“I understand both Rocket science AND Brain surgery, they are both really very simple”
“What do rocket scientists and brain surgeons say when something isn't difficult? "It isn't talking to women?"”
- Special Guest Article: Today's guest writer is Nobel Prize Winning neurosurgeon, Dr. Phillip Birkenhead.
| Why? |
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's Why? series. See more Why's?
The human brain is the most powerful computer in the world. Though it weighs only a kilo, it has over eleventy million cells. If all the neural pathways in your brain were laid end to end, they would reach all the way to Mars. You know what that means? Your brain could reach Mars years before the rocket scientists do.
How can this be? You ask. Well, perhaps the reason I know the answer to this and you don't is that I am smarter than you. If my neural connections were laid end to end, they'd go way past Mars. They'd probably reach Jupiter. But not all the time, because the orbit of Jupiter is elliptical not circular. I bet rocket scientists don't know that. They don't know much really, and that's because they don't have to. You see, contrary to popular belief, rocket science is shit easy.
As a brilliant neurosurgeon, I have to know quite a lot about the human brain - how much it weighs, for example, and how far the neurons might stretch. Rocket scientists have one thing to remember, and that's that equal opposite reaction deally. Easy! My four year old made a balloon rocket based on this principle. That's right, my infant daughter can do rocket science! Four years old and female, and she shows up those NASA dipshits!
But ah, you say; we know she can do rocket science like the best of them, but can she do brain surgery? Hah! Let me tell you, she's tried and her survival rate is laughable - a mere 25%! Qualified, clever brain surgeons can slice up a human brain with a 35% survival rate! Truly, we are gods amongst men!
Rocket science was invented by the Nazis. Look it up; it's probably on Wikipedia or something. It was certainly in that History Channel documentary I saw. This documentary, entitled The V-2 Project showed no evidence that the Nazis were involved in brain surgery. None. The evidence simply does not exist to suggest that any thicky sauerkraut-guzzling, knee-slapping tuba-worshipping German - Nazi or otherwise - has the neuronal length to operate on the brain of any higher mammal!
Did you know that the first Sputnik satellite - made by the Russians by the way; and they're not much smarter than the krauts - was sent up on a rocket that reached a height of 200 km. 200 km. I can drive that far in less than a day! Even in bad traffic! Shows what rocket scientists are capable of - sod all!
Oooh, good one, rocket scientists! Killing seven people at once! Very clever! I mean how smart do you have to be to kill seven people simultaneously? The most people I've ever accidentally murdered at one time: one. Conclusion: brain surgeons are at least seven times smarter than rocket scientists. I bet if you laid a rocket scientist's neurons end to end, they wouldn't even reac halfway to Mars. I bet they wouldn't even reach the moon. Hell, they probably don't even reach Sputnik.
Given the obvious ease of rocket science, and the clearly much harderness of brain surgery, it should be clear even to those whose neurons only scrape the surface of Phobos that brain surgeons are much, much smarter than those stupid, foolish and none too bright dim-bulbs, the rocket scientists.
For a rebuttal to this article, read Why?:Brain Surgery ain't exactly Rocket Science
|Featured Why? Article|