Our historians think WikiClones were invented approximatly at the same time as Jesus died (approx. 755 B.C.).[w00t] WikiClones used to be clones anyone can edit. This is why Jesus' WikiClone looked more to Michael Jackson than to Jesus himself. As WikiClones are not free ($17.98/month with a basic membership), illegal copies of Britney Spears nude were downloaded by hundreds on illegal P2P programs. Steve Jobs bought 1995 copyrights on WikiClones and made then downloadable on iTunes for $2.99.
Well, you know I don't have long for this world. That's why I'm gonna tell you everything I learned about life. I expect you will read this to your kids for me, otherwise you won't get any of my damn life insurance money. Understand ya little bastard? Good.
First off, your mother is a slut. She just finished having sex with with Horatio. You know, he's that Mexican fucker down the hall (You met him when you first brought me here.). In fact, all women are sluts. I'm quite tempted to include a crudely drawn illustration to prove my point, but I don't have the crayons to draw it with. Instead, I'll just tell you all women are sluts. If I remember to get some crayons when I go to the store later, I'll draw it out for you. But no guarantees. I'm not a fucking Wal-Mart store, dammit! In fact, they fired me... Said I was the worse greeter since Dick Cheney worked there... Apparently touching women's breasts as they entered is classified as "sexual harassment", nowadays. Back in my day, it was impolite not to cop-a-feel. How I long for the 50s! Back then, the only women on television were housewives who weren't allowed to have jobs. Too bad those days are gone.
1735 - A French pot head trips on the remains of Napoleon, nobody gives a damn except for a very young Keith Richards.
1846 - Engrish troops invade Minnesota, realize they took a wrong turn on the way to France and turn around. Indians scalp and rape several. Queen Victoria then leads the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers in revenge raids after defeating Batman and UltraZachary Taylor.
1965 - A flying saucer lands in California, Scientology briefly becomes popular, at least until the government fire bombs all the celebrities. A massive cover up ensues but is discovered by an intrepid pair of FBI agents, Yogi and Boo Boo.
1969 - Oscar Wilde is discovered painting a mosaic of Islamic extremists with his urine. Extremists eat sacred cows in retaliation. Gandhi is shocked and appalled, the movie Gandhi II is released as a result of real world events.
1974 - End of an oil embargo crisis: Most OPEC nations end a 5-month oil embargo against the United States, America tells them to fuck off; invents electric vehicles.
1980 - The world is taken over by the governmen... er... um... Hey guys, how are you? What with those guns pointed at my head? Everything suddenly turns black. I awaken in a dimly lit room with only a hamster turning a wheel. The hamster stops and says, "You have just won $1 million in the American Clearinghouse Sweepstakes!" I wake up and it's only a dream! I open the paper and see the world is taken over by the governmen... er... um... Hey guys, how are you?...
1982 - Mount St. Helens erupts in Washington, killing several million hikers and causing US$390 trillion in damage. Government cover up of the tragedy includes flying monkeys with super-soakers.
1988 - Two U.S. Army roflcopters collide in Fort Campbell, Kentucky, killing 1337 squirrels.
1990 - China begins plans to hack google and steal information on McDonalds cheeseburger prep.
1990 - South Korean scientists recreate Mohammed from cloned DNA of a chihuahua. The world falls into darkness.
1998 - Beer first enters my stomach. Thousands rejoice.
π - The US Supreme Court declares that π has just as much of a right to be a year as any other year and declares the next 20 years to be the year π as back pay for this injustice over two millennia old.
2012 - The apocalypse at the end of the world as opposed to the apocalypse at the beginning is discovered to have been caused by Unyclopedia running out of ideas for anniversaries. Mission accomplished.
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many monthsyears to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!