Apathy
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“...”
~ Terri Schiavo on apathy
“Why should I care?”
~ Oscar Wilde on apathy
“Because YOU SUCK that is why!”
~ 0chan on apathy
“Apathy is boring.”
~ Captain Obvious on apathy
| Apathy (file info) |
| An audio version of apathy for those who can't be bothered to read it. |
Apathy is okay I guess
Contents |
[edit] Introduction
Just figure it out yourself, or not. It doesn't matter.
[edit] Still Reading?
Are you still here? Haven't lost interest yet? Why not close the browser and stare at a wall or something?
I've got the cure for all known disease / I could make money grow on trees. But that's not what motivates me / I'm interested in - forget it, i'm tired. [1]
[edit] Politics
Apathy is a significant aspect of modern politics, and the regular production of apathy is one of the primary goals of most politicians. After all, if they don't care, they won't bother to vote against you.
This is the primary reason that most political processes take so much time: by the time they're able to produce something useful, most people don't want to be a part of them anymore. They stop caring, leaving the process to the power elite.
The process of apathification has taken its strongest hold in Australia (which defies definition by being simultaneously an island, a continent and a country), where the power of apathy has been harnessed effectively to power all the major cities. With the rejection of the Kyoto Protocol by the current Howard Government, the only western country other than the United States not signing this agreement, the Howard Government has launched a large scale apathetic campaign toward the general population. Apathetic power thus forms the basis of Howard's current energy and environmental policy. John Howard now pushes apathetic power as the solution to Global Warming having now abandoned his former promotion of Carbon Sequestration. The New South Wales state Labor government has followed suit and has publicised its plans to harness the unlimited supply of apathy to power the new desalination plant being built at Kurnell, NSW. Also, Howard touches little boys.
[edit] Definition
William Finn...not the composer, the other one
[edit] Entertainment
Apathy is produced in mass quantities by Nutri-Grain and, more predominantly, Zork. After several hours of trying to find a path through the game that doesn't end with being eaten by a grue, most players find their will to live significantly reduced. Other symptoms include uncontrollable bouts of nihilism.
[edit] Effects on modern societies and on the work and vocation of solicitors
8:{
[edit] Combatting Apathy
In recent years, activists have been working hard to fight the rising tide of apathy around the world. Thus far, the primary technique appears to be constant nagging, poking, and prodding. This generally does succeed in providing the recipient with some motivation, though it is often only the motivation to strike the activist hard, and this motivation subsequently vanishes once the act is complete.
Some researchers believe that highly-caffeinated coffee could be used to fight apathy, but its highly addictive nature, combined with recent reports of ultra-violence caused by drinking cheap instant coffee with artificial sweeteners, have made this choice impractical.
One proven, though temporary cure for apathy is the consumption of large amounts of hallucinogenic drugs. Though despite the fantastical nature of the 'high', the times afterwards when you cannot afford more of your chosen substance, or become addicted to the substance and have to go to rehab, generally make this option less desireable for most people. Of course, if you are not most people, then this is your best bet.
[edit] Testimonial
I was once sick and depressed, because I'd learned the emptiness of meaning to existence and the utter futility of all man's creation. Then I decided I didn't care. Now I'm much healthier and happier. I recommend apathy to anyone in search of nothing in particular.
Another testimonial I thought about writing about my struggle with apathy, but i really don't care.
