Why? talk:Does Christopher Meloni not have an emmy yet?

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'''THIS is a proper review, Fenwick. Yer welcome.'''
 
'''THIS is a proper review, Fenwick. Yer welcome.'''
 
|Signature={{User:Cajek/sig}} 00:34, 10 November 2007 (UTC)
 
|Signature={{User:Cajek/sig}} 00:34, 10 November 2007 (UTC)
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}}
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== More Piss ==
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===[[Why?:Does Christopher Meloni not have an emmy yet?]]===
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This is my 2 1/2 time entering this into Pee Review please tell me what you think and give as many suggestions as possible please.--[[User:Dr. Fenwick|Dr. Fenwick]] 20:52, 27 November 2007 (UTC)
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{{Pee Review Table
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|Hscore=7.25
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|Hcomment=average of all sections
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*intro:7
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:a solid beginning, clearly expressing the idea of the article. the link to the arizona cadrinals is slightly weird/random.
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*the phenomenon:6
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:not much in the way of laughs, but another solid section stating the facts. the part about singing opera is good.
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*conspiracy theories:9
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:this is your strongest section. the link to seacrest is pretty good, i love the indirect links like that. since DUI is a redlink, maybe you could make that one link to billy joel or paula abdul. the kiefer sutherland/sheep bit is good, it seems you're read [[HTBFANJS]] well enough. i also really liked the part where merloni does the investigative work himself. the oz part kind of drags, i think some sort of reference to a run-down oz from the wizard of oz might work there.
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*merloni's reaction:5
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:the did you know blurb is good, but the rest of this section wanders. the green tea bit could be good with some tweaking. the images should be moved, see the images section of this review. overall this section feels rushed; take some time and make it fit with the rest of the article.
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|Cscore=9
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|Ccomment=i really liked the concept, and i don't even watch law & order.
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|Pscore=6
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|Pcomment=it seems you overuse 'Christopher Merloni'. try going with 'Merloni' or just 'he' a few times, to make it flow. the 'i know what you did last summer' movie should have all of its words capitalized. maybe more of an encyclopedic tone would work better, rather than saying things like 'us here at uncyclopedia'. this is particularly true in the last section. there are grammatical, spelling, and formatting mistakes here and there, see final comments.
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|Iscore=8.34
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|Icomment=average of all images
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*conspiracy template (no score)
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:templates at the beginning of articles are generally frowned upon, but it's more of a personal opinion. if you want to keep it it's fine; it doesn't hurt.
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*merloni being awesome:10
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:nice. not a funny image by itself, but the caption makes it sync with the page perfectly. well done.
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*hitting seinfeld:7
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:pretty good. there are issues (his head & hands are way different colors, and it seems to be in a living room rather than an award show), but for a chopped image it still works nicely and is funny, which is what counts.
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*mariska:8
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:nice, another simple image made funny with a caption.
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i recommend moving the mariska image up to the conspiracy theories part, and the seinfeld one down to the reaction part, since that is the point in the article where he actually abuses seinfeld.
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|Mscore=10
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|Mcomment=since i thoroughly enjoyed this article, after expecting to not like it at all before i read it, i award you the maximum number of miscellany points. congratulations.
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|Fcomment=you've got a good article here, and i see it's on VFH with 11 votes as of this writing. i'd be tempted to vote for, provided some of the suggestions i have suggested are followed (i like to think i'm helpful like that). i would myself fix up things like grammar and spelling for you, but i am very hesitant to edit in any way an article that is on VFH. if you'd like, i could help you out with getting this one featured. i could do a grammar/spelling edit, and then a general edit with some changes that you could revert at your leisure. if you don't mind my editing/meddling, you can let me know on [[User_talk:Gerrycheevers|my talk page]], and i'll comply as promptly as possible. keep up the good work, and good luck on a highlight.
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|Signature=--{{User:Gerrycheevers/sig}} 23:36, 7 December 2007 (UTC)
 
}}
 
}}

Latest revision as of 00:18, December 9, 2007

Humour: 6 Very good foundation, but some work is needed. The general idea is not really being carried out. How about some clues about some dark power play in the backyard of the academy? Perhaps some nasty issues from the Oz period coming back to haunt him? Perhaps a simple testosteron issues with Tony Soprano? Try to mix the actor with his portrayed character and other tv characters.
Concept: 10 Excellent!
Prose and formatting: 7 The text is a bit blocky, and the part that you try to write like you were Meloni doesn't really comes out good.
Images: 7 Perhaps some specifically tailored pictures to do something with the conspiracy?
Miscellaneous: 8 What I really missed was some reference to his OZ period!
Final Score: 38 great idea, some spice is needed.
Reviewer: ~Jewriken.GIF 12:44, 30 October 2007 (UTC)


Humour: 7 Adequate humor
Concept: 6 I'm not sure who Christopher Meloni is. Nearly adequate concept.
Prose and formatting: 5 Actually, inadequate formatting. It's just a big block of text.
Images: 7 Adequate pics.
Miscellaneous: 6.3 avg'd
Final Score: 31.3 There ya go.
Reviewer:   Le Cejak <-> 23:55, 9 November 2007 (UTC)


edit Why?:Does Christopher Meloni not have an emmy yet?

2nd submission after proofread stillt hink it needs oen mroe image but unsure on what to do maybe a photoshopped picture of him beating up Jerry Seinfeld or soemthign not sure working on it, but ehre it is.--Dr. Fenwick 18:52, 8 November 2007 (UTC)

Okay, you gave me a short review, I give you a short review. --  Le Cejak <-> 23:51, 9 November 2007 (UTC)

Not very helpful is it?

Okay, let me review this for reals... Hopefully you'll learn how to review articles, Fen.   Le Cejak <-> 00:12, 10 November 2007 (UTC)

Humour: 5.5 avg of each section
  • Intro (6)

The intro is simply an explanation with a few attempts at jokery. I would say don't get fancy, just explain. Add wry humor, not random humor.

  • The Phenomenon (7)

That was interesting and had humor. Adequate, I would say.

  • Conspiracy Theories (5)

Oh, that went on way too long. You should choose your favorite paragraph and use it instead of all this other stuff. I admit, you're doing okay when it comes to staying away from randomness, but you can't just go on and on about the Sopranos. That stuff about I know what you did... went on far too long, also.

  • Meloni's Reaction (4)

That was a fairly poor ending. I can see why you would add all these random people and place them at an awards ceremony, but it's not funny, interesting, or sensical.

Concept: 6 I'm not sure who Christopher Meloni is, and you never really introduce him to us. He is a mystery man in my eyes who was in one movie.
Prose and formatting: 6 It's almost adequate, however the page is still ugly. It's just one big chunk of text. However, I didn't see any grammar/spelling errors so...
Literecy-cat
Images: 7 The two pictures are adequate.
Miscellaneous: 6.1 avg'd
Final Score: 30.6 It's okay, and would definitely survive VFD. You should probably delete the parts that don't add anything, like the references to the Sopranos and so forth. Put that second pic more in the middle of the article.

THIS is a proper review, Fenwick. Yer welcome.

Reviewer:   Le Cejak <-> 00:34, 10 November 2007 (UTC)


edit More Piss

edit Why?:Does Christopher Meloni not have an emmy yet?

This is my 2 1/2 time entering this into Pee Review please tell me what you think and give as many suggestions as possible please.--Dr. Fenwick 20:52, 27 November 2007 (UTC)

Humour: 7.25 average of all sections
  • intro:7
a solid beginning, clearly expressing the idea of the article. the link to the arizona cadrinals is slightly weird/random.
  • the phenomenon:6
not much in the way of laughs, but another solid section stating the facts. the part about singing opera is good.
  • conspiracy theories:9
this is your strongest section. the link to seacrest is pretty good, i love the indirect links like that. since DUI is a redlink, maybe you could make that one link to billy joel or paula abdul. the kiefer sutherland/sheep bit is good, it seems you're read HTBFANJS well enough. i also really liked the part where merloni does the investigative work himself. the oz part kind of drags, i think some sort of reference to a run-down oz from the wizard of oz might work there.
  • merloni's reaction:5
the did you know blurb is good, but the rest of this section wanders. the green tea bit could be good with some tweaking. the images should be moved, see the images section of this review. overall this section feels rushed; take some time and make it fit with the rest of the article.
Concept: 9 i really liked the concept, and i don't even watch law & order.
Prose and formatting: 6 it seems you overuse 'Christopher Merloni'. try going with 'Merloni' or just 'he' a few times, to make it flow. the 'i know what you did last summer' movie should have all of its words capitalized. maybe more of an encyclopedic tone would work better, rather than saying things like 'us here at uncyclopedia'. this is particularly true in the last section. there are grammatical, spelling, and formatting mistakes here and there, see final comments.
Images: 8.34 average of all images
  • conspiracy template (no score)
templates at the beginning of articles are generally frowned upon, but it's more of a personal opinion. if you want to keep it it's fine; it doesn't hurt.
  • merloni being awesome:10
nice. not a funny image by itself, but the caption makes it sync with the page perfectly. well done.
  • hitting seinfeld:7
pretty good. there are issues (his head & hands are way different colors, and it seems to be in a living room rather than an award show), but for a chopped image it still works nicely and is funny, which is what counts.
  • mariska:8
nice, another simple image made funny with a caption.

i recommend moving the mariska image up to the conspiracy theories part, and the seinfeld one down to the reaction part, since that is the point in the article where he actually abuses seinfeld.

Miscellaneous: 10 since i thoroughly enjoyed this article, after expecting to not like it at all before i read it, i award you the maximum number of miscellany points. congratulations.
Final Score: 40.59 you've got a good article here, and i see it's on VFH with 11 votes as of this writing. i'd be tempted to vote for, provided some of the suggestions i have suggested are followed (i like to think i'm helpful like that). i would myself fix up things like grammar and spelling for you, but i am very hesitant to edit in any way an article that is on VFH. if you'd like, i could help you out with getting this one featured. i could do a grammar/spelling edit, and then a general edit with some changes that you could revert at your leisure. if you don't mind my editing/meddling, you can let me know on my talk page, and i'll comply as promptly as possible. keep up the good work, and good luck on a highlight.
Reviewer: --SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 23:36, 7 December 2007 (UTC)
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