OK, so you are a member and user of Encyclopedia Dramatica. You write articles for that wiki, you masturbate over the naked images, porn and hentai, and then you enjoyed it. Toilet humour and bodily functions are your lifeblood and a necessity, whilst all of your bookmarks link to shock sites such as Meatspin. And of course, you like to troll Scientologists and Justin Bieber fans.
But then Encyclopedia Dramatica is down. What, as member of Anonymous, would you do if the website that you are most dependent on, is shut down? Who will continue trolling Scientology and persecute their followers? How will you know more and tell the entire world about each individual member of 4chan, Encyclopedia Dramatica, deviantART, YouTube and so on? What can you do now that Encyclopedia Dramatica is effectively closed down forever and replaced with "Oh Internet", which does not have any hentai or trolling content inside at all? This handy guide can help you all.
| Why? |
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's Why? series. See more Why's?
Who and What are Encyclopedia Dramaticans? Edit
Encyclopedia Dramaticans (or EDians) are of a sub-species of Homo Sapiens, called by their scientific name Homo Sexualis. Encyclopedia Dramaticans exhibit a strange behaviour that sets them apart from other internet web users, let alone those who search for pornography. Scientists studied the behaviour on EDians discovered that they have a primal urge to masturbate to anything that moves, even if it risks being revealed in public. Most of them however shout quotes from Star Wars, such as "It's a trap!" after viewing pictures of transgender porn actresses whilst masturbating. EDians have a preference on masturbating over hentai, lolicon, gore and shock images. A test conducted on 1984 EDians discovered that after viewing an image of Goatse they view other shock websites and started masturbating over them, and one EDian was arrested for viewing lolicon. The main behavior exhibited on EDians is that they troll other people, and blackmail them on YouTube and Failbook, and also have burning hatred for Scientology and other groups who they seen as the enemy. Scientologists are predators of EDians, who attack their prey with cease and desist letters and blackmail. The collective term for EDians is an Anonymous of EDians. Certain attitudes EDians show include the belief that everything is serious business, views anyone who have a deviantART account as a "weeaboo" and use racist words repeated seven times, one for each colour of the rainbow. EDians need to be fed shock images to survive. Most EDians are either a 13 year old boy or a 16 year old girl, or neither.
Culture of Encyclopedia Dramaticans Edit
EDians also had tendencies to use private browsers that does not track the history of the sites you visited, including 4chan, so that their parents would not be able to see porn websites that they visited. The EDian species practised a religion called Imageboardism. The Imageboardists, as they are called, celebrate an initiation rite called The First Clicking of the Goatse. This rite is celebrated when a child is considered an adult by trolling a user successfully, and must look at the Goatse image. Imageboardists worship Goatse, Meatspin, Chuck Norris and "animu", images of anime characters. Imageboardist practises follow the Rules of the Internet, including the aforementioned, world-famous rule, called Rule 34. There is debate on the religion over what constitutes as being a rule of the internet, as more and more rules had been added. Traditional Imageboardist practises include writing articles about individual users who "failed" on deviantART, YouTube and Facebook, etc. EDians are part of the 4chan culture, and set up 4chan neighbourhoods in major cities.
Comments of Hardships faced by ED users Edit
Note: Names changed to protect privacy
“I was first introduced to Encyclopedia Dramatica by my friends during my college years. Over the time, they welcomed me and treated me as a friend. Then I went to 4chan, but even then, they are always down due to the Party Van. But when Encyclopedia Dramatica went through a massive war and obliterated my place. I am now homeless *sobs*. Please find me a new home”
“The ED army went against us. We wanted to express our freedom of speech through the use of shock. But they forced me to use SFW images, and provided me a home. But it's just not the same, so I left in the early hours so that the Oh Internet forces don't attack me and my kids. I found refuge at 4chan, and now I am a 4chan citizen. Yet it is sometimes attacked by other people. I want a better home.”
“Encyclopedia Dramatica was there when I was there since its founding in 2004. I lived there and thought that it will last forever, and I had made friends with 13 year old boys, murdered a pedophile and harassed Scientologists. Now the SFW Party forced me out, and us EDians built a home at Switzerland, but it does not feel the same.”
What to do if you are an Encyclopedia Dramatica user Edit
In these times, when Encyclopedia Dramatica is down (and possibly never to come back) withdrawal symptoms include anxiety, stress, a need to masturbate at anything, suicidal thoughts, and panic attacks. If you are an Encyclopedia Dramatica user, knowing that this website is your only heroin, and you are suffering such symptoms, there are other ways to control them. Becoming an hero is the safest and first option that you should do, as your anxiety can drive you to become one. If becoming an hero is not your cup of tea, then vandalising Wikipedia is the second option and usually the painless option. Vandalism of Wikipedia is best done on crack cocaine. If you are ever banned from Wikipedia permanently, and these bastards will not accept refugees like you, the best refuge is 4chan. Go there and talk, upload pictures, troll people, talk about anime to impress weeaboos and so forth. While you're at 4chan, Surf around the internet for anime pictures and hentai. 4chan not good enough for you? The Internet is truly for porn. Go to porn sites and start fapping now!
Never, ever stick around at "Oh Internet". It is the most boring option, and because it is a SFW website and there is no drugs that you can get stoned with, you don't get the fun of being fired by your boss for looking at porn. You can play "find the golden ae" by typing encyclopediadramatica.ch (its mirror site ). 420chan is also another place to get your fix of ED, but with actual stoners. Ask for drugs, but not too loudly.
Oh, so you do not want to give up an addiction to ED, you say? Go inject some heroin on yourself and vandalise Wikipedia with your toilet humor!
What to do if you are not an Encyclopedia Dramatica user Edit
If you are not an Encyclopedia Dramatica user, smoke some crack to celebrate, and:
OK now, get back to editing your articles on Wikipedia or whatever you guys are using these days.
Comparisons between ED and WikiLeaksEdit
There are sveral similarities and differences between ED and WikiLeaks. One is run by American rebels, while the other is run by an Australian rebel assisted by several other rebels. One is a place to troll Scientology, the other is a place to troll American diplomats, Europeans and most importantly, Iran. One is a repository for FBI and government material, and the other is nothing but a repository for porn, deviantART member profiles and camwhores. But both WikiLeaks and ED are serious business, and both are the heroin of the internet, with ED being the heroin for trolls and WikiLeaks the heroin for journalists and UnNews junkies. And finally, ED loves little girls. WikiLeaks doesn't, the founder is said to have raped one.
Alternative websites to seek refuge Edit
Oh, it appears that you cannot go to Encyclopedia Dramatica. But we have a good mirror site hosted in Switzerland, also home to the WikiLeaks site, for you people who are really desperate to go to Encyclopedia Dramatica. Also known as Encyclopedia Dramatica 2: Electric Boogaloo. Also a perfect refugee center, in case you are too addicted for 4chan. The WikiLeaks site is also situated in the same area for those willing to look at photos of Osama bin Laden's dead body that had just recently been leaked. 
"Oh Internet" not good enough for you? If you cannot find the mirror site, 4chan makes a very good Encyclopedia Dramatica Refugee Center. They welcome everyone, and while you're at it, they will process your details and dispatch you to your nearest Anonymous group in your area. Just be nice, or they will call the party van.
This website is not even funny, and everything is serious business. With over 2 million articles, and a further 8 million more, there is plenty of time to vandalise important pages such as Jimbo Wales dying of a heart attack and create nonsense pages likeAAAAAAAAA! before you receive your ban, all with the help of this guide. A famous vandal from ED is said to vandalise a page once.
A safe-for-work version of Encyclopedia Dramatica. It has a very good alternative lifestyle for you. Though everything else there is serious business, and you cannot write "RAPE" several times in rainbow colours. Oh, so you don't like this website that your admins had wokred on for years? You think this is a ripoff of Know Your Meme? You don't like SFW? GTFO! Now! Fuck off or I'll shoot your head off!
Of course, everyone is welcome in Uncyclopedia, even ED users.  Come in, we have crack, weed and other drugs you can fuck yourself with. We also have tits, now tits or GTFO!
Most of the former EDians arrived here, only to be locked up by admins. But you can help stop admins from locking up refugees and instead give the EDians
miserablehappy lives by calling 1-888-WHATEVA and together, we can rehabilitate EDians so that they learn the Uncyclopedian way of life.
Encyclopedia Dramatica Refugee Action Network
- ↑ Some scientists determined that this discovery is in fact, a fabrication of an earlier paper on the demographics of the Soviet Union, and that EDians are more than just either 13 year old boys or 16 year old girls.
- ↑ Dammit, they have one?
- ↑ And that includes stoners.
- ↑ We need to fix that though, and it will never will happen.
- ↑ And you will never find it, EVER!
- ↑ As if we become a refugee center for the ED users.