Why?:Will none of the other children play with you?

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 04:58, July 20, 2011 by MadMax (talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search
Why Why? 
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's Why? series. See more Why's?
Fat kid r
Oh, Billy. I don't know how all the other parents restrained themselves around your stunning good looks.

Oh, Billy. From the moment you were born, I've always know you were such a special little boy. From the first time you blinked up at me with those adorable blue eyes, to the first time you gave me a proper hug. I've always felt such a bond with you. From the second you entered this world, I've always known just how special you are. You're mummy's little superhero, Billy dear.

Do you think the other children's parents feel such a special bond with them, Billy? Do you think that the other children are just as precious to their darling mummies and daddies as you are? No, Billy. It's a sad thing, very sad. It's a tragic world out there, Billy, but some people are just deprived of fun times with their parents, like the times we have. And do you think they envy you for that, Billy? Oh, yes. Yes they do.

edit Your Many Talents

Even on your very first day at nursery, your good looks caused a stir. I remember all too well the look of admiration on the face of the woman at the front desk, as she glibly informed me that you were just too special to attend her establishment. And we know what that means, don't we, Billy? You're a 'cut above' all the other children. From the day you were born, you were set apart. Always believe that, my little trooper.

Of course, you didn't want to go to nursery anyway, did you? No. No you didn't. You always agreed with me. So we spent a lot of time working on your skills, didn't we? I remember all the fun hours we spent, developing your talents so that you could be even better than all the other children. It's only natural that you want to tell them about everything you know. At length. Honestly, Billy, don't listen to those uncultured philistines. One day, you'll have a wonderful, well-paid job, befitting for someone of your intelligence, while those little monkeys are just doing something inconsequential and useless.

edit Your Distinguished Sporting Career

Mcdonalds kid fat
My darling Billy kept to a very strict training regime to make sure he did the best he could at all his sporting activities.

But if there was one thing Mummy's little angel really excelled at, it was sport, wasn't it, sweetie? Whether you were wrestling with the pros, pounding down the track, or perfecting your jumping techniques, my little Billy has always been a sporting hero. Why, do you not remember the time in junior school where you tried out for the basketball team, but it was just blatently obvious that it would be unfair to let you in, because of all your special talents? We have to give the other children on the team a turn, too, my precious. I know it seems very silly indeed that such amateurs should get your time, but you have to remember that not everyone is as talented as you, and they need time to develop their skills too.

edit Friendships And Relationships

It's not hard to see how such a skilled little boy would make friends very quickly when he went to school. And you did, didn't you, darling? You told me lots of nice stories about your little companions... from Mr Wiggly The Worm to Mr Hard The Rock, you always seemed to be having fun with someone. They had very funny nicknames, but I ignored that; boys will be boys, after all! You even used to play out with them, for hours on end. It was such a coincidence that they all had voices very much like yours, but I ignored that too. I was so glad that my delightful little blessing had found somebody who was worthy of his company. And I even taught him that, didn't I, honey? You learnt that you were just inherently better than everyone else, especially those strange people who lived down the road.

Ahh, Billy. I'm so glad that I used your childhood to teach you correct moral values.

edit Where Did It All Go Wrong?

But over time, it all seemed to drift apart somehow. One day you were the centre of attention, the next my little snuggles-poo had stopped associating with even the most acceptable of the scum that surrounded him. Whether it was your budding good looks, intellectual supremacy or the attractive reddish hue your eyes developed on occasion, suddenly everyone around you had just... moved on, to smaller and worse things.

But it's alright, my darling. It'll all be just fine. Because Mummy still loves you. And Jesus still loves you. You understand that, petal, don't you? Whatever happens, whoever else doesn't recognise your evident genius, you will always have Mummy. Always here. Always here to keep you happy, feed you milkshakes, and drive you to your therapist... I'm here for you, darling. Always. When the world is cruel to you, just come and find me, and I'll make it better.

You'd like that, wouldn't you, angel?

Oh and darling, tomorrow you can live in the dumpster in the next town over!

Why Featured Why? Article Featured on the 20th of November 2010
  This Why? has been featured on the Why? namespace.   Why?   Because it's good, that's Why?  
Personal tools
projects