| Why? |
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's Why? series. See more Why's?
So, after multiple thinkings about, you are ready to get your Italian butt out of the sun, and back on the chair. As you want to humor yourself and a very small portion of everyone else, you are ready to finally register on Nonciclopedia.
Ah Uncyclopedia... The amazing world of parody and humor that seems to be unbound. You have lived here for a long time, probably come along with some featured articles and whatnot. Yes, life has really given you a life-time supply of lemons to make lemonade with, and articles to make articade with. Well, you think that's all well and dandy, but does it have enough pizza?
edit Why even start?
Uncyclopedia sucks, as it claims on its own. But does it? For all we know, Nonciclopedia is a brand new undiscovered world just waiting around the corner. But should you leave Uncyclopedia for good? The answer would be Yes with a capital N. Nonciclopedia - Everything an Italian needs (does not cover health plan).
Italy is a gigantic country, with thousands of things to do and an amazing community. But that is Russia. Italy is exactly 15 cm to the left. Yes, the big designer's footwear thing. Featuring amazing untouchable places such as Vatican and Dublin, Italy leaves the room with a bang. Especially because it's a rock-solid metaphor-based door thingie.
Starting is good, so follow on to the next section, where we will discuss about first impressions of the site. There we will discuss about things related to the site, specifically the big picture, with very little details. Actually, very little of both. If you do not want to join Nonciclopedia, you are either not Italian, or Uncyclopedian (maybe, just maybe both).
edit First Impressions
Or should I say, imprezzihones (Heh heh). As you first come across the famous Main Page, you will probably notice many things, such as the logo, the god and the nuclear explosion, although the two latter are thumbnails. You will also notice Italian language. Do not panic! This site is called Nonciclopedia, so you should be safe. For now. For now...
Also, if you scroll down toward the bad place below, it's like the background (consisting of a pattern of red eyes) is coming down with you. Again, do not panic. This is just a few interested folk trying to examine what is going on. They will be back on their way to the pizzeria, shortly. You may be wondering how the have the ability to follow you. This is because they are eyes. Well, duh.
If you bother to take some time off, I might add that there is, indeed, such a thing as Italian humor. There is also Polish humor, and Russian humor. In conclusion: there is no humor. Humor, according to the Webster's Dictionary, is "a largely flowing fluid, found in jokes. Do not eat."
If you are of an earlier time, you might notice the note left on the fridge: WARNING: Uncyclopedia can cause premature aging. Take stock of Viagra. Do not panic! Aging means that you can crash cars earlier, and have legal sex earlier. However, not that it does not read "pregnancy" - A common side effect on every Uncyclopedia website (and single article). Through an Italian technique, Nonciclopedia has been able to keep this side effect under bay. For now...
edit Secondary Impressions
Besides the First Impressions, you may want to notice the fortune-telling bearded figure standing on the Horoscope box, left of the Help box. Do not panic. This is not a vision of God. This is a vision of Merlin. If you are having a vision of neither of these, it is probably just a vision of Dumbledore. A modern vision, called forth by excess drinking of Coca-Cola and Pop Rocks. If so, do not panic, and continue your quest for better humor.
In the manuals section, you can clearly see a nuclear explosion. Do not panic! This nuclear explosion has been made by another less-experienced Italyman, who failed to read this article. If you click the manuals link, you will be sent on a journey of self-discovery, or even self-destruct. As you may see, the top is an image of a poor IKEA user manual, which has failed to read the Guide Le Humorizons el Non-Ludacryesse, edition imago.
Under manuals, you will not find one that refers to an actual nuclear explosion. Do not panic! The image on the Main Page was not to illustrate. What you will find, however, is many, many articles that, in Uncyclopedia, belong to the HowTo namespace. What a waste of name, you might think. This group of articles also features many, many (5) articles related to the human body. These articles are mostly penis-related. Aah, those Italians! You'll never know what they'll do next.
edit Tertiary Impressions
As you can see, Nonciclopedia closely resembles Uncyclopedia. Do not barf! This is not real. All illusions have gone home.
Besides this, you have probably clicked Random Page to see what humor Italians really like. Yes, they do. You will note a large amount of sex jokes. Or maybe too large... Or just large enough. Rape, however, is out of the question for all times. Only penises and what they vibrate in are in question. You might also note the lack of condom-support. Do Panic! Italians don't know the meaning of "Durex". But neither do we! *inhaling gasp*
The community page is a page featuring a bear. You might be thinking "HOLY FUCK! A BEAR!" Do not panic! This bear is part of the community and is just going to hug you. Or not. Scrolling downwards, you can see the most active users. Do not panic! These users are probably just sexually active to get listed there. Therefor you are probably going to get there. Most visited pages include Vagina and Vagina, which are common, as this is Italy.
The community itself features retards and prostitutes. But this is Italy. Note their utter lack of pizza and pizza substitute. Regardless of this, the site is quite successful anyway. To communicate with a member of their community, one must learn English, Italian or Sextalk. Note their VFH. Just like ours, don't you think? No. This place includes special folders for For and Against votes that could confuse any American. Luckily, this is Italy, so Americans will die, as soon as they start reading.
Whereas coming over the site, one will notice that their imagery features the term Immagine: instead of Image: Donut panic! This simply shows that Italians are powerful and creative. These images possibly feature objects like rainbows, clouds, god, people, Oprah, monkeys, clowns and other whimsical objects. In this case, give the image a thumbs-up.
Notice that most of the Featured Images include porn and sexual references. Do not panic! It has to. Otherwise it cannot get featured.