Why?:Destroy the Rainforest

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(Linking to tapir now that we have an article about tapirs, an animal so ugly and hideous that many biologists deny its existence.)
 
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[[Image:Rainforest.jpg|thumb|right|500px|"Turn us into paper, please."]]
 
[[Image:Rainforest.jpg|thumb|right|500px|"Turn us into paper, please."]]
The '''rainforest''' is a large yet useless tract of land somewhere in [[South America]] or [[Africa]] or whatever (I forget what country) covered with [[tree]]s and [[monkey]]s and [[shit]]<ref>And monkey shit.</ref>. It is currently the world's largest source of [[wood]]<ref>Next to [[your mom]]! Just kidding. But not really. Your mom is a wood deposit.</ref>. Efforts to eliminate the dangerous trees which pollute the sky with their green arms reaching upward to [[heaven]] are continuous every day, with an estimated 10,000 square miles being cut yearly and justifying its '''destruction'''.
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The '''rainforest''' is a large yet useless tract of land somewhere in [[South America]] or [[Africa]] or whatever (I forget what country) covered with [[tree]]s and [[monkey]]s and [[shit]]<ref>And monkey shit.</ref>. It is currently the world's largest source of [[wood]]<ref>Next to [[your mom]]! Just kidding. But not really. Your mom is a wood deposit.</ref>. Efforts to eliminate the dangerous trees which pollute the sky with their green arms reaching upward to [[heaven]] are justifiably unrelenting and continuous every day, with an estimated 10,000 square miles being cut every second.
   
The rainforest is surprisingly lifeless. The rainforest averages about 0.75 people per square mile<ref>0.75 people is a really big midget.</ref>, making it one of the most barren habitats on Earth. This is mostly due to the rainforest's heavy [[animal]] population and extremely brutal climate, which experiences well over 150 cm. of [[rain|precipitation]] annually, officially making it Earth's biggest waste of space.
+
The rainforest is surprisingly lifeless. The rainforest averages about 0.75 people per square mile<ref>0.75 people is a really big midget.</ref>, making it one of the most barren habitats on Earth. This is mostly due to the rainforest's heavy [[animal]] population and extremely brutal climate, which experiences well over 12 litres of [[rain|precipitation]] every second, officially making it Earth's biggest waste of space.
   
 
==Flora and Fauna==
 
==Flora and Fauna==
 
{{Why?}}
 
{{Why?}}
The rainforest is home to over 2.5 million bugs and 2,000 species of birds and mammals which serve little or no purpose. The tapir, an animal so [[ugly]] and hideous that many biologists deny its existence, can only be found in the rainforest. Honestly, what benefit do you get from all of these animals<ref>Besides eating them.</ref>? [[Image:Toothpick.jpg|thumb|left|320px|A result of deforestation, or progress?<ref>Both actually.</ref>]]Toucans are better exploited on [[cereal]] commercials than they are in any [[stupid]] rainforest. Monkeys are better off in [[zoo]]s, and [[snake|anacondas]] are better off just not existing.
+
The rainforest is home to over 2.5 frooglepoopillion bugs and 2,000 species of birds and mammals, which serve little or no purpose. The [[tapir]], an animal so [[ugly]] and hideous that many biologists deny its existence, can only be found in the rainforest. Honestly, what benefit do you get from all of these animals<ref>Besides eating them.</ref>? [[Image:Toothpick.jpg|thumb|left|320px|A result of deforestation, or progress?<ref>Both actually.</ref>]]Toucans are better exploited on [[cereal]] commercials than they are in any [[stupid]] rainforest. Monkeys are better off in [[zoo]]s, and [[snake|anacondas]] are better off just not existing.
   
Let me ask you something: is the [[Monty Python|Norwegian blue]], a bird native exclusively to the rainforest, going to help you get a [[college]] degree? Is a black [[cat|panther]] going to [[money|pay]] your mortgage? And when's the last time a red-bellied piranha helped you build a [[dick|deck]] on your front patio<ref>Well if the piranha is [[Mexican]], you can pay it to do just about anything. But that's unlikely.</ref>? Face it: the animals of the rainforest are a waste of oxygen.
+
Let me ask you something: is the [[Monty Python|Norwegian blue]], a bird native exclusively to the rainforest, going to help you get a [[college]] degree? Is a black [[cat|panther]] going to [[money|pay]] your mortgage? And when's the last time a red-bellied piranha helped you build a [[dick|deck]] on your front patio?<ref>Well if the piranha is [[Mexican]], you can pay it to do just about anything. But that's unlikely.</ref>? Face it: the animals of the rainforest are a waste of oxygen.
   
Plantlife in the rainforest is even duller than the animal life. Here's a fact: more than two thirds of the world's plant species are found in the tropical rainforests. [[Sleep|Yawn]]. All they do is sit there, and they don't even grow in the form of fun shapes like Chia Pets. There's no point in conserving this many trees, considering rainforests now cover less than 6% of Earth's land surface. There is clearly an over abundance of trees in the world anyways. Trees are everywhere. It's getting to the point where [[you]] can't even go to a park without [[eyes|seeing]] a tree.
+
Plantlife in the rainforest is even duller than the animal life. Here's a fact: more than two thirds of the world's plant species are found in the tropical rainforests [[Sleep|Yawn]]. All they do is sit there, creating stupid oxygen, and they don't even grow in the form of fun shapes like Chia Pets. There's no point in conserving this many trees, considering rainforests now cover less than 6% of Earth's land surface. There is clearly an overabundance of trees in the world anyway.
   
[[Science|Scientists]] also estimate that more than half of all the world's plant and animal species live in tropical rainforests. Tropical rainforests, like the Amazon, also happen to produce 40% of Earth's [[air|oxygen]]. Wow. Sounds like a strenuous task. Making air? Get a [[job|day job]]. If anything, this is good enough reason to get rid of it.
+
[[Science|Scientists]] also estimate that more than half of all the world's plant and animal species live in tropical rainforests. Tropical rainforests, like the Amazon, also happen to produce 40% of Earth's [[air|oxygen]]. Wow. Sounds like a strenuous task. Making air? Get a [[job|day job]]. If anything, this is good enough reason to get rid of them. Bastards.
  +
  +
== Undeveloped areas ==
  +
  +
Despite all the incentives for destroying rainforest, there are still backward areas of the world that have failed to progress and develop their rainforest. A notable example of this is the temperate rainforest of Southeast [[Alaska]] around the city of [[Ketchikan]] where efforts to save the rainforest by cutting it down have been halted by so-called "[[hippie|environmentalists]]" whose only interest is their own sick twisted business interests (hemp growing, nature-communing, having [[sex]], etc.). With [[you|your]] help, this evil might be stopped and the beautiful rainforest of Southeast Alaska and rainforests everywhere might be put to their real purpose — creating disposable chopsticks and timber pulp that can be used to make [[love]]ly soft toilet paper. Without this substance, everyone in the [[world|WORLD]] would have a [[poop]]y [[butt]]. What's worse, a few trees getting cut down, or everyone ON [[Earth|EARTH]] walking around stinking of excrement? Get a grip.
   
 
== Deforestation ==
 
== Deforestation ==
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Below is a list of things that the rainforest would be better off for:
 
Below is a list of things that the rainforest would be better off for:
   
*[[Fire|Burning]]. The benefits of burning down the entire rainforest are broad. They can vary from just pure enjoyment to creating a smoke signal to contact possible extraterrestrial beings. More-so for entertainment.
+
*[[Fire|Burning]]. The benefits of burning down the entire rainforest are broad. They can vary from just pure enjoyment to creating a smoke signal to contact possible extraterrestrial beings.
*Constructing another [[Disney]] theme park. [[Violence]] and [[murder|homicide]] rates in [[Brazil]] are on the rise. Brazil needs a Disney theme park.
+
*Constructing another [[Disney]] theme park. [[Violence]] and [[murder|homicide]] rates in [[Brazil]] are on the rise. Brazil needs a Disney theme park. It could be called BrazilWorld, and feature a talking nut as a mascot. Although no one would know what a Brazil nut was, as they would be wiped out by the destruction of the rainforest.
*Tourist attraction. Think about it. If we cut down all the trees and leave nothing but the stumps, you have a huge field of stumps. These stumps can be turned into a tourist attraction. Think about it.<ref>I would pay to see that many stumps.</ref>
+
*Tourist attraction. Think about it. If we cut down all the trees and leave nothing but the stumps, you have a huge field of stumps. These stumps can be turned into a tourist attraction. Think about it.<ref>I would pay to see that many stumps.</ref> And stumps can be used as seats, so tourists could sit on one stump whilst looking at another stump. It could be called 'StumpLand,' and could be an even bigger draw that BrazilWorld (see above).
 
*The only good thing to come out of the rainforest (besides wood) is [[cocaine]], and the rainforest is full of it. So let's harvest it. Even if we were to destroy the entire rainforest, it wouldn't be that big of a loss. My neighbor, Greg, can make his own cocaine.
 
*The only good thing to come out of the rainforest (besides wood) is [[cocaine]], and the rainforest is full of it. So let's harvest it. Even if we were to destroy the entire rainforest, it wouldn't be that big of a loss. My neighbor, Greg, can make his own cocaine.
*Turn it into one really huge [[fuck]]ing parking garage.
+
*Turn it into one really huge [[fuck]]ing parking garage.<ref> for the Disney theme park.</ref>
 
*[[Oil]]. Five bucks says there's oil there.
 
*[[Oil]]. Five bucks says there's oil there.
  +
*Wait a thousand years and we can make a petrified forest
   
 
== Citations ==
 
== Citations ==
 
<references/>
 
<references/>
  +
 
==See also==
 
==See also==
 
*[[Really Big Tree]]
 
*[[Really Big Tree]]
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*[[ITree|iTree]]
 
*[[ITree|iTree]]
 
*[[Ugly Tree]]
 
*[[Ugly Tree]]
{{VFH}}
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*[[Why?:Reinvent the wheel]]
   
[[Category: Places]][[Category:Botany]][[Category:South America]][[Category:Environment]]
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{{FA|date=25 November 2007|revision=2592615}}
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{{Why?F|30th of April 2011}}
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[[Category:Botany]]
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[[Category:South America]]
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[[Category:Environment]]
 
[[Category:PLS Entry January 2007]]
 
[[Category:PLS Entry January 2007]]

Latest revision as of 17:10, December 18, 2012

“We destroy to rebuild and in the process we achieve perfection. Let's start with the Rainforest.”
~ Oscar Wilde

Rainforest
"Turn us into paper, please."

The rainforest is a large yet useless tract of land somewhere in South America or Africa or whatever (I forget what country) covered with trees and monkeys and shit[1]. It is currently the world's largest source of wood[2]. Efforts to eliminate the dangerous trees which pollute the sky with their green arms reaching upward to heaven are justifiably unrelenting and continuous every day, with an estimated 10,000 square miles being cut every second.

The rainforest is surprisingly lifeless. The rainforest averages about 0.75 people per square mile[3], making it one of the most barren habitats on Earth. This is mostly due to the rainforest's heavy animal population and extremely brutal climate, which experiences well over 12 litres of precipitation every second, officially making it Earth's biggest waste of space.

edit Flora and Fauna

Why Why? 
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's Why? series. See more Why's?
The rainforest is home to over 2.5 frooglepoopillion bugs and 2,000 species of birds and mammals, which serve little or no purpose. The tapir, an animal so ugly and hideous that many biologists deny its existence, can only be found in the rainforest. Honestly, what benefit do you get from all of these animals[4]?
Toothpick
A result of deforestation, or progress?[5]
Toucans are better exploited on cereal commercials than they are in any stupid rainforest. Monkeys are better off in zoos, and anacondas are better off just not existing.

Let me ask you something: is the Norwegian blue, a bird native exclusively to the rainforest, going to help you get a college degree? Is a black panther going to pay your mortgage? And when's the last time a red-bellied piranha helped you build a deck on your front patio?[6]? Face it: the animals of the rainforest are a waste of oxygen.

Plantlife in the rainforest is even duller than the animal life. Here's a fact: more than two thirds of the world's plant species are found in the tropical rainforests Yawn. All they do is sit there, creating stupid oxygen, and they don't even grow in the form of fun shapes like Chia Pets. There's no point in conserving this many trees, considering rainforests now cover less than 6% of Earth's land surface. There is clearly an overabundance of trees in the world anyway.

Scientists also estimate that more than half of all the world's plant and animal species live in tropical rainforests. Tropical rainforests, like the Amazon, also happen to produce 40% of Earth's oxygen. Wow. Sounds like a strenuous task. Making air? Get a day job. If anything, this is good enough reason to get rid of them. Bastards.

edit Undeveloped areas

Despite all the incentives for destroying rainforest, there are still backward areas of the world that have failed to progress and develop their rainforest. A notable example of this is the temperate rainforest of Southeast Alaska around the city of Ketchikan where efforts to save the rainforest by cutting it down have been halted by so-called "environmentalists" whose only interest is their own sick twisted business interests (hemp growing, nature-communing, having sex, etc.). With your help, this evil might be stopped and the beautiful rainforest of Southeast Alaska and rainforests everywhere might be put to their real purpose — creating disposable chopsticks and timber pulp that can be used to make lovely soft toilet paper. Without this substance, everyone in the WORLD would have a poopy butt. What's worse, a few trees getting cut down, or everyone ON EARTH walking around stinking of excrement? Get a grip.

edit Deforestation

Think of all of the wood that you enjoy in your day. Desks, baseball bats, toothpicks, Station Wagons, and even paper all come from trees. Man has clearly been blessed with a plethora of this natural, renewable source known as "wood". Who are we to reject this gift?

Below is a list of things that the rainforest would be better off for:

  • Burning. The benefits of burning down the entire rainforest are broad. They can vary from just pure enjoyment to creating a smoke signal to contact possible extraterrestrial beings.
  • Constructing another Disney theme park. Violence and homicide rates in Brazil are on the rise. Brazil needs a Disney theme park. It could be called BrazilWorld, and feature a talking nut as a mascot. Although no one would know what a Brazil nut was, as they would be wiped out by the destruction of the rainforest.
  • Tourist attraction. Think about it. If we cut down all the trees and leave nothing but the stumps, you have a huge field of stumps. These stumps can be turned into a tourist attraction. Think about it.[7] And stumps can be used as seats, so tourists could sit on one stump whilst looking at another stump. It could be called 'StumpLand,' and could be an even bigger draw that BrazilWorld (see above).
  • The only good thing to come out of the rainforest (besides wood) is cocaine, and the rainforest is full of it. So let's harvest it. Even if we were to destroy the entire rainforest, it wouldn't be that big of a loss. My neighbor, Greg, can make his own cocaine.
  • Turn it into one really huge fucking parking garage.[8]
  • Oil. Five bucks says there's oil there.
  • Wait a thousand years and we can make a petrified forest

edit Citations

  1. And monkey shit.
  2. Next to your mom! Just kidding. But not really. Your mom is a wood deposit.
  3. 0.75 people is a really big midget.
  4. Besides eating them.
  5. Both actually.
  6. Well if the piranha is Mexican, you can pay it to do just about anything. But that's unlikely.
  7. I would pay to see that many stumps.
  8. for the Disney theme park.

edit See also

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