Weekday

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Revision as of 18:12, August 22, 2011 by 12.104.14.149 (talk)

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“Fuck weekdays”
~ Oscar Wilde on Weekdays
“Weekdays...weekdays...what?”
~ God on Weekdays
“I forgot to do my homework!”
~ Chuck Norris on Weekdays

A weekday has several definitions:

-A day between Sunday and Tuesday, usually resulting a time space flux that will cause it to also encompass the dates of Unzdag and The Friday after next.

-A day similar to Thurday where everyone gets drunk off their ass.

-A day proportional to the planet Simx-172's Yesterday, in which you don't remember anything because you got drunk off your ass.

Weekdays in pop culture

Normally, weekdays are all around you. You can find 'em everywhere; in the 'hood, on the block, it's a bird you can just take home an wear out. If you have some semblance of a brain, you know that Monday comes after Friday only when the following formula applies: Friday+Monday/Month-Thursday>69 to the 18th power=1337

Using this formula, you can determine how Australia in fact won the 1969 Winter Olympics by a tied score of 81.2 to 1. (Editor's note: Seeing as Chuck Norris was on the voting council for the Dodgeball event showed on national television across the nation, Of course the Australians would have won. Damn you Chuck Norris.)


Weekdays in order from Q to Z

  • Monday
  • Tuesday
  • Unzdag
  • Friday
  • Thurday
  • Midday
  • Friday
  • Sunday
  • Mayday
  • Yesterday
  • The day before yesterday
  • Tomorrow
  • Saturday
  • The day after tomorrow


A brief History of Time and Weekdays

It is said that in the beginning of time, God was tinkering with defective X-box 360. While replacing the faulty flux capacitor with a newer, more undefective one from the car in Back to the Past, his hand slipped more to the left than it should have, causing a big explosion known today as "The Big Gangbang", in which all the planets were formed.

Upon Finding the planets created, God's mother told him to "Stop playing them damn games and do something important for once". God groaned, and after repeated nagging, listened. However, not knowing what to do, he stood there for what would eventually be the timespace between 3:45 monday afternoon and 7:12 pm Tuesday night. After pondering this long stretch of time, he began to question exactly how this actually came into existence. He spent nearly eight weeks pondering this. He came to a conclusion (albeit not too soon, as if he had gone on 0.7261 seconds longer, he would have dissolved into a puff of logic) that there should be items called "days" in these long stretches of time. This was hailed by Time magazine as "The greatest discovery of its time" and The Wall Street Journal hailed it as "Jesus ain't got shit on this". As most great men do when they find something important, they name them after their closest friends. These people just happened to be (in order alphabetically) Frison, Montery, Thursenfur, Tuesenberger, and Wedneshitler (Great-great grandfather of Adolf). (This debate fuels speculation that the Germans in fact did come before the Chicken or the Egg). I'll leave you to determine who got what day. After creating all the days, cross-checking times, and Montery and Frison arguing about who should get what spot in the Weekday Lineup(Monday now comes before Friday, but please see the formula above), God was, needless to say, tired. The bible says it took God 6 days to create earth. It really took him only 5, as the other two would not be invented for another 4.5 billion years (By George W. Bush)


Conclusion

After the Monkey Riots of 2034, the days that were labeled as "weekends" ceased to exist, leaving only Monday, Thursday, Wednesday, Friday, and Tuesday. The order was changed to the aforementioned state, with wednesday still at the center to piss everyone off. Weekdays have been, are, and apparently will be part of our future.

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