Why?:Oh dear god, did you delete that article?

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Why Why? 
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's Why? series. See more Why's?
You what? You did WHAT?!?!?! [1]
Oh my god you did Not just delete that article, did you? Why? Well, I guess I'd better explain...

You're new here, aren't you?

Stupid guy

Yeah, that's you. But don't worry. We're here to help you.

Well, seeing as you're new here, I need to explain something. You may have heard of this strange and vauge concept called the rules. Now, being new, naive, and to be honest, not the brightest lightbulb in the second-hand 5-watt bulb store, thought that you should follow them. Fair enough, I can't fault you there. Unfortunately, you weren't aware of the unwritten rules. And those are way more important. So much more important that we keep as quiet about them as possible in case somebody learns them. And you broke rule 1: never mess with The Article.

The article was, in fact, the most important document in human history. It has existed since stone age times, where it existed only on cave walls. Some called it the bible, but now we know this to be false. Only it's transcription onto the internet has caused our recent worldwide peace and prosperity.

The article was the combination of written word's and images held reality intact. It was entrusted to us to hide as an obscure, unprotected article on a joke encyclopedia. great virtual gaurds were assigned to protect it at all times. Granted, a n00b like you broke through all the protection gaurding it, but it was well gaurded. And now there will be retribution. It may not fix the fabric of time, but your account will be banned for 2 whole WEEKS!! Haha! Sweet vengeance is ours!

So what's so important about this article anyway?

What's so important? Are you an idiot or something? Do you have any idea? Were you reading the last two articles of skim-reading while touching yourself? I think I know the answers to all these questions and more, but you have to understand something:

THAT ARTICLE WAS IMPORTANT!!

You have no idea how important that article was. Let's start this gradually.

  • It was more important that your to-do list.
  • Heck, I'm pretty sure it was more important than your life
  • To everyone except all males and some females within 200 miles of your house, it was more important than your mom.
  • It was definetley worth more than your family at any rate.
  • It was worth more than everything you could ever own, ever.

So, what was in this all-important article anyway?

The Article itself

(Yes, we finally got there). As you may have guessed, there are slight disrepancies in the rules.

  • Official rule 1 says the closer to the truth it is, the funnier it is.
  • Unofficial rule 36 says that The Article. Must always have random references to Al Gore, Grues, kitten huffing at all times. There must also be at least one paragraph on random, incoherent nonsense that would only be funny to a retarded 2-year-old with a weird sense of humour.

Surprisingly, this rule was here for a reason. You see, you got fired a couple of weeks ago. No, it wasn't for "editing" that page on hentai. We all knew about that weeks ago. Heck, I put it on facebook. You were only one cubicle away the whole time, so it's really only fair that I humiliated you.

Anyway, it turns out that if that article is deleted, it turns every boss in the world into a vindictive inhuman demon. That's why you were fired. To be honest, turns out he didn't like those "friendly meetings" in the bathroom. I guess that fact that you haven't done any work in 5 years probably didn't help.

Anyway, by now, I would have thought even you would have figured it out. Don't mess with The Article.

I guess that time as a mod didn't help.

Oh yeah, those mod lessons. I mean don't get me wrong, most mods are douchebags great people, but surely you didn't expect to be told by them. Remember, this was a secret society of geniuses of the greatest level. Anyway, these mods would have trained to do normal stuff like removing annoying and unessescary links, however, they would not have known that deleting that article copied from the evil conservapedia would have caused your car to crash directly into the president. Didn't you see it then? When you changed that article, you damaged time and frickin' space itself!!! But mister clever had to keep going from there, didn't he?

Flashback to Mod training

Hang on, you did do Mod training right? What? You didn't? Come on, didn't you know that you needed to do that? It was only in the frickin' contract!

Ok, here we go. You know that the admins rules? Even how to be one?? Or did you just beg your way to the top? OK, here we go. You probably heard that you were supposed to remove stuff like porn and spam. However, it is ironic that the history of our species cumulates as a page like that. You're supposed to know this. I sent you an e-mail. Granted, you probably deleted it like the rest of the interesting facts I send you, but it was important. Even the most worthless thing in the world was there. Granted, it was probably the n in pEnIs, but that doesn't matter. The fact is that you messed with history. Admitedly, history repeats itself. (Al gore is a weiner. Repeat OVER 9000 times. The entire history of China is recorded in that single spam.) Now, do you realise what you have done?

What do you mean, no?

Visitor ad

Repeating myself is getting nowhere, is it? Let's try something else... Let's go toe the page. Just click one of my favourites. NO NOT THAT ONE!! *Ahem* I mean, erm, it's the other one. See that bit that reads AAAAA!! grue chuck norris pwned porn kitten huffing oscar wilde? Well, let's delete that bit and see what happens. <deleted> Hear the screaming in the streets? See the ubergrue break down the door... What? A Fucking UBERGRUE?!?! Ok, that must be a new record, even for you let's discuss this in a safe place.

later...

Ok, here it's probably best that you start explaining this from the start.[2] So, you became a mod,and began deleting this article, bit by bit, with every disaster that befell you not putting you off in the slightest? For instance, when you first went to that page, and deleted parts of it, bad stuff happened.

Footnotes

  1. At this point sh*t yourself and/or run away. VERY FAST. He/she/it/god/jesus/chuck norris, might summon an ubergrue!
  2. At this point the reader sighs with relief at the fact that the idiot writing this is FINALLY getting their fucking story straight
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