Webster Transitional School
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|School Motto||I gotta have more CADMIUM!!|
|School Mascot||Arty, a robot that looks just like Arthur L. Webster|
|Governing Body Type||Dictatorship|
|Supreme Dictator of the School Grounds||Arthur L. Webster III|
|The Not Quiet So Supreme, but Nonetheless a Dictator, Dictator of a Realm of the School Grounds not Quiet as Large as That of the "Supreme Dictator's" but He's Very Sensitive About It, so don't Bring It Up (to be known as "Vice-Dictators" from this point forward)||Adolf Hitler, Jr.|
|Factions (paired with its opposing faction(s)|
“It's like Africa... in middle school”
Webster Transitional School, officially Arthur L. Webster Transitional School, also known as Webster Transvestite School, abbreviated as WTS, often believed to to mean What the Shit!, is the sole middle school in the prison city of Cedarburg, Wisconsin. By an amazing phenomenon, it manages to house almost 700 people despite the fact that only about 400 people in all of Cedarburg are free citizens. The student body is divided into three sides, the nerds, the jocks, and the strange hybrid nercks, who constantly battle in the hallways. Only one person is neutral in this three way war, and they occasionaly get to referee the emo-pulling contests.
The school's faculty includes 43 zombies, 11 Balrogs, and two normal people (a jock and a nerck). Education is attempted here, but the only things accomplished are playing Call of Duty in the hallways, watching the people playing Call of Duty in the hallways, and caring for the casulties of playing Call of Duty in the hallway (this one jock once took a duty in the hallway).
Webster Transitional School was established as a school for Nazi Zombies in 1944, in an attempt by Hitler to take over the United States of America from the inside. However, when the USA allegedly won the war in 1945, the Nazi generals retreated, despite the Germans actually having almost taken over California. This resulted in the country's most famous school of zombies (you should have seen their football team: it was a sight to behold) until 1971, when the first real person was introduced. This man, Arthur L. Webster, was an avid player of Call of Duty, and wanted to go in and "pwn" those zombies. He actually slightly succeeded, culling the population of zombies to about 74, give or take a living-dead.
At this point, it was decided that a large population of real people, about 50 of them, should be introduced to the "school". They came in and attempted to have classes, but most of the time was spent defending against zombies, which is what gave Webster students their obsession with the Call of Duty series. These original fifty decided to name the school after Arthur when he died in a horrific zombie accident involving brains and hunger in 1979. They also wanted to attract a few more students and did not think that the "The Nazi Zombie School of Cedarburg" was a very pleasing name.
Every 6 months since then, a member of the Original Fifty has died and turned into a zombie or potentially a shade, which happens every 2-3 years. Only two members of the Original Fifty remain. These are the two normal staff members. When the name was finally changed, the "school" turned into a school with real classes and just a few zombie teachers.
edit Academic Performance
“YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”
The students at Webster Transitional School don't perform at the average level. In fact, the performance of students is the lowest in the entire state. This can mainly be attributed to what is scientifically known as Melty Brain Syndrome. Melty Brain Syndrome seems to be isolated to Cedarburg. People with Melty Brain Syndrome literally have brains that are constantly melting in their heads. This means that by the age of 14 (making them eight graders), most Webster student's brains will have completely melted and fallen out of their heads via the ears. It's a sight to behold. At that point, the students begin to epically fail school, but somehow manage to land on their feet to become useless, irritating suburbanites just like their parents.
Melty Brain Syndrome seems to be caused by multiple factors such as growing environment, Idiot Exposure Ratio, arrogance, and zombies infecting the subject(s) with zombie qualities. Cedarburg has such a high number of infected people because all of these factors are at their worst. The environment in which children grow up in is horrible, being around irritating people all the time, drinking waters that's mostly made of narcotics, and living in a very racist city all contribute to this. The Idiot Exposure Ratio in Cedarburg is the second highest in the USA, second only to Texas. The children of Cedarburg are very arrogant, never having worked for anything. And finally, due to the Human-Zombie war in Webster, many students are infected with zombie DNA, making them even more susceptible to Melty Brain Syndrome.
As a result of this, Webster Transitional School has had to greatly lower its standards so that at least some students can pass. In recent years, most students have passed, with several exceptions, but that is mainly because Arthur L. Webster III has lowered the school's standards to the point that to pass, students only need to know how to write their names. Around the same time, the Webster Yearbook Committee eliminated the "Most Likely to Succeed" and "Least Likely to Succeed" categories in the yearbook seeing as, in reality, no one is going to succeed.
Earlier in the History of Webster Transitional School, teachers actually gave out homework. This practice of torture has since been declared "inhumane" and the chief homework-giving teachers were brought to trial in 2005 for crimes against humanity. The practice of giving out homework was first protested in 1995, when students became very angry at the administration for giving out too much homework to most students and no homework to the members of the Webster Call of Duty Team. This later became known as Reaganomics. By February, 1996, the protests had become violent. The Vice-Dictator, Richard Simmons was chased out of the school, as were several other teachers. The took the example of Adolf Hitler and the other Nazis and fled to South America where they couldn't be tried for war-crimes. Reagan then made his Reagan Administration the new Vice-Dictator. This administration put the rebellion down. Homework wouldn't be protested again until 2004, when Arthur L. Webster III became the new Supreme Dictator. He quickly abolished homework and started the "Homework Trials" which resulted in 17 emo teachers being executed by a firing squad from Mexico.
In recent years, homework has become something of a joke. On April Fools Day, teachers will often give out homework, not expecting it to be turned in. With students however, the title "Homework" has become something of an insult. If one student is really pissed-off at another student, they might call the other student a "homework" or a "homework face". This begins a series of insults thrown back and forth ("You do homework!" "Oh yeah, so's your mudda!") often resulting in a fist fight. "Destroy All Homeworks!" has become a very popular video game at Webster because it honors the struggle that earlier students went through to get homework abolished.
edit The Library of the People
Webster Transitional School doesn't have a school library or a school newspaper. Instead, when students need to find information, they turn to Webster's Library of the People, better known as the bathroom. Here students can find everything from the "common man's" take on "current events" to a detailed record of whom is hot and whom is not. You can even find a list of the place and time that particular people engaged or want to engage in certain actions. The Library of the People is also well known for its "fine" art, which is reminiscent of another age when public nudity was considered swell, although it's hardly as well done as a Greek sculpture or a renaissance painting.
The school's librarian will sometimes hand out towels, and then you have to tip her.
The student body of Webster Transitional School is divided into two main groups, males and females. The females seem to hold some strange power over the males, giving them complete control of the student body. The students are 50% female and 49% male. There is also one percent of the student population whose gender cannot be determined seeing as they believe that they are males, but tend to bear female tenancies. Both of these groups can divided into two main categories: nerds and jocks. There are about 16% nerds and 84% jocks. In another study, three other main groups were derived: Call of Duty players, people who help the Call of Duty players, and the "What the hell is Call of Duty?" group.
edit The Nerds
The nerds are subdivided into two groups: Call of Duty nerds, and those other random nerds. The Call of Duty nerds follow the long history of Call of Duty playing in the school, starting with Arthur L. Webster, and many are direct descendants of Arthur himself. Unfortunately, 99% of the female population of this type died out with the death of the Original Fifty. They play in the hallways, shooting the zombie teachers, as well as fake shooting each other in the spirit of "CODMod 2" otherwise known as Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Those other random nerds play assorted games, including World of Warcraft, Runescape, and Dungeons & Dragons. They LARP (Live Action Role Play, for those unenlightened by the light of Pelor (and for those still unenlightened, that's the God of the Sun in Dungeons & Dragons(for those computer addicts who remain unenlightened, despite a massive enlightenment overdose, the Sun is a giant ball of gas without which we could not live))) in the hallways, using the Call of Duty players as terrain for their amazing adventures.
edit The Jocks
The jocks mainly attempt to play "football, a game where they think one is supposed to get the ball over either imaginary lines on a grassy field or over an actual line of chalk or paint or something drawn on the grass.
edit Call of Duty Players
Half of Webster Transitional School plays a game in the school called Call of Duty, which is a real life simulation of the video game series, Call of Duty. Since Most of the staff consists of zombies, many still Nazi Zombies from 1944, it is easy to simulate Call of Duty: World at War. Each player brings in a few guns for the day and stops the zombies from killing people in the "classes".
edit Hardcore Gamers
There is a very small minority in Webster Transitional School of gamers who scoff at Call of Duty in part because of its easiness, but mainly because they don't want to be like everyone else. Most of these students are also nerds. This category contains mainly human students, but there are also several Nazi Zombie students who fall into this group.
edit Guitar Hero
The cool, emo gamers of Webster. These total punks hang out all night playing Guitar Hero, Rock Band, and Roak Band - Teutonic Invasion all night while they talk about everything being stupid and how "the man" is always keeping them down.
edit Guitar Hero - for Nerds
There is a group of nerds who view themselves as "hanging with the Guitar Hero crowd," but they actually play the wrong games. These games would be Triangle Hero and Early Music Ensemble. This group is despised by all.
edit Nazi Zombie Gamers
This group is limited to exactly one game: Holocaust Tycoon.
edit Extreme Gamers
Really these guys are just typical gamers who play the same games as the rest of the world (Half-Life, Half-Life 2, Half-jew, Halo, Grand Theft Auto, and Pac-Man), but they are the closest thing Webster has to actual extreme gamers. In fact if a student at Webster actully got on a skateboard, they would fall off within three seconds and run home crying to mommy.
There are several sports played at Webster Transitional School.
edit Call of Duty
Call of Duty is the official sport of Webster Transitional School. In fact, Webster has one of the best Call of Duty teams in the world.
The first Webster Call of Duty Team was formed in 1975, and coached by the legendary Arthur L. Webster himself. At the time, no one had heard of Call of Duty, seeing as it hadn't been released to the rest of the world. After winning the international tournament, which consisted of all three middle school-level Call of Duty Teams in the world, Arthur enlisted all of the team members in the United States Marine Corps, where they were sent to Vietnam and died in the Vietnam War. Webster won every international Call of Duty Tournament from 1975 to 1978, but in 1979, Arthur L. Webster died in the zombie attack that led to the first Webster Zombie War. The Call of Duty players spent the next three years fighting the zombies and couldn't take part in any tournaments. In 1983, Webster entered the international Call of Duty Tournament again and won, and won every tournament until 1998, when they were defeated by Templeton Middle School, also of Wisconsin. This sparked a bitter rivalry that lasts to this day.
Call of Duty Team Members train for 7 hours everyday, and spend all their weekends and other days off from school at the Webster Call of Duty Training Facility. The Training Facility is fully equipped with Call of Duty, Call of Duty 2, Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, I have to take a Duty and Call of Duty 5, as well as real weapons for extreme training. Team Members rarely, if ever, see their families. Because their training requires such dedication, Call of Duty Team Members are exempt from schoolwork, and simply sit in the back of classrooms all day playing one of the games in the Call of Duty series before heading off to the training facility.
It should be noted that most Webster Call of Duty players are not members of the Call of Duty team. According to the National Call of Duty Virtual Rules of Virtual War, a Call of Duty Team can be made up of only fifteen students. There are, in actuality, more than 500 Call of Duty players in Webster School. Despite their not being exempt from schoolwork, all Call of Duty players still play Call of Duty for the entire school day.
Despite Call of Duty's immense popularity, the jocks and some of the nercks of Webster Transitional School View themselves as being above the game. Therefore, after Arthur L. Webster's death, they started the Webster Football Team. This sport is not at all popular, and the Webster Team has become more of a private team. No one from the school ever goes to the football games, and instead stay at home to play Call of Duty (although several girls with advanced cases of "Melty Brain Syndrome" were spotted at several games). In an attempt to gain popularity, the Webster Football Team changed its name to the "Cedarburg Colts," after the Indianapolis Colts. This resulted not only in a drop in popularity, but also a lawsuit from the Indianapolis Colts. However, the Cedarburg Colts haven't changed their name, yet.
Foreign Football is much more popular at Webster Transitional School than Real Football. However, Webster does not have its own football team because many footballers called football "football" instead of "soccer." This was considered an unpatriotic act and the Communist Hunters in Cedarburg had real football banned from the school forever.
edit School Clubs
Webster Transitional School is one of Wisconsin's foremost manufacturers of clubs. This started in 1978 when Arthur L. Webster I had the foresight to plan for a fast approaching zombie war, so he built a small club factory on one end of the school. Unfortunately, he didn't have the foresight to see himself being clubbed to death with one his own clubs by a zombie horde, just like a baby seal. Today, Webster BrandTM manufactures all types of clubs ranging from Golf Clubs to Clubs for Seal Clubbing. To identify a Webster BrandTM Clubs, just look for the Webster BrandTM logo on any of their clubs. And remember, when you want to hit something, whether it be a golf ball, baby seal, a store clerk, go with Webster BrandTM: the brand that you can trust because it has the word Webster in it, just like the dictionary. You trust the dictionary don't you? DON'T YOU??? (My club at the ready).
edit Webster Organ Club
This particular club, also known as "Biology for the Criminally Insane," is made up of some really ghoulish students. These students spend their evenings, particularly the time between the hours of 11:30 PM and 2:00 AM, in cemeteries digging up dead bodies to bring into school the next day to secretly dissect in the old Janitor's Closet, so that they can then take the organs and put them in little jars of formaldehyde. Twice each year, the club hosts a swap meet, in which club members trade organs from their collections for other club members collected organs. Many zombies are members of this, most of them being the club's foremost experts on brains.
edit Webster Organ Club
This is a group of musicians who get together to play sinister pipe organ music to each other. They often play for the other organ club while the organ collectors dissect their stolen bodies. You can hire this club for your next social event by contacting MasterofDarknesses@hell.mail.com. Prices are usually $100.00 to $400.00, depending on the size of the event, but they've got serious skill, so trust me, hire them. You won't regret it.
edit The Webster Book Club
This club is Webster Brand'sTM Clubs' best customers. They buy clubs so that they can go out and find books to completely tear apart. This would explain the complete lack of books in Webster, and the scarcity of books within a mile of the school.
CADMIUM! is the element of Webster School, dating back to the days of the zombie regime. The school is actually an old CADMIUM! mine and refinery. During the Nazi times, CADMIUM! was mined during recess by student members of the "Cedarburg CADMIUM! Collector's Progressive" (CCCP). This has carried into a love of CADMIUM! today. In fact, CADMIUM! is used as the unofficial currency of the school, and the most popular students are those with large CADMIUM! collections.
Another reason that CADMIUM! may be so popular is that it was invented, NOT DISCOVERED!, by the Turks of Turkey, not the Turks of Turks and Caicos Islands, the latter of whom nobody likes. Seeing as everyone is fond of Turks, everyone is also fond of CADMIUM!. I mean CADMIUM! is as Turkish a word as you'll ever find. Only an idiot would think that it's one of those Latin word, which it most certainly is not. That happens quite a bit actually, people mistaking Turkish words for Latin words. You'll be talking to some guy and say some Turkish word like CADMIUM! or Germania or even a phrase like "Veni, Vedi, Vecci," and he or she will be all like "That's a Latin. I'm so smart, and you're not because you said a Latin word and didn't even know it!" and then you're all like "Pfh! Well, then you're an idiot! What I just said was Turkish, you bir dil konuşan salak! Yeah that's right, Mr. Superiority Complex, I can speak Turkish and you can't! HAHA!"
edit Supreme Dictators of the School Grounds
Originally referred to a Fuhrers, the Supreme Dictators of the School Grounds serve the same purpose as a school principal, headmaster, or dean with just a bit more power and control over a secret-police force.
Vice-Dictators, also known as "Not Quiet So Supreme, but Nonetheless a Dictator", serve as the Supreme Dictator's right-hand minion and do the Supreme Dictator's "dirty-work" (as well as their "dirty laundry").
edit Secret Police
The Supreme Dictator controls a secret police force, but nothing is known about them because they're so secretive. It's believed that the secret police are students or ex-gestapo officers disguised as students. We have obtained some photos, which we will now
NOTICE: The Webster Transitional School Secret Police have terminated the rest of this article. Anyone who attempts to complete or read this section will be shot on sight!