Wife 1.0

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Wife1.0

RRP: $99.95. + half of everything you own.

This page is here to assist you with your troubleshooting of Wife 1.0, particularly for you cheap bastards who downloaded a copy and are complaining, "I cant use it, I didn't get an instruction manual with my illegally downloaded version". So for you people whining about it, here is your manual and information guide to Wife 1.0.

edit Wife 1.0

You may have found yourself having issues with your upgrade from GirldFriend6.0 to Wife 1.0, and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources available for other applications. We are aware you may have noticed that Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed us that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity by running constantly in the background. You're finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). During installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features you can look forward to in the upcoming Wife 2.0.
1. a "Don't remind me again" button
2. a Minimize button
3. An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 be installed with the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of cache and other system resources
4. An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the system's hardware probe feature to be much more useful.
5. Ability to delete the "headache.ffs" file


You may find yourself avoiding the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 7.0. But even here, you may still find many problems. You cannot install Girlfriend 7.0 on top of Girlfriend 6.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 6.0 first. Many users say this is a long standing bug that you should have known about. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend 1.0 have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for Girlfriend 6.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another thing -- all versions of Girlfriend 1.0 continually pop-up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.

edit Bug Warning

Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

Bug work-arounds: To avoid this bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as Laplink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0. Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.1 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the UseNet.

edit Tech Support Suggestions

These are very common problems men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities & Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is indeed an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything.

It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 6.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 6.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 6.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some trying to install Girlfriend 7.0 or Wife 2.0 will end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings - Alimony/Child support". We recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and deal with the situation.

We suggest installing background application program C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0, You might also want to read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of C:\YES DEAR because ultimately you may have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high-maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. We recommend Flowers 3.1 and Diamonds 2K. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

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