Why?:Jump over that ledge

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Party Hard! Come on, don't be so sad!!!

Hi. I'm so happy to have this opportunity to meet you. Great party, huh? Oh. What's wrong? You seem a bit sad. Why don't you tell me all about it? Wait; let me get some tissue.

Okay, pour your heart baby. I'm here for you.

edit My daddy beat me, and I'm suicidal.

Why Why? 
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's Why? series. See more Why's?

That's horrible! Do you want us to kill him for you? No? Well, I think you should take some of these pills.

Just trust me. They're called happy pills. Here, swallow them up. And here's you some water. Go ahead drink up every drop. That was Bacardi, wasn't it? Don't you feel better, now? I know you're thinking you're not, but your body loves it. Hey, is it just me or is it getting hot in this room?

How about we go up to the top floor? It's much cooler on the roof. Oh, watch your step there. I don't want you to hurt yourself. (Not yet anyway...)

What? You're scared? Of what! All this fresh air? Don't be afraid. And besides, aren't you tired of being beat by your meth-addicted step-dad?

All you gotta do is jump over that ledge.

edit What?!?

Don't be afraid. It could be worse. In fact, I'll jump too if you go first. I promise, that's not no lie. I promise I'll cross my fingers and hope that you die. You're too good for this world. Hurry up and jump. I'm sobering up, and I can feel how cold it is.

Your daddy raped you, too? Demonstrate on me what he made you do. Damn, that feels great. But, um, it's getting late. Also, when you jump, please try to not hit those steel gates. They are brand new, and I really don’t want to have to clean them or to have them be bent. Plus, it'll be so much easier for the medics to scoop you off the ground than to pull you off a steel-spiked fence.

Here, just climb up on to the edge. Come on now, just move your legs.


edit No! I can't!

Well, you could do it the easy way. You know, just load a gun and go to high school. But I think you should jump because nobody in the world likes you. That's the truth. It's easier than killing yourself with a brick. And look, I've done it twice already. Look I'm alive. It's perfectly safe.


All you have to do is think of a swan and dive.

edit *Gulp*

You're beginning to bore me, Tom Osborne. There are people waiting for me at the party. And you're scared to jump a little fucking thirteen stories? The fucking nerve of you!

I'm sorry, Tom Osborne!

No. It's too late. I hate you. Don't even bother, Tom Osborne!

My name is <insert name here>, though.

Bitch, what's the difference?!? I am sick of this small talk. You better get to jumping, or I'll start pushing something. And look over there! It's your boyfriend, and he's on the edge, too! You should go over and hug him. Go ahead and kiss him! Don't forget to feel his nice, sweet, and oh-so-firm ass.

Look! I'm not scared to stand up here! Come on and hold my hand up here!

edit Do I wanna die?

Bitch, quit thinking. Look! I'm dancing on the ED-AHHHHHHHHHH..


Oh shit! I'm not doing that!


On second thought, WEEEEEEE!


edit See also

Personal tools