Why? talk:Invade the Falklands

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At the moment, this doesn't really feel like a Why? - it reads more like a history piece on the islands. What I would suggest first is to rework the article into a series of motivations for invading the Falklands. We can use all the same jokes that are here, like where you talk about leaving a sign while we went to get a cup of tea; this could be reworked into a section where we say "reason 1, the Falklands is ours, we only left to get a cup of tea etc, etc". Maybe we could even write it from the perspective of an 80s politician trying to convince people the war is a good idea. What do you think? --Black Flamingo 21:09, March 5, 2011 (UTC)

You know, I didn't even see this until today, so sorry I took so long.
Anyways, I do agree with you. I had the history section just to act as the background for the story, plus, that stuff about leaving plaques is true so I really wanted to include that for the irony value. Though, I think that's a good idea, we can just work it into section 1.
So are you saying we should write it out as though the Argentinians have already invaded and we're tyring to rally England to take it back? If so, I was thinking we could break sections up to use dialogue from different characters with their own opinions, like a British general with a large moustache, Margret Thatcher, A British member of parliment, maybe even opinions from Argentinians? --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 23:26, March 10, 2011 (UTC)
Also, I may have gotten ahead of myself a bit, so I'm going to stop at reason 3 before I cause any more damage... --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   Georgia-flag-on-soccer-ball-vector 03:02, March 11, 2011 (UTC)
Humour: 8.5 First of all, happy to meet you Oliphaunte! I've been on here for almost 3 months and wrote some features, as if that gives me some credibility for producing an acceptable review! I'll do my best.

Upon a couple of reads, I feel I'm gonna have a hard time finding stuff to add in the humor department: that's the best article I came accross in like 7 or 8 reviews I've done, no joke. I don't think I've ever given an 8.5 in humor.

Please note that I leave some suggestions in my review, it is not an obligation to take them to the letter or to address them all, the goal here is to spark some ideas in your cortex.

Intro

Well it is a bit short, but I think it's good you don't say your opinion on the matter straight off the bat. Maybe add something like: "So you wanna invade the Falklands, eh? You miss the days when the Empire shined bright and wide, shedding blood all around the globe? Understandable." You know, just a lulzy sentence that will quickly introduce that invasion nonsense.

Background

I think you could add something funny as to what exactly the French we're doing in the 1st paragraph while they were not looking. (What? I don't know.) The whole calling thing feels awkward to me I feel it could be improved, like "Leave us a note", nobody has a pen so they try to write with blood... or they just don't get each other languages... or anything you can come up with.

Reason 1

Maybe add something else to the cup of tea thing? You already said it. Like, say " We left for a cup of tea but we were delayed by a cow strike to get our milk."

You talked about the plaque earlier, so it would be great to say the English people added something to prove they will come back, like those ridiculously tall black fur hats the British Army wears.


Also, at the end of the paragraph, there is a joke I feel goes to waste: "Argentinian monkeys as they flee from our trusty carriers right he-wait, where are they? Thomas you idiot..." I got the joke one hour later, when reviewing my Pee Review. "he- meant here." That could cause a lot of confusion to the reader. Just put "trusty carriers right here on my righ- HEY WAIT!? A great joke salvaged, now the reader will get it, since there are no prior indications you are near a boat.

Reason 2

Bwahahaha!!! This paragraph is gold! There is some minor ways I can think of to improve that masterpiece!

The rant is great! The escalation in it could be well served with the first bold sentence being just bold, not ALL CAPS. By the time you hit the VIRGIN PLUCKER place, it should be both ALL CAPS and bold. It's just proper etiquette. There are some souls here on the website that are more catholic than the pope who could be put off here, but I think they'd have no choice but to live with it since the article is so funny.


"What do you mean there are some officers who need to talk to me?..." How about putting that sentence in <smal></smal> (add the "l") so it is emphasized even more that the narrator is owned?


Reason 3

This section could definitely use another killer joke. Which one? I don't know! Remember, you're at the end of your article here, so you can be as ridiculous as you want! I particularly enjoyed the "Madagascar" repetition, very clever! I'll leave it to you to decide if the James Cameron joke belongs here, as I don't know who the guy is and I just don't find it funny. Maybe it is funny to people who know him? I'll leave you weighing the pros and the cons. The titles for the sections are great, I couldn't help to think to myself: Because Stone Cold said so!

Concept: 8 That's a great concept, you hit the mark there, and you are really sticking to it all along, at notime did I sense the article drifting weirdly. It's also easy to understand for someone who wouldn't know anything about the Falklands. Good job! Correct me if I am wrong, but there was a ridiculously costly war over this place, even though the Falkland are indistinguishable on a World map, isn't it? 0.0
Prose and formatting: 7.5 I corrected some typos, I am not too sure about all of them, so double-check that. I am a French-Canadian you know, so my English grammar is limited. I also changed some minor words that sounded awkward to me, feel free to revert my audacity.

You have in general a very very nice prose throughout the article, I like it a lot. However, you mention "British" so often that it becomes very tiresome. Try synonyms or "they" instead of "the British". That is what prevented me from giving you an 8.5 here. If you take just one of my suggestions, make it this one. It will improve the article A LOT.

Background

You say "It contains" at the begining. Maybe "It is comprised of" would sound better? You also say for the second time "name-calling" here, you could replace that with "nomenclature", it would sound good. Also, at the end of the section, "Britain must now decided" sounds awful, I guess you meant something like: "Britain had to take the excruciatingly hard decision..." or such. Also, I don't know much about these islands, but wouldn't the capital be Stanley instead of Stanely?

Reason 1

Why 3 periods at the beginning of the 3rd paragraph? Also, leaving a space after 3 periods is a rule in French, it looks neat, I don't know about that rule in English though.

Reason 2

"Sheep" doesn't require an s on plural? I didn't know.

Reason 3

For the formatting thing, everything is good, but don't forget to put links or somebody will come and rape the place with a {dealink} template.

Images: 6.5 This is the weakest part of the article in my view, though the article is so well-written and funny that it may be overlooked if put on VFH. But that's the key place to improve. I admit it, it is a though topic to find lulzy pics, so it's hard for me to come with suggestions. Weakish one: A funny pic of a sheep with a caption like: This is what we are fighting for, Patriots! Who's with me!?

Image:

  1. Not funny. It could help somebody that doesn't know at all about the subject, but I am skeptical. Why would they need to know? The caption isn't funny either. If you want to keep this one, a much funnier caption would be needed.
  2. I thought it sucked at first, but given that this section is so awesome, it worked. I don't know if the pic is one of a politician that could spark more laughs for Brits, but I feel you could EASILY find a better one of a politician that looks enraged ( a no name one of course, don't take a pic of Obama lol) If the guy on the pic doesn't add anything for people that would know him, ( a minority of the readers, unless you want to make it an inside-Britain joke) this would be so easy to do better, keeping the same caption. (Just Googling "enraged politician" or something)
  3. The picture in itself supports the text, but it is another case of a Brit inside joke, as I don't know who the hell the guy mentionned is, and that doesn't bring anything funny at all to a great article. I won't lie to you, for an outsider who fail to know who Oliver something is, this is useless. Sorry. It might be useful with a good caption, I just don't understand why your text is so strong and the captions are so weak.
Miscellaneous: 8.234745 Averaged your score using a complex algebra formula.
Final Score: 38.734745 I hope that helps, it is a really good article in my view, I really hope pointing out the points I think can be improved will give you a boost to well, improve it. If you have questions or just want to talk about the weather, come to my Talk Page! Also, tell me when you're through with the changes, I may help further and the I'll nom it for VFH if you don't. I would even nom it for VFH right now, even if it has 2 big shortcomings: the damn "British" repetitions and the pics, or at least their captions. I hope it was thorough enough, you're the first one I said I would nom it even if changes were not made. It really is awesome! Cheers!
Reviewer: Snowflake mini Mattsnow 21:33, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
Snowflake mini Mattsnow 05:30, July 6, 2011 (UTC)
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