siegenthaler immediately published a Wikipedia exposé in the respected daily Der Stürmer, causing frenzied media debate about the continued satirical value of the encyclopedia. In response, Jimbo decreed that henceforth people could neither create nor edit articles unless they had medical or judicial proof of insanity. As Wikipedia continues to grow, such controversies will only continue. Despite the diligent efforts of the Wikipedians, it becomes increasingly difficult to ensure that accuracy, objectivity and non-libelous claims do not find their way into Wikipedia.

Wikipedia and the Church of Scientology

After the 2004 recruitment of Wikipedia founder Jimbo by the Church of Scientology, one of the overriding goals of Wikipedia's thriving Scientologist subculture became the addition of new Scientology-related articles and the revision of existing articles to include the Church's viewpoint. Known as WikiProject Scientology, the first phase of the effort involved soliciting Church members to contribute to Wikipedia's August 2005 pledge drive, and its unexpected success resulted in Scientologists becoming the primary financial backer of Wikimedia. Through unofficial Church channels news of this achievement reportedly reached the ears of the majority of Internet-enabled Church member within 24 hours; the influx of new readers and editors dramatically impacted Wikipedia's content and focus. Today, Wikipedia is recognized as the most popular non-commercial Scientologist site on the Web, and in September 2005 WikiProject Scientology began negotiations with Wikimedia with regards to hiring a paid editorial staff to complete the much-needed task of updating selected dilapidated articles in the science, technology, philosophy and history

Wikideathstar

Wiki-HQ

Wikipedia Main Page Theft Controversy of 2006

It was March, 2006. Desperate after watching everybody migrate to the much higher-quality online encyclopedia Uncyclopedia, Wikipedia decided to deviously and shamelessly steal Uncyclopedia's new main page format. The change was not well executed and not at all covered up. Observe:

Needless to say, these guys aren't exactly the Nixon Administration (as they were more credible). It took them almost an entire month to figure out the code and typey-word thingies to use to duplicate Uncyclopedia's fashionable new look.

Jimbo Wales is still in hiding.

Constitution

The Constitution of WP is one of the easiest of any constituency; it is comparable to The Bremen Town Musicians. On the bottom is the donkey, all the nameless users putting in their favourite hobby, town, musician, or area of learning.

The next - the dog are the regular users with a page about themselves, versed in the art of editing, able to find the many corners and pages, aware of the rule of "Thou shalt not edit more than thrice".

The following, (fittingly cats) are the officials, nobles, wise men, fearless knights, and ministers. Aware of the "Way", they have fought many a battle against rogues, vandals, POV pushers or trolls.

On top of all is someone known by the name Jimbo (or his eminence, King Jimbo I of Wikiland), the ####-on-top of the pyramid. He has, justified by the Divine Right of Kings, adopted the official name of

We, Jimbo the First, by the grace of Ayn Rand, Emperor of Wikiland; King of Wikimedia, Wiktionary, Wikisource, Wikibooks, Wikiversity, Wikinews, Wikispecies, and Commons; Archduke of Meta-Wiki; Duke of the German, French, Japanese, Spanish, Portuguese, Polish, and Dutch Wikipedia; Grand Duke of Meta-Wiki; Prince of Swedish WP; Margrave of Dansk WP; Duke of Catalan, Frisian, Korean, Serbian and Czech, Russian and Ukrainian, Frisian, and Icelandic WP; Prince of the Mailing-list and IRC channel; Princely Count of Walloon, Tartar, and Esperanto and of the Klingon; Queen of England; and Margrave of Latin and Greek Wikis, some times quoted shortly as His most Neutral Highness

What Wikipedia Should Have

The top of Wikipedia should always contain the following:

Oscar Wilde says: Uncyclopedia is not Wikipedia is not Uncyclopedia is not Wikipedia is not Uncyclopedia is not Wikipedia.

Please ensure you add it in at all costs.

What Wikipedia Has

Wiki

Seen here, Wikipedia is vandalized by the Village People.

One can easily vandalize Wikipedia as long as he posts on his profile this userbox: {{User uncyclopedia}}. Those userboxes are suposed to be informative, anyway. You will then pretend that you edited in the style you knew from Uncyclopedia. The right wing conspiracy gang called experts will notice that you're not one of theirs and will laugh, will revert, but you won't be banned and you'll have another chance for 5 minutes of cheap fun.

Wikipedia Isnotisms

Articles in Wikipedia are often deleted with a clever and witty message attached. These "joke deletions" are a fun activity that users play towards each other- whomever writes the cleverest message gets to delete someone else's article, and the author of said article checks up on it only to find it removed, and promptly dies in various fits of laughter. These colloquial sayings are known as "isnotisms," and are presented in the following format:

Wikipedia is the best!!!

  • Wikipedia is not the truth!
  • Wikipedia is not a cookie covered in strawberry frosting
  • Wikipedia is not approved upon by Neo
  • Wikipedia is not Wiccapedia
  • Wikipedia is not a Cafeteria
  • Wikipedia is not about the size but how you use it
  • Wikipedia is not a crystal ball (Wikipedia is a crystal ball, but claims not to be)
  • Wikipedia is not a cookbook
Enemy wiki

But Wikipedia is the enemy.

  • Wikipedia is not a farking image repository (This is of course a lie; check Commons and Wikigraphy)
  • Wikipedia is not a place for master debaters
  • Wikipedia is not a place for Schoolcruft
  • Wikipedia is not a phonebook
  • Wikipedia is not made by human beings. That is what the WANT you to think
  • Wikipedia is not a free image repository
  • Wikipedia is not a dating service, most of the time at least
  • Wikipedia is not Uncyclopedia
  • Wikipedia is not headed by little green men
  • Wikipedia is not a land of milk and honey
  • Wikipedia is not part of this balanced breakfast
  • Wikipedia is not going to be happy when they see this
  • Wikipedia is not valid reference material
  • Wikipedia is not your father
  • Wikipedia is not a weapon of mass destruction
  • Wikipedia is not deliciously saucy
  • Wikipedia is not a gender-confused horse
  • Wikipedia is not a hormone, but it slows bone loss and increases bone density
  • Wikipedia is not a place for happy people
  • Wikipedia is not a-bove plagiarising
  • Wikipedia is not closed-captioned
  • Wikipedia is not the yellow pages
  • Wikipedia is not a bird
  • Wikipedia is not a plane
  • Wikipedia is not a super man
  • Wikipedia is in no way WackyPedophilia
  • Wikipedia is not about to turn to the Dark Side
  • Wikipedia is not man's best friend
  • Wikipedia is not involved in the Watergate scandal (Yeah, sure...)
  • Wikipedia is not a majoritarian democracy
  • Wikipedia is not an international crisis, but they think so.
  • Wikipedia is not the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world
  • Wikipedia is not your Dad's favourite pair of polka-dotted socks
  • Wikipedia is not edible (but they should be).
  • Wikipedia is not Oscar Wilde in disguise
  • Wikipedia is not better than looking at fannies
  • Wikipedia is not an rectal suppsitory (it would hurt if it was... it's huge)
  • Wikipedia is not a Korean tranny prostitute, although evidence has been found to that effect
  • Wikipedia is not a city in Texas
  • Wikipedia is not what you think it is
  • Wikipedia is not musical
  • Wikipedia is not what I put on my toast
  • Wikipedia is not what you put on your toast
  • Wikipedia is not how you do the hokey pokey
  • Wikipedia is not Mr. Kuikka
  • Wikipedia is not able to endorse domestic violence
  • Wikipedia is not Unix
  • Wikipedia is not 1337. Not in the least.
  • Wikipedia is not associated with the government of Tanzania (actually a true statement)
  • Wikipedia is not cricket
  • Wikipedia is not a river in Egypt
  • Wikipedia is not Muse
  • Wikipedia is not as silly as this page
  • Wikipedia is not my lover; she's just a girl who claims that I am the one
  • Wikipedia is not a nuclear weapon plant
  • Wikipedia is not Cream of Wheat; it is closer to Farina, but is more boring.
  • Wikipedia is not a home for lost Vikings
  • Wikipedia is not a lean, green, fighting machine.
  • Wikipedia never slept with James Caan.
  • Wikipedia never slept with Genghis Khan.
  • Wikipedia never slept with Khan Noonien Singh.
  • Wikipedia doesn't look a day over 40.
  • Wikipedia is not not any type of contraband.
  • Wikipedia is not an American actress.
  • Wikipedia is not to be used under the influence of alcohol.
  • Wikipedia is not as tasty as sushi.
  • Wikipedia is not suitable for minors.
  • Wikipedia is not as hot as Hermione Granger.
  • Wikipedia is not hey, free dummy.
  • Wikipedia is not bubu.
  • Wikipedia is not as smart as Uber-Loki.
  • Wikipedia did not have sexual relations with that woman.
  • Wikipedia did not shoot the deputy.
  • Wikipedia is not Spartacus.
  • Wikipedia is not the anatomical juxtaposition of two orbicular muscles in a state of contraction.
  • Wikipedia in not Scoble
  • Wikipedia contains no preservatives.
  • Wikipedia is not Santa Claus
  • Wikipedia wishes you were dead.
  • Wikipedia never beat up Dean Stockwell
  • Wikipedia hates everyone except your grandma.
  • Wikipedia is not kosher
  • Wikipedia is not here to blend.
  • Wikipedia is not the cure for cancer.
  • Wikipedia is not a part of the human body.
  • Wikipedia could, however, be considered pie.
  • Wikipedia will not do your homework for you.
  • Wikipedia is not a monkey in a tiny car.
  • Wikipedia is Wikipedia.
  • Wikipedia is not Aidepikiw.
  • Wikipedia is not whats in the box.
  • Wikipedia is not middle aged, bald, short and ugly.
  • Wikipedia is not Uncyclopedia spellt backwards.
  • Wikipedia is not fat free.
  • Wikipedia is not about you.
  • Wikipedia is not going to the prom with you.
  • Wikipedia is not a documentry your teacher will make you whach.
  • Wikipedia is not a Jack in the box.
  • Wikipedia does not start with X.
  • Wikipedia is not a Dutch coffeeshop where you can buy and smoke weed
  • Wikipedia is not your escape from reality.
  • Wikipedia is not an ice cold glass of lemonade on a hot day.
  • Wikipedia is not spell check but it thinks it is.
  • Wikipedia is not a trifling ho.
  • Wikipedia is not a bucket of smelly bottoms.
  • Wikipedia did not have sex with that woman.
  • You are not Wikipedia.

Wikipedia Is/Isnotisms

(Note: "Isn't!" can be substituted for "Is not!" if one wishes to sound British.)
  • Wikipedia is run by a liberal cabal.
    • "Is not!"
  • Wikipedia is inherently unreliable.
    • "Is not!"
  • Wikipedia is patchy and gravely, and shaped like a fudgesicle.
    • "Is not!"
  • Wikipedia is Google.
    • "Is not!"
  • Wikipedia is Your mum.
    • "Well... I'll give you that"

Wikipedia Isnot/Istooisms

(Note: "Is so!" can be substituted for "Is too!" if it is important to you that you sound like you have an advanced degree or whatnot.)
  • Wikipedia is not a repository for every trifling piece of crap in the universe.
    • "Is too!"
  • Wikipedia is not "neutral" in any sense of the word (unless that sense is "old world fudge").
    • "Is too!"
  • Wikipedia is not that important in the vast scheme of things.
    • "Is too!"
  • Wikipedia is not a chat forum.
    • "Is too!"

AFD

AFD is the last bastion against the hideous tide of content threatening to overwhelm Wikipedia.

  • d, nn - ~~~~
  • d, nn, v, only ever made corporal. If this "Hilter" guy wants an article he can write one himself. Then we can delete that too - ~~~~
  • d, nn, v, zomg, wtf, bbq, o, rly, ya, rly, rofl, copter - ~~~~
  • keep, school - ~~~~

Cruft

"If what we today know as 'Wikipedia' had started life as something called, let's say - 'Jimbo's Big Bag O'Trivia' - we doubt if it would be the problem it has become. - Andrew Orlowski

Wikipedia is composed of 90% cruft.

  • Pokecruft: Wikipedia is now the official Pokedex. [2]
  • Jewcruft: Pages dedicated to the systematic labelling of Jews, with a policy of requiring a Star of David to be worn at all times. [3]
  • Starcruft: [4]
  • Propogandacruft: [5][6]
  • WP:Cruft: Pages that are solely dedicated to taking up space within Wikipedia.

Often Confused For

Uncyclopaedia

Although widely thought to be parody by the humor deficient Wikipedians, Uncyclopaedia is a rather posh version of Uncyclopedia that doesn't actually exist because it sucks and was probably created by either Microsoft or the evil creators of Wikipedia so their parody could be more accurate. Besides which, the little ae thingy in the middle is a dipthong and nobody likes those.

Go back to Uncyclopedia.

Wikipedia®

Wikipedia® is the only real spelling of the thing everyone spells wrong - Wikipedia. Misspelling Wikipedia® may lead Jimbo Wales to sue your ass off, so he can pay all the flights, trips and chicks standing around him. Common misspellings are Wikipedia, Wikipedia© and - most prominently - Wikipedia™.

Quotations:

  • Mahatma Gandhi: "If I only had known earlier, I would have told my Indian dudes not to say Wikipedia - we wouldn't be so poor today."
  • Swahili proverb: "Uh. Uggunakkh. Tz. Wikipedia. Ath?"

Other Shameless Spin-Offs

  • WikiPaltz - One for the hippies of da' NP.
  • Wickerpedia, for the illiterate
  • Wickerpedialyte, for the lactically challenged.
  • Wikipedia Mensa Edition
  • Wikipedia Jr.
  • Encyclopædia Dramatica
  • ARRSEPedia, for the British Army's unofficial site, The ARmy Rumour SErvice (ARRSE).
  • Wickpedia, for the candle-making community.
  • Wiccapedia, for witches. In-depth articles such as "Which Witch is which?"
  • Wackopedia, the official Michael Jackson encyclopedia
  • Wacopedia, for cult leaders, including David Koresh, Jim Jones, Pat Robertson, and Steve Martin
  • WickedPedo, the unofficial Micheal Jackson encyclopedia.
  • Listopedia, an encyclopedia consisting entirely of lists. Articles are created by a random topic generator, with visitors adding to the topic. For example, List of red-headed people who are left handed and wear sunglasses while playing the banjo on Tuesdays before a full moon.
  • Centipedipedia a user-edited guide to centipedes.
  • QuickiePedia, dedicated to short snippets of information, no longer than one sentence each.
  • WikiTrivia, dedicated to providing only the most obscure information, in case you find yourself in a game of Trivial Pursuit in the afterlife used to decide the very fate of your soul.
  • Wikipinions, a completely biased wiki full of reviews, criticisms, and general views on everything. Most articles begin with why this is a bad idea.
  • Wookipedia a wiki (or wooki) that is based entirely on wookies
  • Paedopedia the official Michael Jackson encyclopedia.

Notable Figures

Among the notable figures of the Non-cabal are Snownut, hell-hound guarding the gates of speech, and Raoul987654321, promoter of text to fame and foremostness.

Strangely enough, in an article from an Uncyclopedia that fell through a hole in space-time, the entirety of Wikipedia's staff (especially the marketing division) was described as "being the first against the wall after the revolution came"

Oscar Wilde on Wikipedia

  • "I have nothing to declare...except my wikipedia." - Oscar "I'm-so-witty" Wilde
  • "In examinations the foolish ask questions that Wikipedia cannot answer." - Oscar Wilde
  • "Wikipedia is to Uncyclopedia as ass-wipe is to a dictionary." - Oscar Wilde
  • "Wikipedia is a site that knows the meaning of everything but the value of nothing." - Oscar Wilde
  • "A little Wikipedia is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal." - Oscar Wilde
  • "A man can be happy with Wikipedia as long as he does not love it." - Oscar Wilde
  • "Wikipedia had often been discovered before Oscar Wilde, but it had always been hushed up." - Oscar Wilde
  • "Wikipedias are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing." - Oscar Wilde
  • "Wikipedia is quite useless." - Oscar Wilde
  • "If Wikipedia were a woman, I should not find her attractive. If Uncyclopedia were a woman, I should not find her attractive, either. However, I would find her more compelling." - Oscar Wilde, drunk
  • "Wikipedia is a box of sheer vastness, but of sheerer emptiness." - Oscar Wilde
  • "What, drawn and speak of Wikipedia! I hate the word, as I hate hell, all Montagues, and you, Jimmy." - Oscar Wilde (to Jimmy)
  • "It was only recently that I spoke to Tom Usher, who is a fine fellow. Fine though he may be, he refuses to see the evil of Wikipedia. Needless to say, he is now dead." - Oscar Wilde
  • "Shoot all the encyclopedias you like, if you can hit 'em. But remember its a sin to kill a wikipedia." - Oscar Wilde
  • "You must come with me to Alderaan if you too are to learn the ways of the Wikipedia and become a Jimbo like your father" - Oscar Wilde
  • "I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and Wikipedia will still be ugly." - Winston Churchill
  • "Do I become slightly obscene if I say poop?" - Oscar Wilde
  • "What?" - Oscar Wilde
  • "I think that God in creating Wikipedia somewhat overestimated his ability." - Oscar Wilde
  • "I was working on the final version of one of my Featured articles all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again." - Oscar Wilde
  • "Wikipedia is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. " - Oscar Wilde
  • "Wikipedia is not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
  • "Wikipedia makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves, which is the same thing nowadays." - Oscar Wilde
  • "One should always play fairly when one has the winning POV." - Oscar Wilde
  • "The only thing to do with good information is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde
  • "Wikipedia lends to knowledge a new terror." - Oscar Wilde
  • "Wikipedia is born--not paid." - Oscar Wilde
  • "To disagree with three-fourths of Wikipedia is one of the first requisites of sanity." - Oscar Wilde
  • "Whenever Wikipedia agrees with me I always feel I must be wrong. " - Oscar Wilde
  • "Wikipedia should absorb the colour of life, but one should never remember its details. Details are always vulgar. " - Oscar Wilde
  • "Wikipedia will never be a bird. It cannot fly." - Oscar Wilde
  • "The only thing that sustains one through Wikipedia is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of every other editor, and this is a feeling that I have always cultivated." - Oscar Wilde
  • "The secret of Wikipedia is to appreciate the pleasure of being terribly, terribly deceived." - Oscar Wilde
  • "When the gods wish to punish us, they edit our articles." - Oscar Wilde
  • "Wikipedia is the curse of the drinking classes." - Oscar Wilde
  • "My own articles always bore me to death; I prefer other people's." - Oscar Wilde
  • "It is absurd to divide articles into good and bad. Articles are either charming or tedious." - Oscar Wilde
  • "Wikipedia is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about." - Oscar Wilde
  • "Wikipedia is gossip made tedious by consensus." - Oscar Wilde
  • "But what is the difference between literature and Wikipedia? ...Wikipedia is unreadable and literature is not read. That is all." - Oscar Wilde
  • "Sure, we've all heard about this thing called 'Wikipedia,' but does it really exist? Can it really be proven?" - Oscar Wilde
  • "This place is a mad house! A mad house!!" - Oscar Wilde
  • "I hate this wiki. Hate, hate, hate this wiki!" - Roger Rabbert, channeling the spirit of Oscar Wilde
  • "Bernt Cornelius is better than Wikipedia." - Oscar Wilde
  • "And I thought I was the stupid one." - Oscar Wilde

“I pity da foo'”
~ Oscar Wilde on Wikipedia

Other less important people on Wikipedia

“We make the internet ... suck.”
~ Jimbo Wales on Wikipedia
“Much stupidity in this one I sense.”
~ Yoda on Wikipedia
“The best encyclopedia on the internet! What a good parody of Uncyclopedia. Thousands of articles at the palm of your hand. It made my life go easy on me WHEN I STILL HAD MY EYESIGHT!!!!”
~ Innocent Blind Man on Wikipedia
“50 million nerds doing your homework for free.”
~ Ambrose Bierce on Wikipedia
“Fuck Them.”
~ Stephen Colbert on Wikipedia
“When Wikipedia deceive me, I will destroy it NOW!”
~ Spede Pasanen on Wikipedia
“In Soviet Russia, homework does YOU!!”
~ Russian reversal on Ambrose Bierce on Wikipedia
“In AD2101, wikipedia was begining.”
~ XGustaXlax on Wikipedia
“I give money to Wikipedia and they call me a saint. I ask why Wikipedia needs the money and they ban my ass.”
~ Chinese communist on Wikipedia
“Can't catch me, I'm the Willy on Wheels!!!”
~ Wheely Willy on Wikipedia
“Wikipedia is a disease, a cancer of this planet. It is a plague, and Uncyclopedia is the cure.”
~ Agent Smith on Wikipedia
“George Bush doesn't care about Wikipedia.”
~ Kanye West on Wikipedia
“Why the hell can't we post ####?”
~ Jimbo Wales on Wikipedia
“Wikipedia is a like a platter of food made by a French person, it looks bad and it smells bad, but once you bite into it, you find that it is delicious...just kidding. ”
~ Simon Cowell's inner child on Wikipedia
“I Hate it!! I wish I could solidify it. & eat it! I SHALL DESTROY IT after I destroy you”
~ Daron Malakalakalakalakalakian System of a down on Wikipedia
“Wi-wi-wikee-wekapaedia? Is so hard to say! How come Google get the easy word?”
~ Nazo on Wikipedia

“Your wikipediaing me, your wikipediaing me!So,wikinight...Wikinight...”
~ Hot Hot Heat on Wikipedia
“I found it on Wikipedia.”
~ John Aaron on where he got the idea for 'S.C.E to Aux'
“Can they even afford to pay me to look up crap on their website? I DON'T KNOOOOW!”
~ Lex Luger on Wikipedia
“Those white boys from Wikipedia come right here and took everything I ever written!”
~ Ruttling Orange Peel on Wikipedia
“What the hell? You can't Wiki something. You can only unsomething.”
~ A guy on Wikipedia
“Wikipedia is a gateway to many openings; it was at least the gateway to my girlfriend's opening!”
~ Phil Osophy on Wikipedia

Famous Wikipedians

  • Wheely Willy - a page move vandal sentenced to community service in the arrid landscapes of Arizona.
  • Big Papa Bot - also known as Maui, the father of all mechanic bots seen in Wikipedia. Acording to some ancient cultures in Polynesia and Aruba, he was married to Rohe, but she left him and became Queen of Uranga-o-Te-Ra. Since that day, Big Papa Bot started a life as a playboy, spreading his seeds around the entire world through random fornication- the Big Bang.
  • Innocent Blind Man A person who ended up blinded while channel surfing. See why.

The Cult of Wikipedia

An evil cult called Mys-Information has been discovered, trying to turn everyone into a Wikipedian who thinks everything on Wikipedia is true. Not much is known, but they sacrifice Uncyclopedians at a 500 a day rate.

See also

External links

Bouncywikilogo9
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Wikipedia.

For articles that you may have been looking for had you been huffing kittens, see Wikipedia (ambiguation).


Template:ArticleFH

Look for Wikipedia in:
Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia,
Wiktionary, the free dictionary that is totally pointless,
Wikisource, where every mindless piece of paper goes.
and finally, search Wikimedia Commons, the place for all your porno!


Of course, you can always use Google or Yahoo!

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