Wiki Trolls

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Troll01

Wiki Troll

Note that this is an artists impression only. Wiki Trolls rarely venture into the sunlight.

The Wiki Trolls are a part of a large subgroup of the Internet Police species known as "Single Server Inhabbitants". These individuals often only inhabit a sole website, chatroom or forum

edit Lifestyle

The Wiki Trolls rarely venturing further than the confines of their bedrooms (Due to the development of technology some have been sparingly in the kitchen using WiFi while making breakfast) in the real world or much further than the site in which they ocupy in the virtral world. Wiki Trolls often suffer hygiene issues due to their dedication to their job which requires a Troll to be online 90% of any given day as well as constantly vigilant in regards to anyone who may say anything. The 10% of the day which the troll 'might' not be on is often used for one task only which may be one of the following:

  • Eating - The most regularly utilised option.
  • Washing themselves - Deemed un-important by most Wiki Trolls therefore rarely used.
  • Reconnecting to the Internet - On the odd occasion that their ISP fails they will switch to one of their backup ISP's.
  • Crying - Power outages have often been the result of a Internet Troll losing their job hence the reason for intense levels of sadness.
  • Toileting - One theory states that a professional Troll can go upwards of a week without requiring to submit them selves to such action. A further theory suggests that a Troll does not go to the toilet at all, either literally or figuratively.
  • Reproduction - It has been proven that Internet trolls, much like herpes, always have been and always will be. There are no females, nor males, there simply are.
  • Cleaning - After lengthy periods of working as a Troll various parts of a computer may start to malfunction. For example, keyboards filled with cake chunks and/or fingernails, CPU Heatsinks clogged with dust.

edit Health issues

Due to the lack of utilisation many Trolls often suffer from illnesses common to Internet dwellers.

  • Square Eye Syndrome - A condition in which the eyeballs themselves deform into cube shaped organs in turn becoming eyecubes (Squareartius Opicus Syndromus has also been linked to another ailment Widsquareartius Opicus Syndromus).
  • Continual Repetition of the word lol - (Continuis Driblis of Lollis ofeth the oralis orrifice-th) This is a serious condition that ails many a Internet dweller, it is believed that the patient suffering the condition can in fact control themselves yet are just ignorant to the fact, this is yet to be proved scientifically.

edit Occupation

Pieeater

A more realistic artists impression.

The Wiki Troll's job as a Wiki Policeman essentially requires the Troll to delete any post (if they have the power) that they know may offend someone or failing that if they do not know whether it should offend someone they shall pretend they themselves are offended to ensure that the Internet community at large is protected from inappropriate or uncouth material. Wiki Police often hold positions as administrators, moderators or whistle blowers depending on the amount of experience they hold. A troll's 'xp' can be measured in a variety of ways including:

  • Posts - Amount of posts the Troll has made.
  • Complaints - Amount of complaints or reports a Troll has made.
  • Contacts 1 - The amount of contacts a Troll possesses on his or her contact list.
  • Contacts 2 - The amount of admins or mods that the Troll has talked to in PM or has the e-mail address of.
  • Profile Views - The amount of views a Troll has contributed to, this demonstrates good research skills, or stalker tendencies, it is not entirely clear which is more prevalent.

edit Confusion

Wiki Trolls have often been associated with the term n00b however this is an incorrect relation as Wiki Trolls contrary to popular belief actually possess intelligence, it has however been dedicated to the wrong application.

edit Wiki Trolls throughout the ages

  • God - Life member of the source forge project site for "Earth". Though it is not known how many contributions he has actually made to the project it is widely speculated that he is in fact the creator of the project. Although having a 24/7 contact service many have found that it is hard to contact him and although when he has been contacted in the past it appears through comparison that he tends to have mood swings. Here follows an example chat log with God:
#Recovered chat: 4004BC1030
#Adam eats apple
"Adam" Mmm, tasty shit ey Eve?
"Eve" Sure is adam!
#God~Admin enters
"God~Admin" Sup all?
"Adam" Eating yo
"God~Admin" wth? Eatin what?
"Eve" Nuthen lol
"God~Admin" You ate the apples out of my fruit bowl, gtfo of my chat room 
#God~Admin slaps Eve and Adam with a big sloppy wet fish
"Eve" lol God
"God~Admin" No serious, gtfo
#Eve has been kicked from the channel
"Adam" Thats not fair! God Damnit
"God~Admin" No foregiveness
#Adam goes to the cupboard
"Adam" Screw you
#Adam has been kicked from the channel
"God~Admin" Where are the crackers and cheese? Me damnit!

Another Example:

#Recovered chat: 2010AD0520
"Alistair8yo" Dear god, mummy and daddy had a fight today, 
please stop them being angry at each other amen.
#Mysterious aura fills the area
"God~Admin" You didnt use a capital G when you said my name 
kid, forgive and forget thats all I can say.
#Mysterious aura disappears
"Alistair8yo" ?
God in the computer lab

God~Admin is a vengeful Admin.

  • Jesus - A notable figure on the "Earth" forums. A very controversial poster who's contributions to the project were ridiculed, many did not want him teaching the ways of the c++ to the uneducated fan n00bs. He was eventually banned by the mod Pontius Pilote (A Troll himself) who did not agree with what he did. The ban reason cited was that Jesus had been spamming inappropriate material. Pontius was later removed from his post as moderator by God~Admin who promptly tried to reverse Jesus's ban. Jesus returned for a few days to the forums but felt that it was no longer the place for him, he retired the forums in grace although he has said that he may return one day.
  • Pontius Pilate - A moderator on the "Earth" forums. The highlight of his trolling life was that he was the Wiki Police officer that banned Jesus from the forum. His title was later removed from him by God~Admin.
  • Ghandi - Gandhi was a militant anti-flamer who often turned flamers into well respected people through his ideals of simpleness. Gandhi was sadly removed from the forum members by an unorthodox hack attack. Gandhi has not returned to the forums since however the hacker was caught and punished.
  • Al Gore - Al Gore is a frequenter of the environmental forums. Not only does he post them he has created many of his own topic based forums which range from U.S. presidential elections to truths which happen to be inconvenient. Al Gore is still a current forum member and can be found posting in on many different sites.

edit See Also

  • Internet
  • Any Chan site - Proven to be the largest haunt of forum trolls on the Internet
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