We Are Scientists

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“Not the bear! Please not the bear!”
~ Oscar Wilde on We are Scientists

We Are Scientists was an intergalactic scientific convention until 2005

History Before 2005

We Are Scientists was founded by God in 4068 BCE, as a way to gather together all the scientists and other God-haters in the world. Unfortunately, as the scientists had already discovered more about His Creation than He knew, using a particle anti-reverser stop horringlier, an iPod, the number 42 and a magic wand, they overpowered God and began to have their own proper convention.

We Are Scientists expanded greatly when the Egyptains invented Space Travel, gaining over 500 gazillion members from various different planets. From 1201 CE, they had to create a temporary parallel universe with a continuous spacetime in it so they could all meet in the same place at the same time. They discussed such diverse matters as inter-particle interactions, the date when computers would overpower mankind, and how a few gazillion geeks could potentially get fucked.

Actors of Evil

But are we scientists? This is the question that scientists (who are), have argued over for many a year. No one can suggest who "we" are, but some sources think that they are: (rated on a scale of 1 to evil (evil being sixty, 1 being 1))

  • Evil rating: 56/60 A perm with a wailing nerd attached, who has been known to elongate words such as "Oh"
  • Evil rating: 62/60 A Ned Flanders lookalike, who can't play anything apart from a broken guitar.
  • Evil rating: 1/60 Something else, which resembles a hairy brick.

2005: With Love and Squalor

With Love and Squalor

We are Scientists in their Kitten Huffing days

The convention held in 2005 was called With Love and Squalor, and aimed to discuss social science of sex in shanty towns and various other matters. However, disaster struck. The convention was invaded by three handsome New York Bachelors, three cats and a bear, shouting Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt. After procaiming the "Scene to be Dead" because of the scientists' "Inaction" over Global Warming, and that they "couldn't lose", the invaders attacked with the "Cash Cow", a new four legged nuclear bomb. It was a hit, and they hit any scientists who tried to perform a "great escape" with "textbooks" lying around. In the post-convention press conference, the new "We Are Scientists" declared that they hated Science's "Lousy Reputation" and that they had been planning the invasion for 3000 years, but it was "worth the wait". When asked how they felt, they replied "Oh, what's the word?"

Post Love and Squalor

The WaS convention was not killed by the invasion, but it was driven underground. It is building up a following again through Wikipedia, and will be back soon...

Update, as of 16/03/2008: It's not back yet.

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