||A good consistent article. Just has a few problems though:
- You were right to use HIDE! to end every couple of lines or so. Very funny. What wasn't funny was the disparity and inconsistant use of jokes through out the article. I know, I just contradicted myself, I usually put that line down before I have even fully read the article, but it needs to have the sense of urgency through out the article.
- You wrote it in a very nice Why? fashion with explanations and the history, only this isn't just a Why? its a "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND HIDE!!!" kind of article.
- Make the beginning more urgent. Make it seem that the writer is being searched for by the FBI, CIA, NSA, NRA, UCLA, NBA, IRS, UPS...etc. More like: "OMFG!!! HIDE!!! They're coming!!!"
- Make the ending really urgent like: "Holy mother of god, they sent out the bloodhounds..."
|Prose and formatting:
||I want to see lots of yelling and shhhhhhh going on, not so much the history of hiders, and where to hide. Those are good, but it doesn't go well with the mood that I would like to see.
||Ok images, get some other ones that are not clipart quality, more realistic ones are much better looking.
||Good concept, needs to be more urgent.
||-- Sir Unknown User (Talk : Cont : VFH : PEE : CUN) 20:11, 30 December 2007 (UTC)