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This article is part of Uncyclopedia's Why? series. See more Why's?
Yes. The battle of the sexes, the middle east crisis, the energy predicament, and whether or not did Jessica Simpson had multiple boob enlargements… all remain as eternal questions and undying struggles, left for humanity to resolve. Alas.
Yet one unquestionable truth emerges and shines its way through this dense darkness: Electrical engineers are much cooler than Mechanical engineers.
This comparison is limited only to electrical and mechanical engineers, because, well civil engineers are much too lame to consider; architects are not even engineers, and hence the name, and all other blooming engineering disciplines must burn, particularly ‘document engineers.’ On a scale from Lindsay Lohan to Robert De Niro, mechanical engineers score something around Paris Hilton. If you think that Paris Hilton is cool, then you’re probably a mechanical engineer.
There is ample scientific proof to support these findings, and the very first signs were discovered by Albert Einstein in 1905, after publishing his theory of relativity. Much of his work on this subject remained unpublished till this date, and although the reasons are unclear, it is said that his first wife was a sadist mechanical engineer. Einstein’s work was followed by MGMT in their hit ‘Electric Feel’ and many think that this song was going to be used to lead a revolution against all the chairs of mechanical engineering in the quest of world domination, and much was published later in the famous scientific journal “When lameness increases in the air, a mechanical engineer has just graduated”.
The awesomeness of electrical and lameness of mechanical engineers is documented, established, and scientifically and mathematically proven, and the details go beyond the scope of this article, but nevertheless, we mention some of these undisputable observations:
Electrical engineers are fond of logic. They tend to apply common sense and reason when approaching problems, and for example when their car is down, they would check if the car is low on gas, or if the battery’s dead, etc.. On the contrary, a mechanical engineer is in favor of using primitive techniques, that go back in time to the same date when mechanical engineering was created, and would hit, kick, shout at the car and would get the biggest pipe wrench available to intimidate it. And hence, mechanical engineers perform poorly in social events and are usually avoided due to their aggressive nature, while electrical engineers appear much classier and sophisticated and hence are always looked upon as awesome companions.
Due to their training, mechanical engineers are used to playing with grease. After years of college and workshops they tend to think that grease is actually a normal part of human hygiene and should be applicable on human skin all the time. Unfortunately, this is not cool. Due to their training as well, mechanical engineers are used to hand tools, and tend to keep them all around including lunch time.
The word mechanical comes from the Latin word mechantalous, meaning manual. The Greek themselves thought that doing things manually was lame, and hence the historic connection. In Greek mythology, Mekantalous was the god of the nerdy and lame, and Zeus couldn’t bear him anymore and fired him. The word electric is very modern and there is no Latin origin for it, as all other cool and awesome words.
Since 1500 B.C, electrical engineers showed interest in a very wide range of topics and a spectrum of issues. They were not only competent in their field, but also proved to be intellectuals of a higher standard. Mechanical engineers seem to be stuck in the years between 1930’s to 1970’s, rediscussing the invention of the engine and the gearbox. In a recent study, 98% of the mechanical engineers asked if they would prefer their sportscar over their wife, said yes.
Electrical engineers are party superstars. They are excellent dancers, and party hard even if there is no booze. They are so fun to be with and acquire a continuously rejuvenating sense of humor that everyone at the party wants to listen to.
Mechanical engineers are lousy drunkards with a bad sense of humor. Physiologically, a mechanical engineer can’t tolerate alcohol and basically can get drunk on Fanta. They like to drink in a 3” seamless welded pipe, and think that the Robot Dance is the coolest ever created dance move ever. The Irish people actually originate from a mechanical engineer that got kicked out of a party, because he was very drunk and playing lame jokes, and sent on a ship that happened to harbor at Ireland.
These are only few scientific examples on how electrical engineers are much cooler their mechanical peers, and do trust that these findings serve to help in having a mechanical-engineer-free world.
Oh, and by the way. Square root of -1... it's j.
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