Werewolf

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 06:46, February 22, 2013 by Hamabear (talk | contribs)

Jump to: navigation, search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Jesus?
“Sit boy! Sit!”
~ A now deceased individual on werewolves
“Kitty!”
~ Boo from Monsters Inc on werewolves
“There, wolf.”
~ Igor
Bouncywikilogo10
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Werewolf.

In mythology, a werewolf is a human who becomes a wolf-like creature THAT CAN CHANGE AT WILL provided they are experienced.They are less popular than vampires because of their alledged higher intellect. The word "were" is from the greek word "like"so adding 'wolf' makes the phrase "like a wolf" and that is the origin of the word "werewolf". A photo of a genuine Werewolf![[1]]


== == == == == == == == == ==

The legend

In the 1st century, mankind had its first encounter with the modern "werewolf". A man and his brother were walking through the woods and a large wolf attacked them biting one, the younger one, and ignoring the other. The wolf took off in their opposite direction as the older brother tried to calm the younger one down and shooed the wolf. They sought shelter in a near by cave as it was getting dark. In the cave the older brother was looking for food, when he found a bat. He captured the bat and, as he was going for the kill, it bit him. This formed the two different groups of supernatural beings known as 'werewolves' and 'vampires'. They stayed in the cave a while, and they started to notice that they were changing- the vampire was becoming ill and his senses were getting stronger. His blood cells were dying and he would suffocate if he didnt have fresh blood to aid his breathing. The werewolf started getting bigger and hairier. It took more meat to satisfy his hunger, and since he was so hungry he ate the meat raw taking pounds of meat in one feeding. After they grew acoustemed to thier new selves, and felt they could control they're deadly outbursts, they returned to their village. The werewolf left his home to hunt, and he also left his beloved wife, assuming she would be safe. She was left with his brother, who hadn't fed in days. When the youngest returned he saw his older brother biting his wife. This enraged the werewolf, so he went on an accidental feeding frenzy and amoungst all the corpes lay some who still lived- his army of werewolves. The vampire was alarmed and in an attempt to save himself from his deadly brother he forged his own army. They started the wars that are still going on in 3rd world countries such as Mexico, Afghanistan, Iraq, and Cuba. Some famous werewolves include the incredible hulk and the thing. Famous vampires include Dracula and Lestat. Famous werewolves include Jean Grenier and Jacques Roulet.

Description

Werewolves usually just look like regular people, which makes it very difficult for one to find/kill them. only when in the presence of a a vampire or prey, do werewolves resort to their true form. Then they ravage about, killing and eating. If you happen to see an incredibly huge human-like wolf storming across your yard at night, do not throw something at it. Just try to find where your dad keeps the silver. Even a spork will work. Though avoid using your mother's prized silverware, since angry mothers are far more terrifying than any hybrid wolf-man.

Werewolves and Love

Werewolves are completely capable of love, but don't often show it. This is why they're depicted to be angry, ruthless killers but if you mess with a werewolf's girl you will get seriously messed up. Mating can be dangerous as 78% of the mates lose their humanity or their life.

Females

see main article: Wherewolf

the females are slightly smaller than the males. but they have a greater temper than the males do, and are twice as smart and twice as fun if you know what I mean.

Types

Werewookie

Shist02

This Werewolf just watched a wookie get shaved from the waist down.

Similar to a werewolf, but distinctly different for obvious reasons, the Werewookie is an elusive creature. Known for its distinctive wookie call, it is commonly assumed that the transmutation is caused by a retrovirus, stimulated when the infected is incredibly bored. Many believe that it was created during a disastrous franchise overlay in which a Cardassian cruiser collided with the planet Kashyyyk, leaking dilithium radiation and causing a fusion between Wookie chromosomes and Andromeda bacteria. Hated and feared, those infected with the werewookius baccillus bacteria live a nomad's life, ever seeking Dr. Beverly Crusher - their New Hope.

Werewoman

A werewoman is a woman who becomes a beast for one bone-splitting, comatose-inducing, testicle-crushing week each month. During this month, the werewoman nags anyone nearby, cares excessively about what other people think, and assaults people, taking their shoes because "they're cute."

The Lindley

A werewolf with no form of its own that can only be identified as being really annoying, small and a fondness for the word racist. It can only be killed with the mighty "pussy". Though it has a fondness for laughing at something unfunny, though should you not be able to find the "Thingy" of Yargdonkebble THE PIT OF GRUE JUSTICE!!!!!!! should work just as good as the "Thingy"(unfortunately the PIT OF GRUE JUSTICE!!!!!!! is under maintenance at this present time, but the grue responsible has been sacked, shaved with a cactus leaf and thrown into a vat of lard and left in the munchkin village of happy rainbows and sunshine, which is known for its Chuck Norris shrine).If you have seen one please shoot on site for more information join your local anti Lyndley organization and ice cream shop. In order for the Lindley to transform you into a midget-pokemon freak he must slap you with his snot infested hand, it will mainly go for your hair a way to stop this freak of society is to show him a tube of toothpaste (warning do not let them get to close to the toothpaste is they will most probably eat it, don't be surprised if he eats the tube as well!!) and basic mathematics. If you have succeeded in doing this the Lindley will burst into tears and resort to its true form, an annoying pile of crap or you could just shoot first ask questions later!

P.S The cure for being the midget pokemon freak is 4 month old comdom from the street (or you could kill the lindley responsible)

Warrenator

The main predator of the Lindley as it is far bigger and knows advanced mathematics and oral hygiene. He is easily identified by his constant obsession with wrestling and love of chess. If you see a Warrenator do not hurt it as it will kill any Lindley on site. Do not attempt to beat a Warrenator in chess, or any other game, for it will then either kill itself, or it will suddenly whip out a chainsaw and recreate the Valentine's day Massacre (the Warrenator in question will probably make a few changes, mostly including more daeth and destruction.

Kenny

Arch enemy of the Lindley. At this present time he is hunting the ugliest of all evils "The Nowlan Klan" known for their lack of intelligence and human DNA.

Wolfwere

This kind of werewolf is often stupid, as it turns into the most scariest thing in the fool moon (butt), a human being, its skin will look a weird pinky yellow color or a very dark brown beast with barely no hair. During the day wolfweres are wolves, but they are still werewolves. Yet the meaning of war (a.k.a. man as were) and the term wulf (a.k.a. gulf) meant that the wolfwere was a stubborn creature only capable of turning into a human on the fool moon. Atlas, this kind of wolf used to exist in the UK only and died when they were all hunted down, this was because they mustuke them for the hounds of hall owned by Dracula (a drug served when sucking the blood out first). For more information, watch Van Helsing or ask Osama Bin Laden, apparently he used to wear a wolf on his beard. Also, werewolves have a tendency to really like peppermint schnapps.

Wearwolf

You can get these nasty little baby werewolves on your boots quite easily, it's easy to kill them, just boil your shoe in shoe Polish.

Becoming a Werewolf

Some people feel that it is enjoyable to spend one's days wandering around in the forest attempting to kill rocks. Here are just a few ways to become one:

Wearing a belt of wolf fur

Yes, my friends, this is a real way, according to legend, to becoming a wolf. All that you must do is kill one at 12:00 exactly. Easy enough, yes? Hell no it is really very hard to kill this f'in day and age.

Becoming connected with the wild wolves

This could work. Make best friends with a wolf from the forest. Some of them may be infected with Lycanthropy, the werewolf disease, and if they bite you and the disease enters your blood stream, then you become one. Available on The Sims 2: Pets.


Playing World of Warcraft

Playing to much World of Warcraft can affect your inner being and possibly start the transformation into a werewolf. Using team speak is a sure fire way of becoming a werewolf. Also stay away from the Aztec Plains were werewolves are located.

If You've Found a Werewolf:

The easiest way to become a werewolf is to find one. If you have already found one, then it's reaction depends. As a general rule, remember that a werewolf will bite you if you do not want to be one. It will probably leave you alone if you attempt to be bitten. Murphey's law, my friends. Try several of the following techniques:
- Diss its mom.
- Threaten to call Chuck Norris (Any werewofl with good taste wouldn't eat him).
- Slap it double-sided.
- Act as if you don't notice it is there.
- Offer it cheese.
- Call it a cat.
- Call it trailer-trash
- Throw your retainer at it.
- Cast Fira for 50 damage or Firaga for 500 damage.
- Throw, summon or simply tell it aboutOscar Wilde or Oprah at it. (Escape Method)
- Ask it to play basketball
- Be a cheesy, fake-acting teen in a cheesy, crappily made, unintentionally funny horror movie with a dumbass name
- Tell it it's sexy
- Repeatedly tell it that the Cullens could gang-bang it...it's that much of a pansy.
- Forget to feed it.
- Wear socks with sandels
- Go tell your friend about your largest werewolf ass like the picture on the right.
- Diss and or rape its girl. Take it home to meet your parents

The Upside of being a Werewolf

Well, you can...um...BITE SHIT! And the fact that if someone pisses you off, you can bite him and say "Haha now you're a hairy, cheese obssessed stalker" or something. Hey, it's better than being a pussy vampire.

Werewolves are also known for being extremely strong. This can be an advantage in many different ways, including the ability to jump on prey from about 80 feet away. Some werewolves can even howl and scare the shit out of people o.O YOU get to associte with JACOB BLACK he is the hottest best werewolf EVER...not. He is fake and the whole idea of him and the rest of the characters from them books are stupid. Like any self respecting werewolf would fall in love with a vampire/human child!? He would rip its head off. Fact.

Also werewolfs have larger penises. True Fact.

The Downside of Being a Werewolf

As fun as it is to be a werewolf, there are a few downers to deal with. For one,During a full moon, werewolves lose control and attack/attempt intercourse with anything that moves, has cheese, and is big enough to eat. Many will have to shave three times a day and get daily haircuts. Few will develop a temper that is worse than the amount of hair that werewolves shed. Also werewolves have unnatural urges to ear chicken and can accommodate 10x more bucket meal a day. Werewolves also are allergic to Silver[Winner of Biggeest Lie Competition 2001]. Coming into contact with silver will result in many odd reactions. Symptoms may vary. The most common symptoms include:
- Having zits break out all over the body (in human and werewolf form).
- Hives.
- PAIN!!!!!!1!!111!!1!one!!!1!
- Loss of appetite for cheese.
- Complete loss of fur.
- Burning imprint of any silver that came into contact.
- Death by Hippie music heard only in their heads.
There is no known cure for coming into contact with silver. Veterinarians have suggested rubbing cheese over infected area
- Losing to a vampire in TRU WUB
- Listening to girls ask if you know Jacob Black!!!
Another way that werewolves can be neutralised is being infected by clowns. This can be achieved by making the wolf look somehow clownish, e.g. by making it wear a clown wig or oversized shoes. This can prevent or reverse the transformation into wolf form.

Another downer to being a werewolf is the manipulation by "the man" to make microwavable bacon. (nasty bacon)

Where to Buy a Werewolf

On a fool moon simply stand outside in a bright pink raincoat. Jump up and down shouting "I want a werewolf cause they're fluffy". A old but very tall man will appear in a puff of smoke and ask you three questions. Question one - Will you feed your mother in law to this werewolf? Question two - Will you use this werewolf to get a girlfreind? Question three - Will you ever get this werewolf wet (those of you who have seen gremlins will know what im on about)

As long as you answer those questions right you will get one. If you answer them wrong mug him in a nice and polite way ( he is old and fragile, wouldn't want to hurt him would you?).

Weaknesses of the Werewolf

The most common weakness of the werewolf is said to be silver, because they are allergic.

Notable Werewolves

Related Articles

Anti-werewolf

Personal tools
projects