Whaling

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 09:21, July 10, 2010 by Dexter111344 (talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search
UnNews Logo Potato
UnNews Senior Editors are currently inserting right-wing bias into this related article:


“Save the whales, collect the whole set!”
~ Whaler on Whaling

Whaling is the act of picking up fat chicks for use in sexual gratification. Generally occurring after 2AM, whaling is considered a last resort by most, though some have made it into a sport.

Recreational Whaling however is the killing of watery mammals (i.e. whales) as a extreme sport. Professional whalers such as Blubber Fett often describe the sport "relaxing".

The fun is hitting a whale in the sperm whale, it has one tale fin and is white. It reproduces by getting inside a big egg-like rock, and it is reborn.

edit Origins

Whaling was invented in 1962 by Jeb Bush after he broke his right hand while touring with the Beverley Sisters' Hill-Billies. He was unable to play the washboard with the band, so he began to play with himself instead. Unfortunately, he was forced to use his left hand. This resulted in a serious injury to his genitals due to lack of coordination (Jeb is right-handed). The resourceful Jeb then turned to the predominately fat female population of Crawford, Texas for assistance. Though his hand eventually healed and he was again able to masturbate and play the washboard without injury, he continued his practice of heavy drinking and intentionally fucking women who sometimes outweighed him by over 100 pounds.

edit A Guide to Whaling

Whaling is best undertaken in a seriously inebriated state. This serves several purposes. Alcohol is helpful in removing inhibitions and common sense, the two largest obstacles to whaling. The whaler is also much less likely to regurgitate his dinner during intercourse if his senses are sufficiently numbed. Finally, if enough alcohol is imbibed, all memory of the whaling incident may be permanently erased from the practitioner's memory.

The use of condoms is advised, though not necessary. Pizza and/or hamburgers are also optional, though highly recommended. It has been observed that, similar to deer hunting, most successful whaling attempts involve offerings of food to attract the target. In many cases, the whaler can simply sneak up behind the whale and wale her while she partakes of the food. Some whales are so focused on the food that they don't seem to notice the activity behind them.

Whaling should always be performed at night, as the act is much less likely to be observed by others than in broad daylight. Observation should be avoided at all costs. See moped riding.

Contrary to the allegations of some conservationists, the whale population is not in decline. Suitable specimens have been spotted in all social strata throughout the world, particularly in Texas.

edit Uncertainty

(see Whales on Mars for full details)

edit See Also

Personal tools
In other languages
projects