Why?:Not rob a bank?
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This article is part of Uncyclopedia's Why? series. See more Why's?
Why not do it? You've got nothing to live for, just a mortgage and a failing marriage. You're already $50,000 in the hole, you could use the cash. Look, the way I see it, you've got two choices: live a little, go out on top pistol-whipping a copper while getting sprayed by a fully automatic sub-machine gun, or, go out like a bitch, saving pennies, cutting out coupons, driving to work in your lame-ass minivan. You already feel like stabbing your boss as is, why not go all the way? Flip the fuck out and rob something already!
What are you, a pussy? Just tell your family you're going down to the store to get a pack of smokes, duck into the Savings and Loan, hide a water pistol in a towel, cover your face with a skimask and ask for the dough! It's that easy! Why not do it?
edit Why do it?
Also, it's an adrenaline rush. It's like mountain biking down a flaming hill, infested with rabid bears, with Nazis on motorcycles chasing you down, gunning for you! It's exhilarating. Anyway, it beats the hell out of pressing down on the gas in an attempt to beat the yellow light, which is your current idea of "living on the edge."
edit You'll get Caught?
So what if you get caught, that's 15 free years on taxpayer coin. You get the best of everything, a working TV, lots of action in the sack (you ain't getting none now, are you?), and a healthy dose of respect.
Now you might say you're scared of everyone in the pin. Nonsense. What you do is, the first day you're in, fashion a shiv out of a toothbrush and go after the biggest guy you see. Instant credibility. Trust me, doing just that was the best decision I ever made, got me where I am today!
Besides, what is this "Morality" that people always talk about? Its a pre-set code of laws that society expects you to follow. What has that bum done for you? If society was doing well, you wouldn't be thinking about robbing a bank, would you? Show that son-of-a-bitch who's boss!
edit Is this really a good idea?
Hell Yeah! Have you been reading this at all? Lets look at the possible outcomes: Free money and thrills to last a lifetime, or free room, board, cable, food, and sex for a few years (or forever if you killed someone!)! Whats not to like!?!
Well...I guess it's possible you might die. Well, in that case, become a radical Muslim, and bring a bomb with you. That way, in heaven, Allah will give you 72 virgins if you die! See! Even in death you win!
edit Why not do it
You tell me!