From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Whataburger is a controversial chain of brothels where in place of women, the employees are chicken strips. The chain was victimized in a suit raised in 2006 claiming that the company was unethical to chicken strips but Whataburger won because it was proven to the court that the chain is incredibly badass and delicious.
edit The Toast Addition of 2000 and other milestones
In the year 2000, Whataburger made a much debated decision to hire not just chicken strips, but also toast and gravy. This proved to be not a wise decision for them because many of the customers would rather eat the hot employees than what's on the menu (what IS on the menu is total crap.) So whataburger decided to (mumble mumble debate debate) fire the toast and gravy employees, hold them hostage, and sell them on the menu.
Consequently, people became addicted to this (partly because whataburger added ground up cocaine) and sells went soaring. This pleased whataburger... pleased it VERY much....
In the year 2003, Whataburger imposed a scandal on itself so it would get press. This failed to work because the scandal was so OBViously fake that the new rejected it. It involved a bed and chicken nuggetsm but I won't go into details.
There really haven't been any other milestones, except the employees growing more and more depressed intil they had to fire them all and hire **sigh** people.
In early 2008, Whataburger decided to add something called a "drive-thru window" to all of their locations. The purpose of these windows was to make sure you could see who was making your food, so you had the chance t reject it after seeing who touched it.
This was a bad decision: sales dropped tremendously. When the News found out what was happening, it was said to be highly unethical to the honest chicken strips of America, looking for work in anyplace possible. This was ended in late April, when the owner of Whataburger, Flava Flav, gave the Supreme Court a huge bitchslap across the face.
edit the Magic of Whataburger
Whataburger's only goal was to be more child-friendly than McDonalds... this failed on their lack of PlaySpaces, talking icons, and plastic food.
Now they are just revolving in empty space... depressed....
Cheer them up. Go buy something... THAT WAS NOT JUST WRITTEN BY A WHATABURGER EMPLOYEE IN AN ATTEMPT TO INCREASE SALES.
edit Who Do they Think They're Fooling
Whataburger offers up to $100 giftcards. Who do they think they're kidding? They don't even humor THEMSELVES.