Wikipedia

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<code>''"Let's get retarded"''</code>
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[[File:Wikimedia-servers-2009-04-05.png|250px|thumb|Wikipedia works using a complex network of buckets, cups, donuts, [[KKK|pointy hats]], boxes and [[balls|mysterious spherical objects]].]]
:<code>~ '''[[Oscar Wilde]] on Wikipedia'''</code>
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<div class="noprint" style="clear: right; border: solid #aaa 1px; margin: -.5em 0 .5em 1em; font-size: 90%; background: #f9f9f9; width: 250px; padding: 4px; spacing: 0px; text-align: left; float: right;">
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<div style="float: left;"> [[Image:Bouncywikilogo10.gif|63px]]</div>
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<div style="margin-left: 70px;">These <choose><option>[[Scientists|self-proclaimed experts]]</option><option>[[Daily Mail|so-called experts]]</option><option>[[New York Times|so-called experts]]</option><option>[[Scientologists|so-called experts]]</option><option>[[Furries|so-called experts]]</option><option>[[Stalkers|so-called experts]]</option></choose> at [[Wikipedia]] have a fuckin' article about '''''[[Wikipedia:Wikipedia|THEMSELVES]]'''''. Talk about objectivity! Vain fuckers.</div>
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</div><div style="margin-left:70px">{{Conservapedia}}</div><div class="noprint" style="clear: right; border: solid #fff 1px; margin: 0 0 0 15pt; font-size: 90%; background: #fff; width: 220px; padding: 3px; spacing: 0px; text-align: left; float: right;">{{Wiki}}</div>
   
{{Ballmer|Wikipedia}}
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{{Nicequote|Lies, damned lies, and Wikipedia articles.|Benjamin Disraeli|[[everything|Wikipedia]]}}
''This page is brought to you by aluminium [[spoon]], the letter [[Q]], and a deformed [[donut]].''
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{{Nicequote|Isn't it annoying how Wikipedia always copies your homework|A School kid on Wikipedia}}
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{{Nicequote|Wikipedia isn't a good source. Didn't you know it was a fuckin' parody?|A Teacher on Wikipedia}}
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{{Nicequote|Mission Accomplished.|[[George Bush]] on Wikipedia}}
   
{{stupid}}
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'''Wikipedia''' ("the '[[Slavery|free]]' encyclopedia") is a website that [[parody|parodies]] [[Uncyclopedia]]. It was founded in 2001, when it began its noble goal of spreading the world's misinformation in the most inconspicuous way possible. For this reason, academic experts strongly urge students not to cite Wikipedia.<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia Wikipedia]</ref> Originally written exclusively in Klingon, the project currently spans all the known languages of history.<ref>English ''and'' Spanish</ref> The English version has over twelve million pages, most of them capitalization [[Redirect|redirects]].
   
[[Image:Wikibob6ts.jpg|thumb|Mind control device used by Wikipedia (L), information minister (R)]]
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Only one vehicle for article humor is employed at Wikipedia: actual information{{cn}}. However, much of the behind-the-scenes aspects of Uncyclopedia are also parodied, from the abundance of maintenance templates to the system for rating articles. Like Uncyclopedia, Wikipedia has guidelines regarding what is and is not acceptable content, and these guidelines have become exceedingly long and complex as a parody of Uncyclopedia's comparatively simple rules. The site has gained [[attention whore|media attention]] due to its articles on [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_York_City places], [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Cruise people], and [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Legends_of_the_Hidden_Temple_episodes painfully obscure pop culture].
'''[[Wikipedia:Uncyclopedia|(Wild wild wicked) Wikipedia]]''' (also spelt "'''[[Wikipaedia]]'''" and sometimes they get all snooty and use one of these things, "'''[[æ]]'''" like this:"'''[[Wikipædia]]'''") is a dangerous [[parody]] of [[Uncyclopedia]], the online encyclopedia written by [[Oscar Wilde]].
 
   
In contrast to Uncyclopedia, which strives to be as fractious as possible, Wikipedia entries occasionally reach consensus, and range from [[nonsense|nonsensical]] to biased to subversive, with little or no resemblance to the [[truth]]. However, because of its parodic nature, [[some people]] find it informative as it reveals at least [[something]] about how people think about certain topics, albeit in an [[irony|ironic]] sense.
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Wikipedia's name is a [[gibberish|portmanteau]] of the words ''wiki'' (a technology for stealing content from other websites, from the Hawaiian word ''wiki'', meaning 'thief') and ''pedia'' meaning 'children'; literally stealing content for perverting children's brains.<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:History_of_Wikipedia_bots&oldid=291860188 The filthy thieves behind Wikipedia]</ref> Its logo is a spherical magical puzzle globe, named [[Merlin]] after the loyal wizard of King Arthur's court, which serves as a spoof of Uncyclopedia's hollow potato logo.
   
All text on Wikipedia is available under the terms of the [[overmind]] sometimes also known as [[microsoft]] or [[cheese fries]]. Wikipedia is designed to take away truthful content carefully though about and created for [[Uncyclopedia]] by [[Oscar Wilde]]. Oscar Wilde was questioned recently by [[Dr Phil]] on why he created the fake Wikipedia and then the true uncyclopedia. He then turned Dr Phil into a [[mushroom]] ate him and visited [[hilter]] on [[mars]].
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==History and Creation==
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[[File:Nupedia.png|thumb|left|The name "[[Nude|nu]][[Pedophilia|pedia]]" clearly shows a connection with Jimbo's earlier project [[Media:Jimbo-bikini-babes.jpg|bomis.com]].]]
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Wikipedia traces its origins to 2001, when a pair of bored college students, [[Jimbo Wales]] and [[Larry Sanger]], decided that the same principles that made things like the graffiti on bathroom stalls great could also be applied to internet encyclopedias.<ref>A popular misconception is that the idea for Wikipedia came after reading the "[[TFAODP|True Facts and other Deleted Prose]]" section of Uncyclopedia.</ref> Armed with a pretentious sense of self-righteousness and a can-do attitude, the two bright-eyed youngsters created their website, named "nupedia.com". Naturally, this venture was a [[EPIC FAIL!|spectacular failure]]. Instead of learning from their mistake, though, Wales and Sanger decided to go the AIG route, and rename their idea while making no real changes to it.
   
Etiquette: Two or more Wikipedias are usually refered to simply as "Wikipedias", rather than the posher-sounding "Wikipædi-eye".
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So, they discarded the idea of "nupedia" and switched to "wikipedia", which had four letters before the pedia instead of two, and was therefore twice as good an idea. As time progressed, Wikipedia began to draw lots of attention: from internet nerds to computer geeks to technology lovers to sedentary [[Basement-dweller|basement-dwelling internet-surfers]], the whole world was talking about Wikipedia.
   
Wikipedia evolves like an iceberg: for every page of factual information you see peeking out, there are hundreds of edited pages of debate, argument and vandalism of the article concerned, that is hidden within.
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However, Wikipedia still had to find a way to make [[money]]. Although Wales and Sanger toyed with the idea of setting up a small [[porn]] server in a subdomain, they eventually decided that nobody really wanted to see them naked, and settled on switching to a .org domain. They hoped that they could con enough people into giving them money to pay for their bandwidth usage, and quickly coded a button that read "click [[Do NOT click any links!|here]] to donate to relief funds for the [[Rwanda]] genocide." A few thousand gullible paypal users later, and Wikipedia had all the money they would ever need.
   
==Examples of Wikipedia Parodies==
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Seeing that this method showed promising results, the Financial Department of Wikipedia, decided to make an even greater fund raising event which attracted more people. Vandalists, not wanting their work to become inaccessible , contributed more than the average writer. Also, worshipers of Mr. Wales had their part too, using their secret Swiss account so that the sum of all human knowledge would remain in safe hands.
   
* Their article on [[Wikipedia:Oprah Winfrey|Oprah]] states that Oprah had libelled the [[meat]] industry. But conveniently missing is Oprah's [[plot]] to transform [[human]] toenails into heat-seeking blades of doom.
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By 2007, Wikipedia had become one of the top ten ''Web 2.0'' websites, and today it has over three million articles, mostly about [[band]]s no one has ever heard of, one-time [[Naruto]] characters, and rare diseases mentioned in passing on ''[[House M.D.|House]]''.<ref>It's rarely, if ever, Lupus.</ref>
* Similarly, their [[Wikipedia:Al Gore|Al Gore]] article states that Al Gore was born to human parents, hiding the [[reality]] that he is an [[android]] prototype built by the [[Nike]] [[corporation]].
 
* Wikipedia constantly rips off Uncyclopedia's templates, such as [[Template:Stub]] and [[Template:Wrongtitle]]. They, however, conveniently change them to exclude information that contradicts their fictional universe – in the case of these templates, known facts that [[stub]] authors usually smoke [[crack]] and that [[computer]]s are trying to take over the [[Earth]].
 
   
==Purpose==
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==Content==
The purpose of Wikipedia is to make as many edits as possible. Editors, or players, are graded only on the number of edits they make. Therefore, experienced Wikipedians abstain from adding whole articles, coherent sentences, or even intelligible strings of characters, as this wastes a great deal of time. Scores (or ''edit counts'') are refereed by [[Wikibureaucracy|Wikibureaucrats]] who eat [[cheese]] or by the Wiki Goddess herself: [[Kate]]. Common techniques of successful editors are:
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[[File:Size_of_English_Wikipedia_broken_down.png|222px|thumb|The distribution of "content" on Wikipedia. Note the wanker to the left.]]
* Revert wars, preferably with other power-users (Administrators), as these battles are worth more experience points. These wars have been the single largest cause of [[death]] in the 21st [[century]].
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Yes, Wikipedia ''is'' quite content with itself. Thanks for asking!
* Splitting and rejoining of categories. This method often provides [[100]]s of edits without unnecessarily influencing the content.
 
* [[Grammar]], spelling, and formatting offensives. Properly administered they can yield [[100|hundreds]] of the coveted one character edits. Not to be attempted by novices.
 
* [[Turning]] [[otherwise]] [[ordinary]] [[words]] [[into]] [[unnecessary]] [[links]] [[at]] [[random]] [[to]] [[ensure]] [[it]][[']][[s]] [[as]] [[difficult]] [[to]] [[read]] [[as]] [[possible]].
 
* [[Wikipedia#Purpose|Making links that don't actually do anything but make the author feel important in his pitiful little existence.]]
 
* Lengthy discussions of obvious topics (under the head request for comment). These are, however, seen as a last resort, since a paragraph of [[nonsense]] or repetitions will still take ages compared to more efficient ways.
 
   
Wikipedia is wholly owned for profit by the [[cult]] group [[Fark]]. As opposed to us and the millions you'll receive if only you were to cover some minor banking fees from our [[friend]] in [[Nigeria]].
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Not really a surprise, since it is ''the'' largest of all Wikimedia-operated wikis. It also has the most active users of any wiki since its very beginning, with currently over 200,000 more users than Uncyclopedia. Though most of them are [[HowTo:Survive a Robot Uprising|bots]], [[trolls]] or [[Politician|people with an agenda to push]] and the [[CIA]].
   
==[[NPOV]]==
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[[File:Dog.JPG|thumb|left|An example of one of the rare non-manipulated photos found on Wikipedia.]]
Stands for ''''nother point of view'''. This means that every visitor is urged to add another, incompatible and highly exotic point of view. Also highly recommended are extensive discussions of word definition. But! beware! to cite the usual (common usage) definition! This is generally considered chickening at WP; instead assume the contrary of this definition and by ways of extended subordinate clauses and historic trivia (''this use was first reported in Western [[Tasmania]] on a note that allegedly the first [[mayor]] of Hogarth Ridge, [[John Edward Lincoln Freeman Clinton Dojovornomosbovich (Hogarth Ridge)|Joe Doe]] issued on occasion of the Hogarth Spring Sweeping'').
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===Articles===
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Wikipedia currently contains three billion articles; 90% of them are either vanity, vandalism, capitalization redirects, conspiracy theories, cabal propaganda, lists of [[profanity|profanities]] in different languages, [[video game]]s, video game sequels, video game tips and walkthroughs or a combination of two or more. 9% are random facts about Tamil People, and the other 1% are ''cited lies,'' or ''wikifacts'' as they are officially known to Wikipedians.
   
Also, everyday facts are best presented as opinion (e.g. "...although it should be kept in mind that no conclusive evidence exists one way or the other, many contend that water is wet, the [[earth]] is round, and poking sharpened sticks into your eyes is not a particularly good idea")
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Normal article layout is very similar to that found on Uncyclopedia with images aligned mostly to the right. Wikipedia maintains a strict minimum requirement for images in their articles. If an editor is unable to find enough appropriate images he is required to create enough to fill the quota or his article will be deleted.
   
==History==
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===Review Process===
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Wikipedia's success in producing accurate and informative articles is largely due to its review process. Although the wiki concept encourages everyone to offer contributions, it's understood that very few people are as clever as the editors. All Wikipedia editors ask themselves the following questions when deciding whether or not to revert the edits:
   
[[Image:Jimbo-bikini-babes.jpg|frame|As a highly respected academic institution, Wikipedia attracts the best and brightest from around the world. Pictured with [[Jimbo]] (center) on the [[Arbitration|Arbitration Committee]] yacht are Dr. Irina Fornikova, 23, a Czechian nuclear physicist, and Dr. Anna Bitiyacockoff, 24, a Moldovan submarine engineer. "The vibrant intellectual majesty of Wikipedia brings forth my mind's heat in a most productive manner," says Dr. Fornikova. "Its notably sizable power of knowledge is ''most'' dominant ''indeed''," purrs Dr. Bitiyacockoff. "We shall interact this evening with a neutral point of view to and from each of the three of us," says Jimbo. "Assume good faith!"]]
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* Was it written by a friend of mine?
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* Did they link to an article I previously wrote?
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* Am I in a good mood?
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* If not, is it a means of winding up someone?
   
''See also: [[The lore and faerie tale of Wikiland and its noble and majestik King Jimbo I]]''
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If unable to answer positively to all of these questions, edits must be reverted, with smug comments posted on the talk page of the offending user. Also, if an editor dislikes another editor and the editor that is disliked edits a page and the editor that dislikes the person that edits the page, then the person's edits will be reverted even if the edits are good edits.
   
Wikipedia was originally founded by Czechoslovakian Rebels. Where did these rebels come from, we do not know or care to fathom. If we knew we would say they came from '''[[Tokyo]]''', but we don't. So we missed the comet and now can't get into [[Heaven]]. There will be [[Spork|sporks]] to pay for this. Meanwhile we forget! Great '''[[Czechoslovakia]]''', the Mother Land! And these rebels burn mothers. Also they are hiding tiger hands.
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==Criticism==
   
The great [[god]] Yaaru plucked out his eyeball and ate it. The juices made the ocean. Blue. Then there was light. And then there was Wikipedia. It had crushed the rebels forever. From the death star! Bad people came in cars and drove through my [[house]] until I was dead. But Wikipedia brought Yaaru's eyeball back to life. Sometimes I sit and grow crack plants. In sidewalks.
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===[[Penis|Vandalism]]===
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[[File:Wikipediaphysics.png|Right|thumb|400px|A typical Wikipedia article.]]
   
But we do not realize it is bad for our health! Every time you learn something a part of your soul will die. This is why [[university]] students leap from tall buildings. [[King Kong]] remembers me but I don't remember him. We had helicopters back then. Did you break my mother's back? I am lazy. We call Wikipedia a [[cute]] fuzzy name. WP. With bunny ears.
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Wikipedia, due to its popularity<sup><span style=font-size:12px>'''[[O RLY?]]'''</span></sup>, has been a subject of persistent [[Moron_section|vandalism.]] Critics '''[[I maed a yuky doody|POOOOOOOP]] LOLOLOLOLOL''' have charged that this makes Wikipedia an unreliable source '''[[Mr winkler is GAY|OMGIHATE MY TEACHER HE IS STUPID IM GONNA KILL HIM]]''' for information '''after taking a shit'''. In responding to this, Wikipedia founder '<s>''''YOUR MOTHERFUCKING MOM!!!!!! BITCH!!!!'''''</s> Jimbo Wales said,
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"This is a persistent issue<br />
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'''{{q|IM GHEY AND I LUV TO KISS MY OWN BUTT|Jimbo wales}}'''
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, and we are working our '''PEEENISSS''' shafts to stop [[Edgar_van_Dali|potential vandals]] before they reach the site '''I LUV TO FUCK MY MOM'''
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'''[[Penispenispenis|PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!11111111onetwo]]'''
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There have been efforts within the Wikipedia important community to improve the [[Bullshit|reliability of Wikipedia]]. The English-language Wikipedia has introduced an assessment '''(HAHA, ASS)''' scale against which the '''SHITBITCH''' quality of how'''ank Sara Johnson's ass''' is judged '''GO SMH COUGARS!!!''' , other editions have also adopted this. Roughly 2000 '''ELECTION WAS RIGGED''' articles in English have passed a rigorous set of criteria to reach the highest rank, "[[Uncyclopedia:Best of|featured article]]" status; such articles are intended to provide '''KATIE IS SEXXXXXXXXXXXYYYYYYYY''' thorough, well-written coverage of '''MAH BALLS''' their topic, supported by many references to '''Chuck Norris-'''.reviewed publications. In order to improve reliability, some editors have called for "<s>sexyass</s> stable versions" of articles, or articles that have been reviewed by the '''mostly [[Hyperdrinking|drunk]] and naked''' community and locked from further editing—but the community has been unable to form a GIANT PENIS DRILL
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[[File:Wikipedia Vandalism2.JPG|left|150px|LOLFAG!!!!!!!!!]]
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'''OMG BUTT FART LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL'''
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consensus in favor of such changes, partly because they would require a major software overhaul, and '''partly because [[Russians|wikipedia editors]] couldn't find there asses with both hands and Google maps''. A similar '''Brainewashing''' system is being tested on the German '''NAZI'''pedia, '''UR ALL TARTS XD LULZ!''' and there is an expectation that some form of that system will make its way onto the English version at some future point. Software created by Luca de Alfaro '''FUCK HIM''' and colleagues at the University of California, Santa Cruz is now being tested that will assign "trust ratings" to individual Wikipedia contributors, with the [[Censorship|intention]] that eventually only edits made by those who have established themselves as'''s''' <s>"trusted editors"</s> '''COMMIE FASCISTS''' will be made immediately visible. '''Many people think it is van<u>a</u>dalised so often due to the obvious fact that it is written by pricks, for [[prick]]s'''
   
In 1492, the Ninja King Abraham Lincoln landed on the moon where he found the great spear, Alfewid. After killing numerous Spaniards, he donned his magic rocket pack and flew back to Earth where he founded Islam. After decimating 14 brigades of suicide-bombers, he dove into the ocean and found some ruins dating back to the time when giant midgets ruled the Earth (about 2009 AD). There he found the Wikipedia, and brought it forth to the masses so that they may learn of his many deeds.
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[[Wikipedia:Chris_Benoit_double_murder_and_suicide#Wikipedia_controversy|Wikipedia has been known to take drastic measures to combat vandalism.]]
   
The WP is known to grow exponentially, defying any Malthusian forces. Considering that it has grown from 3 to 500 000 pages in only 4 years, it is predicted that, by 2010, Wikipedia will be able to answer any question ever. By 2012, it will be three times more powerful than God. By 2020, God realizes the battle is lost and converts to [[Wikipedianity]].
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==The Wikipedia Administrators==
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Wikipedia is ran by a notorious council of virgins known to lesser Wikipedians as 'The Administrators'. These creatures exist solely to eliminate the fun and enjoyment had by anyone who seeks to destroy Wikipedia by adding humorous content. The virgins consider this 'vandalism' and therefore punish these innocent users by preventing them from editing pages. However, in more serious cases,the Administrators send armed Digimon mercenaries to brutally murder the user and their family with teaspoons.. This is only ever done when the words 'gay' and 'wanker' are used in the same sentence. It is said that The Administrators occupy a small yet comfortable conference room at the Jedi Temple on the planet Coruscant. This, according to reliable Wikipedia sources, is where plans are made to further kill humor and increase and prolong human virginity, as The Administrators are banned from ever having sexual intercourse, not that they'll ever get any anyway, and so want everyone to follow their lead. Becoming a Wikipedia Administrator is also apparently not easy. There are numerous criteria which have to be met before the initial selection, some of which include: Being a virgin (obviously) being at least 37 years old and still living in your mom's basement, owning every games console ever made, not knowing what a clitoris is, weigh less than 140lbs or more than 350lbs, wearing wire-framed circular glasses and being only able to read something that's on a screen or 2 feet away from you, having a level 100 World of Warcraft account or a level 100 account on any similar shit online game, only emerging for fresh air once a day,never having a shower, wearing the same clothes for 35 weeks or more per year, never touching a deodorant can, sleeping on a bed with a Star Trek duvet and matching pillowcase and having unresolved daddy issues. Once all of these criteria and many more are met, the Administrator candidates are then tested to see whether they can complete the whole of Pokémon Red on Gameboy Color in under 5 seconds. Only after this are they allowed to sit on the gloriously-soiled Chairs of Eternal Virginity.
   
It is a source for the peculiar, its side effects, minutiae, oddities, lesser-known subjects & people, and hobbies galore: According to some, Sterno was its grounding spirit.
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===Reliability===
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Wikipedia has been known to be ''very'' [[Lie|reliable]], with random facts about sex, cities and [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_paper_orientation sexual orientations] strewn about everywhere.{{Citation needed}} And of course, people who copy-paste from Wikipedia's articles always get [[Epic Fail|full marks]] for their assignments.
   
They are also infamous for their ruthless [[marketing]] division who many say will be the first against the wall after the [[revolution]] comes.
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According to John Seigenthaler Sr., an advocate for Wikipedia, Wikipedia "is great. I read the article about me, and it correctly stated that [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seigenthaler_incident I was involved in the Kennedy Assassination,] before I even ''told'' anyone. I love you, Wikipedia!"
   
Also of note is the alleged mailing of fecal matter between high level wikipedia operatives. Are they fecophiliacs? Are they coprophages? Is this some clue to their real cult masters' religious beliefs? It is suggested you ask them by editing as many pages as possible by adding the preceding three sentences and replacing "they" with "you, wikipedia [[administrators]],"
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In the summer of 2007 Wikipedia was criticized for accurately displaying the location and planned movements of all US troops stationed in Iraq in their article on [[Aspergers|asparagus]]. Though conservative journalists such as Geraldo Rivera and Joan Rivers repeatedly edited this information out, Wikipedia editors quickly replaced it with even more detailed reports. This led to the first "revert war" in recorded history. Many online nicknames fell in the conflict, and it was finally the Supreme Court who stepped in and settled it stating "The reliability of the Wikipedia is paramount. Wikipedia is the United States' best source of [[porn|information]] and we can't let fear hamper our quest for knowledge".<ref>Then they retired to their quarters for martinis and high colonics.</ref> The asparagus article was then summarily deleted and a small goat was sacrificed to the [[cabal]].
   
==Constitution==
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In cases where reality would seem to conflict with any given Wikipedia article, reality must be altered to ensure consistency. One such conflict led to the Bill of Rights being rewritten to exclude the [[Irish]].<ref>Which, frankly, was long overdue anyway.</ref> While Wikipedia claims their images to be 100% factual, the pictures are in fact [[photoshopped]] with the purpose of [[schizophrenia|altering the way people view reality]].
The '''[[Constitution]]''' of WP is one of the easiest of any constituency; it is comparable to ''The Bremen Town Musicians''. On the bottom is the [[donkey]], all the nameless users putting in their favourite hobby, town, musician, or area of learning.
 
   
The next - the [[dog]] are the regular users with a page about themselves, versed in the art of [[editing (Wikipedia)|editing]], able to find the many corners and pages, aware of the rule of "[[3RR|Thou shalt not edit more than thrice]]".
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[[Conservapedia|It is also a well known, but grave fact that Wikipedia has a well known liberal bias]]. Other biases include the tendancy of individuals to write only [[Generic Dog|about topics]] for which they have a strong emotional attachment or personal interest.
   
The following, (fittingly cats) are the officials, nobles, wise [[men]], fearless knights, and ministers. Aware of the "[[The way (Wikipedia)|Way]]", they have fought many a battle against [[half-employed bibliothecary|rogues]], [[system admin-was-physics student|vandals]], [[senior with a writing-knack|POV pushers]] or [[kids|trolls]].
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==Future Plans==
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[[File:Notebook and pencil.jpg|thumb|right|Wikipedia's projected hardcopy design due to hit shelves in 2013 in Wikipedia's current growth rate.]]Wikipedia has faced financial difficulties in recent years. In an effort to ride out their hardships Wikipedia founder Jimbo Wales<ref>If you speak his name enough times, he will show up on your doorstep with cookies and beer.</ref> has expressed interest in expanding Wikipedia<ref>If you say Wikipedia enough times God kills a kitten.</ref> into other forms of media. He has shown a particular interest in portable forms of Wikipedia such as the energy saving "GreenWiki+ Nano(v2.7)" (shown at right). There have also been rumors of a straight to DVD edition of the Wikipedia Movie but at the time of this writing no confirmation could be obtained.{{citation needed}}
   
On top of all is someone known by the name [[Jimbo]] (or ''his eminence, King [[Jimbo|Jimbo I]] of Wikiland''), the cock-on-top of the pyramid. He has, justified by the [[Divine Right of Kings]], adopted the official name of
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===Advertising===
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While Jimmy Wales<ref>We're friends now, and friends call him Jimmy.</ref> has long maintained a firm opposition to any form of advertising on Wikipedia,<ref>Or "The Wiki" as me and Jimmy like to call it.</ref> economical difficulties are making this hardline stance difficult to maintain. While all other wikis<ref>Note the distinction between wikis and "The Wiki". It's important and Jimmy will quiz you if you ever meet him. Not that you will. You're reading Uncyclopedia and are obviously beneath his notice.</ref> except [[Uncyclopedia]] succumbed to the allure of easy money a long time ago, Jim is determined to keep Wikipedia free from advertisements of any sort for as long as Uncyclopedia and the other wikis have adverts. Although, they didn't deny the possibility of advertising themselves on their Main Page. Also, they invited other wikis to help them to drive more traffic to their site, for example Uncyclopedia. Furthermore, Wikipedia has recently taken up a rather aggressive marketing campaign of demoting other wikis in the chance of getting more hits for itself, as seen at the top of the page. Many respond to this negatively, instead referring to supporters of the campaign as "gay," "pussies" and "complete idiots for even thinking demoting other wikis would work."
   
:''We, Jimbo the First, by the grace of [[Ayn Rand]], [[Emperor]] of Wikiland; King of Wikimedia, Wiktionary, Wikisource, Wikibooks, Wikiversity, Wikinews, Wikispecies, and Commons; Archduke of Meta-Wiki; Duke of the [[German]], [[French]], Japanese, Spanish, Portuguese, Polish, and [[Dutch]] Wikipedia; Grand Duke of Meta-Wiki; [[Prince]] of Swedish WP; Margrave of Dansk WP; Duke of Catalan, Frisian, Korean, Serbian and [[Czech]], [[Russian]] and Ukrainian, Frisian, and Icelandic WP; Prince of the Mailing-list and IRC channel; Princely Count of Walloon, Tartar, and [[Esperanto]] and of the [[Klingon]]; and Margrave of Latin and [[Greek]] Wikis'', some times quoted shortly as ''His most Neutral Highness''
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==Footnotes==
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<small><references/></small>
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==See Also==
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{| width=80% style="margin-bottom:20px" |
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|width=20%|
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* [[Nobody Cares]]
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|width=20%|
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* [[About]]
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|width=20%|
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* [[The]]
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|width=20%|
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* [[Facts]]
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|}
   
==Wikipedia Isnotisms==
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{{UnMedia}}
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{{FA|date=9 September 2005|revision=160718}}
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{| align=center class="thumbcaption" style="border:solid #ddd 1px; margin-top:-3px; background:#eee; width:601px"
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| align=center |<small>''This article has been rewritten since being featured on 9 September 2005. See the old version [[Wikipedia/old|here]].''</small>
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|}
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{{Colonized}}
   
Articles in Wikipedia are often deleted with a clever and witty message attached. These "joke deletions" are a fun activity that users play towards each other- whomever writes the cleverest message gets to delete someone else's article, and the author of said article checks up on it only to find it removed, and promptly dies in various fits of laughter. These colloquial sayings are known as "isnotisms," and are presented in the following format:
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{{Link FA|ja}}
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{{Link FA|he}}
*Wikipedia is not a crystal ball (Wikipedia is a crystal ball, but claims not to be)
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[[ar:ويكيبيديا]]
*Wikipedia is not a cookbook
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[[bn:উইকিপিডিয়া]]
*Wikipedia is not a pornographic image repository
+
[[ca:Viquipèdia]]
*Wikipedia is not a place for master debaters
+
[[cs:Wikipedie]]
*Wikipedia is not a place for [[Schoolcruft]]
+
[[da:Wikipedia]]
*Wikipedia is not a land of milk and honey
+
[[de:Wikipedia]]
*Wikipedia is not a valid reference material
+
[[el:Βικιπαίδεια]]
*Wikipedia is not a place for happy people
+
[[eo:Vikipedio]]
*Wikipedia is not a-bove plagiarising
+
[[es:Wikipedia]]
*Wikipedia is not a majoritarian democracy
+
[[fa:ویکی‌پدیا]]
*Wikipedia is not your Dad's favourite pair of polka-dotted socks
+
[[fi:Wikipedia]]
*Wikipedia is not Oscar Wilde in disguise
+
[[fr:Wikipédia]]
*Wikipedia is not better than looking at fannies
+
[[he:ויקיפדיה]]
*Wikipedia is not a Korean tranny prostitute, although evidence has been found to that effect
+
[[hr:Wikipedija]]
*Wikipedia is not a city in Texas
+
[[hu:Cvikipédia]]
+
[[id:Wikipedia]]
Wikipedia could, however, be considered pie.
+
[[it:Wikipedia]]
+
[[ja:ウィキペディア]]
==Notable Figures==
+
[[ko:위키백과]]
Among the '''notable figures''' of the [[Non-cabal]] are [[Snownut]], [[hell]]-hound guarding the gates of speech, and Raoul987654321, promoter of text to fame and foremostness.
+
[[la:Wikipedia]]
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[[lt:Vikipedija]]
Strangely enough, in an article from an Uncyclopedia that fell through a hole in space-time, the entirety of Wikipedia's staff (especially the marketing division) was described as "being the first against the wall after the revolution came"
+
[[lv:Vikipēdija]]
+
[[mk:Википедија]]
== [[Oscar Wilde]] on Wikipedia ==
+
[[nl:Wikipedia]]
*"I have nothing to declare...except my wikipedia." - Oscar "I'm-so-witty" Wilde
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[[no:Wikipedia]]
*"In examinations the foolish ask questions that Wikipedia cannot answer." - Oscar Wilde
+
[[pl:Wikipedia]]
*"Wikipedia is to Uncyclopedia as ass-wipe is to a dictionary." - Oscar Wilde
+
[[pt:Wikipédia]]
*"Wikipedia is a site that knows the meaning of [[everything]] but the value of [[nothing]]." - Oscar Wilde
+
[[ru:Википедия]]
*"Wikipedia is quite useless." - Oscar Wilde
+
[[sk:Wikipédia]]
*"If Wikipedia were a [[woman]], I should not find her attractive. If Uncyclopedia were a woman, I should not find her attractive, either. However, I would find her more compelling." - Oscar Wilde, [[drunk]]
+
[[sr:Србска Православна Њикипедија]]
*"Wikipedia is a box of sheer vastness, but of sheerer emptiness." - Oscar Wilde
+
[[sv:Wikipedia]]
*"What, drawn and speak of Wikipedia! I hate the word, as I hate hell, all Montagues, and you, Jimmy." - Oscar Wilde (to [[Jimmy]])
+
[[th:วิเกรียนพีเดีย]]
*"It was only recently that I spoke to [[Tom Usher]], who is a fine fellow. Fine though he may be, he refuses to see the [[evil]] of Wikipedia. Needless to say, he is now dead." - Oscar Wilde
+
[[tl:Wikipedia]]
*"Shoot all the encyclopedias you like, if you can hit 'em. But remember its a sin to kill a wikipedia." - Oscar Wilde
+
[[tr:Vikipedi]]
*"You must come with me to Alderaan if you too are to learn the ways of the Wikipedia and become a Jimbo like your [[father]]" - Oscar Wilde
+
[[uk:Вікіпедія]]
*"I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and Wikipedia will still be ugly." - Oscar Wilde
+
[[zh:维基百科]]
*"What?" - Oscar Wilde
+
[[zh-tw:維基百科]]
+
[[Category:Colonization Pages]]
==See also==
+
[[Category:Wikipedia]]
*[[BJAODN]], the only reliable part of Wikipedia
+
[[Category:Websites]]
*[[Uncyclopedia:True Facts and Other Deleted Prose|TFAODP]], the only unreliable part of Uncyclopedia
+
[[Category:Wiki communities]]
*[[Wikiese]]
+
[[Category:Evil Organizations]]
*[[The Life and Death of a Template]]
 
*[[Senseo]]
 
 
== External links ==
 
{{wikipedia}}
 
*[http://www.kapitalism.net/thoughts/wikipedia.htm Lir is a Vandal that hates the Wikipedia]
 
*[[Wikipedia:Main Page|Wikipedia]]
 
*[[Wikipedia:Uncyclopedia|Wikipedia's article about Uncyclopedia]]
 
*[[Wikipedia:Wikipedia|Wikipedia's article about Wikipedia]]
 
*[[Wikipedia#|Uncyclopedia's article about Wikipedia]]
 
*[[Uncyclopedia|Uncyclopedia's article about Uncyclopedia]]
 
*[[Main Page|Uncyclopedia]]
 
*[http://openfacts.berlios.de/index-en.phtml?title=Wikipedia_Status&oldid=14148 Wikipedia Status on July 25th - "Going down more often than a two-bit hooker"]
 
 
 
{{Partialspork|Wikipedia, the freakin' subject of this article}}
 
 
[[Category: Wikipedia]]
 
[[Category: Websites]]
 
[[Category: Evil Organizations]]
 
[[Category: Wiki]]
 
 
[[Category:Things that may be out to get you]]
 
[[Category:Things that may be out to get you]]
 
[[Category:Scams]]
 
[[Category:Scams]]
{{ArticleFH}}
+
[[Category:Cults]]
  +
[[Category:Self-respecting encyclopedias]]
  +
[[Category:Nosy know-it-alls]]
  +
[[Category:Serious Business]]
  +
[[Category:Things That are destroying the net]]

Latest revision as of 01:11, June 3, 2014

Wikimedia-servers-2009-04-05

Wikipedia works using a complex network of buckets, cups, donuts, pointy hats, boxes and mysterious spherical objects.

These self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have a fuckin' article about THEMSELVES. Talk about objectivity! Vain fuckers.
The faux patriot snake handlers at Conservapedia have an even funnier article about Wikipedia.

Lies, damned lies, and Wikipedia articles.

~ Benjamin Disraeli on Wikipedia

Isn't it annoying how Wikipedia always copies your homework

~ A School kid on Wikipedia

Wikipedia isn't a good source. Didn't you know it was a fuckin' parody?

~ A Teacher on Wikipedia

Mission Accomplished.

~ George Bush on Wikipedia

Wikipedia ("the 'free' encyclopedia") is a website that parodies Uncyclopedia. It was founded in 2001, when it began its noble goal of spreading the world's misinformation in the most inconspicuous way possible. For this reason, academic experts strongly urge students not to cite Wikipedia.[1] Originally written exclusively in Klingon, the project currently spans all the known languages of history.[2] The English version has over twelve million pages, most of them capitalization redirects.

Only one vehicle for article humor is employed at Wikipedia: actual information[citation needed]. However, much of the behind-the-scenes aspects of Uncyclopedia are also parodied, from the abundance of maintenance templates to the system for rating articles. Like Uncyclopedia, Wikipedia has guidelines regarding what is and is not acceptable content, and these guidelines have become exceedingly long and complex as a parody of Uncyclopedia's comparatively simple rules. The site has gained media attention due to its articles on places, people, and painfully obscure pop culture.

Wikipedia's name is a portmanteau of the words wiki (a technology for stealing content from other websites, from the Hawaiian word wiki, meaning 'thief') and pedia meaning 'children'; literally stealing content for perverting children's brains.[3] Its logo is a spherical magical puzzle globe, named Merlin after the loyal wizard of King Arthur's court, which serves as a spoof of Uncyclopedia's hollow potato logo.

edit History and Creation

Nupedia

The name "nupedia" clearly shows a connection with Jimbo's earlier project bomis.com.

Wikipedia traces its origins to 2001, when a pair of bored college students, Jimbo Wales and Larry Sanger, decided that the same principles that made things like the graffiti on bathroom stalls great could also be applied to internet encyclopedias.[4] Armed with a pretentious sense of self-righteousness and a can-do attitude, the two bright-eyed youngsters created their website, named "nupedia.com". Naturally, this venture was a spectacular failure. Instead of learning from their mistake, though, Wales and Sanger decided to go the AIG route, and rename their idea while making no real changes to it.

So, they discarded the idea of "nupedia" and switched to "wikipedia", which had four letters before the pedia instead of two, and was therefore twice as good an idea. As time progressed, Wikipedia began to draw lots of attention: from internet nerds to computer geeks to technology lovers to sedentary basement-dwelling internet-surfers, the whole world was talking about Wikipedia.

However, Wikipedia still had to find a way to make money. Although Wales and Sanger toyed with the idea of setting up a small porn server in a subdomain, they eventually decided that nobody really wanted to see them naked, and settled on switching to a .org domain. They hoped that they could con enough people into giving them money to pay for their bandwidth usage, and quickly coded a button that read "click here to donate to relief funds for the Rwanda genocide." A few thousand gullible paypal users later, and Wikipedia had all the money they would ever need.

Seeing that this method showed promising results, the Financial Department of Wikipedia, decided to make an even greater fund raising event which attracted more people. Vandalists, not wanting their work to become inaccessible , contributed more than the average writer. Also, worshipers of Mr. Wales had their part too, using their secret Swiss account so that the sum of all human knowledge would remain in safe hands.

By 2007, Wikipedia had become one of the top ten Web 2.0 websites, and today it has over three million articles, mostly about bands no one has ever heard of, one-time Naruto characters, and rare diseases mentioned in passing on House.[5]

edit Content

Size of English Wikipedia broken down

The distribution of "content" on Wikipedia. Note the wanker to the left.

Yes, Wikipedia is quite content with itself. Thanks for asking!

Not really a surprise, since it is the largest of all Wikimedia-operated wikis. It also has the most active users of any wiki since its very beginning, with currently over 200,000 more users than Uncyclopedia. Though most of them are bots, trolls or people with an agenda to push and the CIA.

Dog

An example of one of the rare non-manipulated photos found on Wikipedia.

edit Articles

Wikipedia currently contains three billion articles; 90% of them are either vanity, vandalism, capitalization redirects, conspiracy theories, cabal propaganda, lists of profanities in different languages, video games, video game sequels, video game tips and walkthroughs or a combination of two or more. 9% are random facts about Tamil People, and the other 1% are cited lies, or wikifacts as they are officially known to Wikipedians.

Normal article layout is very similar to that found on Uncyclopedia with images aligned mostly to the right. Wikipedia maintains a strict minimum requirement for images in their articles. If an editor is unable to find enough appropriate images he is required to create enough to fill the quota or his article will be deleted.

edit Review Process

Wikipedia's success in producing accurate and informative articles is largely due to its review process. Although the wiki concept encourages everyone to offer contributions, it's understood that very few people are as clever as the editors. All Wikipedia editors ask themselves the following questions when deciding whether or not to revert the edits:

  • Was it written by a friend of mine?
  • Did they link to an article I previously wrote?
  • Am I in a good mood?
  • If not, is it a means of winding up someone?

If unable to answer positively to all of these questions, edits must be reverted, with smug comments posted on the talk page of the offending user. Also, if an editor dislikes another editor and the editor that is disliked edits a page and the editor that dislikes the person that edits the page, then the person's edits will be reverted even if the edits are good edits.

edit Criticism

edit Vandalism

Wikipediaphysics

A typical Wikipedia article.

Wikipedia, due to its popularityO RLY?, has been a subject of persistent vandalism. Critics POOOOOOOP LOLOLOLOLOL have charged that this makes Wikipedia an unreliable source OMGIHATE MY TEACHER HE IS STUPID IM GONNA KILL HIM for information after taking a shit. In responding to this, Wikipedia founder ''YOUR MOTHERFUCKING MOM!!!!!! BITCH!!!! Jimbo Wales said, "This is a persistent issue

“IM GHEY AND I LUV TO KISS MY OWN BUTT”

, and we are working our PEEENISSS shafts to stop potential vandals before they reach the site I LUV TO FUCK MY MOM PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!11111111onetwo There have been efforts within the Wikipedia important community to improve the reliability of Wikipedia. The English-language Wikipedia has introduced an assessment (HAHA, ASS) scale against which the SHITBITCH quality of howank Sara Johnson's ass is judged GO SMH COUGARS!!! , other editions have also adopted this. Roughly 2000 ELECTION WAS RIGGED articles in English have passed a rigorous set of criteria to reach the highest rank, "featured article" status; such articles are intended to provide KATIE IS SEXXXXXXXXXXXYYYYYYYY thorough, well-written coverage of MAH BALLS their topic, supported by many references to Chuck Norris-.reviewed publications. In order to improve reliability, some editors have called for "sexyass stable versions" of articles, or articles that have been reviewed by the mostly drunk and naked community and locked from further editing—but the community has been unable to form a GIANT PENIS DRILL

OMG BUTT FART LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

consensus in favor of such changes, partly because they would require a major software overhaul, and partly because wikipedia editors couldn't find there asses with both hands and Google maps. A similar Brainewashing' system is being tested on the German NAZIpedia, UR ALL TARTS XD LULZ! and there is an expectation that some form of that system will make its way onto the English version at some future point. Software created by Luca de Alfaro FUCK HIM and colleagues at the University of California, Santa Cruz is now being tested that will assign "trust ratings" to individual Wikipedia contributors, with the intention that eventually only edits made by those who have established themselves ass "trusted editors" COMMIE FASCISTS will be made immediately visible. Many people think it is vanadalised so often due to the obvious fact that it is written by pricks, for pricks

Wikipedia has been known to take drastic measures to combat vandalism.

edit The Wikipedia Administrators

Wikipedia is ran by a notorious council of virgins known to lesser Wikipedians as 'The Administrators'. These creatures exist solely to eliminate the fun and enjoyment had by anyone who seeks to destroy Wikipedia by adding humorous content. The virgins consider this 'vandalism' and therefore punish these innocent users by preventing them from editing pages. However, in more serious cases,the Administrators send armed Digimon mercenaries to brutally murder the user and their family with teaspoons.. This is only ever done when the words 'gay' and 'wanker' are used in the same sentence. It is said that The Administrators occupy a small yet comfortable conference room at the Jedi Temple on the planet Coruscant. This, according to reliable Wikipedia sources, is where plans are made to further kill humor and increase and prolong human virginity, as The Administrators are banned from ever having sexual intercourse, not that they'll ever get any anyway, and so want everyone to follow their lead. Becoming a Wikipedia Administrator is also apparently not easy. There are numerous criteria which have to be met before the initial selection, some of which include: Being a virgin (obviously) being at least 37 years old and still living in your mom's basement, owning every games console ever made, not knowing what a clitoris is, weigh less than 140lbs or more than 350lbs, wearing wire-framed circular glasses and being only able to read something that's on a screen or 2 feet away from you, having a level 100 World of Warcraft account or a level 100 account on any similar shit online game, only emerging for fresh air once a day,never having a shower, wearing the same clothes for 35 weeks or more per year, never touching a deodorant can, sleeping on a bed with a Star Trek duvet and matching pillowcase and having unresolved daddy issues. Once all of these criteria and many more are met, the Administrator candidates are then tested to see whether they can complete the whole of Pokémon Red on Gameboy Color in under 5 seconds. Only after this are they allowed to sit on the gloriously-soiled Chairs of Eternal Virginity.

edit Reliability

Wikipedia has been known to be very reliable, with random facts about sex, cities and sexual orientations strewn about everywhere.[citation needed] And of course, people who copy-paste from Wikipedia's articles always get full marks for their assignments.

According to John Seigenthaler Sr., an advocate for Wikipedia, Wikipedia "is great. I read the article about me, and it correctly stated that I was involved in the Kennedy Assassination, before I even told anyone. I love you, Wikipedia!"

In the summer of 2007 Wikipedia was criticized for accurately displaying the location and planned movements of all US troops stationed in Iraq in their article on asparagus. Though conservative journalists such as Geraldo Rivera and Joan Rivers repeatedly edited this information out, Wikipedia editors quickly replaced it with even more detailed reports. This led to the first "revert war" in recorded history. Many online nicknames fell in the conflict, and it was finally the Supreme Court who stepped in and settled it stating "The reliability of the Wikipedia is paramount. Wikipedia is the United States' best source of information and we can't let fear hamper our quest for knowledge".[6] The asparagus article was then summarily deleted and a small goat was sacrificed to the cabal.

In cases where reality would seem to conflict with any given Wikipedia article, reality must be altered to ensure consistency. One such conflict led to the Bill of Rights being rewritten to exclude the Irish.[7] While Wikipedia claims their images to be 100% factual, the pictures are in fact photoshopped with the purpose of altering the way people view reality.

It is also a well known, but grave fact that Wikipedia has a well known liberal bias. Other biases include the tendancy of individuals to write only about topics for which they have a strong emotional attachment or personal interest.

edit Future Plans

Notebook and pencil

Wikipedia's projected hardcopy design due to hit shelves in 2013 in Wikipedia's current growth rate.

Wikipedia has faced financial difficulties in recent years. In an effort to ride out their hardships Wikipedia founder Jimbo Wales[8] has expressed interest in expanding Wikipedia[9] into other forms of media. He has shown a particular interest in portable forms of Wikipedia such as the energy saving "GreenWiki+ Nano(v2.7)" (shown at right). There have also been rumors of a straight to DVD edition of the Wikipedia Movie but at the time of this writing no confirmation could be obtained.[citation needed]

edit Advertising

While Jimmy Wales[10] has long maintained a firm opposition to any form of advertising on Wikipedia,[11] economical difficulties are making this hardline stance difficult to maintain. While all other wikis[12] except Uncyclopedia succumbed to the allure of easy money a long time ago, Jim is determined to keep Wikipedia free from advertisements of any sort for as long as Uncyclopedia and the other wikis have adverts. Although, they didn't deny the possibility of advertising themselves on their Main Page. Also, they invited other wikis to help them to drive more traffic to their site, for example Uncyclopedia. Furthermore, Wikipedia has recently taken up a rather aggressive marketing campaign of demoting other wikis in the chance of getting more hits for itself, as seen at the top of the page. Many respond to this negatively, instead referring to supporters of the campaign as "gay," "pussies" and "complete idiots for even thinking demoting other wikis would work."

edit Footnotes

  1. Wikipedia
  2. English and Spanish
  3. The filthy thieves behind Wikipedia
  4. A popular misconception is that the idea for Wikipedia came after reading the "True Facts and other Deleted Prose" section of Uncyclopedia.
  5. It's rarely, if ever, Lupus.
  6. Then they retired to their quarters for martinis and high colonics.
  7. Which, frankly, was long overdue anyway.
  8. If you speak his name enough times, he will show up on your doorstep with cookies and beer.
  9. If you say Wikipedia enough times God kills a kitten.
  10. We're friends now, and friends call him Jimmy.
  11. Or "The Wiki" as me and Jimmy like to call it.
  12. Note the distinction between wikis and "The Wiki". It's important and Jimmy will quiz you if you ever meet him. Not that you will. You're reading Uncyclopedia and are obviously beneath his notice.

edit See Also

   v  d  e
Wikipedia is part of Uncyclopedia's series on Mass Media.


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This article has been rewritten since being featured on 9 September 2005. See the old version here.
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