Wigger culture took a giant step forward in the era of the silent movie, when patrons could not tell how phony an actor's African-American accent was.

A wigger is a white person who wishes he were black. Wiggers rarely resort to applying shoe polish to the face, like Al Jolson (pictured) and Ted Danson; and when they do, there is often something else going on. However, they may adopt many of the other, more absurd, affectations of African Americans, such as wearing their trousers so that the crotch is somewhere around the knees, speaking a made-up dialect, and giving their offspring idiotic names.

Wigger cultureEdit

The spread of wigger culture baffles modern social scientists. At a time when African Americans seem to loathe their own skin color — protesting in Washington, D.C. and many college campuses that whites take one look at them and conspire to ruin them, so much so that they need safe spaces and trigger warnings against verbal micro-aggressions such as, "Get a job!" — most white teenagers in the United States race to celebrate black separatism, and defeat it by demanding to be counted in as well.

Rap music is popular with wiggers, and many pop-pickers enjoy songs that have only a single chord, backing vocals that were sampled from a legitimate song, and some guy with lead vocals not singing but chanting about how unfair the world is to blacks. They never realize that the rapper is a white boy who has adopted the wigger culture rather than go to music school, which remains a much slower road to wealth. Eminem and Vanilla Ice are two wigger artists who have made billions from blacks, exploiting their desire for for-us-by-us music even when it is not by-us. "Wigger rap" is now a legitimate music genre, despite being analogous to "African-American two-parent family."

Famous wiggersEdit

U.S. General Jeb Stuart is usually regarded as the first wigger, dressing for battle as though he were a modern-day Cleveland pimp. Stuart shared in one classic ritual of African Americans — a pitifully short life — as his choice of clothing told the enemy exactly whom to shoot at.

Former U.S. House speaker John Boehner wanted to be a black person and visited the tanning salon every morning. Tragically, adding to the unfortunate genes that had rendered him white since birth, other of his genes meant that the salon could do no better than rendering him orange.

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Elizabeth Warren

Heap Big Chief Elizabeth Warren is one of the rare Cherokee Indians who never wears war paint nor communicates with the Tribe.

Wigger culture took a giant step somewhere in 2015, as Rachel Dolezal, head of the Spokane, Washington chapter of the NAACP and a prominent activist for black rights, admitted that both her parents were white people, and the photo of her "father" on her desk was just "some guy" with whom she identified.

Related phenomenaEdit

Uyghurs are not wiggers who practice self-loathing based on the color they wish their skin was. Rather, they are Muslim Chinese who mostly live in Xinjiang, who get all the loathing they need from the ever-loathin' Chinese Communist government, whose skin is essentially the same color. Uyghurs practice Falun Gong and belong to the Talking Tong. Famous Uyghurs include Joe Jitsu, who emigrated to The West.

Americans from Professor Ward Connerly to Senator Elizabeth Warren could be wiggers, except that they claim to be not African American but American Indian, "self-selecting" their race just as Ms. Dolezal did. Self-selection is the same technique used in Houston and San Francisco to determine which restroom one should use, and is more common than ever in mandated programs of job set-asides to prove that America is not racist.

See alsoEdit