Watermelon

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__noeditsection__[[File:Watermelon.jpg|thumb|270px|Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?]]
 
__noeditsection__[[File:Watermelon.jpg|thumb|270px|Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?]]
O '''Watermelon''', my greatest [[love|<font color=green>love</font>]], how I adore thee! From your firm [[round|rounded]] head to your firm rounded bottom, I cherish every inch of your firm rounded [[beauty|<font color=green>beauty</font>]]. I love you like a starved [[ape|<font color=green>ape</font>]] loves unguarded fruit, or like a segment of lime loves a cool glass of [[beer|<font color=green>beer</font>]] on a hot summer's night. You are everything to me, you sleek globe of emerald wonder. Nay; more than everything, for the cosmos in all its glory is nought compared to your polished [[green|<font color=green>green</font>]] rind and warm [[vagina|<font color=green>crimson flesh</font>]]. Every other piece of fruit in this world and the next shrivels and dries to [[raisin|raisinhood]] before your splendour. Come hither, and kiss me tenderly on the mouth!
+
O '''Watermelon''', my greatest [[love|<span style="color:green;">love</span>]], how I adore thee! From your firm [[round|rounded]] head to your firm rounded bottom, I cherish every inch of your firm rounded [[beauty|<span style="color:green;">beauty</span>]]. I love you like a starved [[ape|<span style="color:green;">ape</span>]] loves unguarded fruit, or like a segment of lime loves a cool glass of [[beer|<span style="color:green;">beer</span>]] on a hot summer's night. You are everything to me, you sleek globe of emerald wonder. Nay; more than everything, for the cosmos in all its glory is nought compared to your polished [[green|<span style="color:green;">green</span>]] rind and warm [[vagina|<span style="color:green;">crimson flesh</span>]]. Every other piece of fruit in this world and the next shrivels and dries to [[raisin|raisinhood]] before your splendour. Come hither, and kiss me tenderly on the mouth!
   
 
==The Beauty of Watermelon==
 
==The Beauty of Watermelon==
 
[[File:Watermelon1.jpg|left|160px|thumb|Cover yourself up, dear.]]
 
[[File:Watermelon1.jpg|left|160px|thumb|Cover yourself up, dear.]]
Watermelon, your [[elegance]] is a visage beyond all else. One can scarcely imagine a more exquisite arrangement of plant matter, nor such a perfectly rendered motif of dark green patterns, even in the most lucid of [[Soma|<font color=green>chemically-enhanced dreams</font>]]. I often picture a shoal of nubile [[Mermaids|<font color=green>Mermaids</font>]] with thick, luscious hair and small, [[sunkissed]] breasts beckoning me to the shore with the subtlest gestures of their hips - you, watermelon, are vastly more alluring than that. You are prettier than any young maiden I will ever hope to see peering from the other side of a fishtank. Your touch is as sensual as a feather [[snake|<font color=green>boa</font>]] coiling itself tantalisingly around my thighs and hips.
+
Watermelon, your [[elegance]] is a visage beyond all else. One can scarcely imagine a more exquisite arrangement of plant matter, nor such a perfectly rendered motif of dark green patterns, even in the most lucid of [[Soma|<span style="color:green;">chemically-enhanced dreams</span>]]. I often picture a shoal of nubile [[Mermaids|<span style="color:green;">Mermaids</span>]] with thick, luscious hair and small, [[sunkissed]] breasts beckoning me to the shore with the subtlest gestures of their hips - you, watermelon, are vastly more alluring than that. You are prettier than any young maiden I will ever hope to see peering from the other side of a fishtank. Your touch is as sensual as a feather [[snake|<span style="color:green;">boa</span>]] coiling itself tantalisingly around my thighs and hips.
   
On a literal level, you are much like a berry swelled to enormous size, and my [[Elvis Presley|<font color=green>heart swells</font>]] equally when I see you. When I lay my [[coarse]], clammy mitts upon your fineness, I taste perfection with my very palms, and the sensation never fades. Watermelon, you make me cry out with [[agonising]] pleasure! You lift me to the brink of ecstasy only to drag me back [[down|<font color=green>down</font>]] into the fervid depths of your [[sweet|<font color=green>sweet</font>]] embrace. And you're all mine! O watermelon, I have been bless'd!
+
On a literal level, you are much like a berry swelled to enormous size, and my [[Elvis Presley|<span style="color:green;">heart swells</span>]] equally when I see you. When I lay my [[coarse]], clammy mitts upon your fineness, I taste perfection with my very palms, and the sensation never fades. Watermelon, you make me cry out with [[agonising]] pleasure! You lift me to the brink of ecstasy only to drag me back [[down|<span style="color:green;">down</span>]] into the fervid depths of your [[sweet|<span style="color:green;">sweet</span>]] embrace. And you're all mine! O watermelon, I have been bless'd!
   
 
==Roundness==
 
==Roundness==
 
[[File:Square-watermelon.gif|200px|thumb|Such heavenly touches ne'er touch'd earthly faces.]]
 
[[File:Square-watermelon.gif|200px|thumb|Such heavenly touches ne'er touch'd earthly faces.]]
Ah, but I have not touched upon the roundness, that ''breathtaking'' [[roundness]]. No [[sonnet|<font color=green>sonnet</font>]] for my love would be replete without some mention of my paramour's faultlessly sculpted figure. The architect whom configured her likeness must have been struck by some divine muse. Perhaps you yourself were the inspiration, watermelon? Your delight transcends [[Bureau of Space and Time|<font color=green>space and time</font>]], so why not? Heaven knows you inspire me. Each morning when I wake from our communal [[bed|<font color=green>mattress</font>]] and lay my eyes upon that fullsome body, I sing out like a songbird in love with [[princess]]. I lose control of my [[limbs]] and appendages, and leap upon you - you are the red-hooded schoolgirl to my carnivorous [[wolf|<font color=green>wolf</font>]], and all because of that delicate shape!
+
Ah, but I have not touched upon the roundness, that ''breathtaking'' [[roundness]]. No [[sonnet|<span style="color:green;">sonnet</span>]] for my love would be replete without some mention of my paramour's faultlessly sculpted figure. The architect whom configured her likeness must have been struck by some divine muse. Perhaps you yourself were the inspiration, watermelon? Your delight transcends [[Bureau of Space and Time|<span style="color:green;">space and time</span>]], so why not? Heaven knows you inspire me. Each morning when I wake from our communal [[bed|<span style="color:green;">mattress</span>]] and lay my eyes upon that fullsome body, I sing out like a songbird in love with [[princess]]. I lose control of my [[limbs]] and appendages, and leap upon you - you are the red-hooded schoolgirl to my carnivorous [[wolf|<span style="color:green;">wolf</span>]], and all because of that delicate shape!
   
The spheroid beauty of my [[love|<font color=green>love</font>]] is maddenning. I could follow those [[curves]] forever with my [[eye|<font color=green>eyes</font>]] and fingertips and end up in the same place I started - in the meantime my chin covers itself in unkempt hair and dangling strands of saliva, but you, watermelon, are the same, as [[youthful]] and effervescent as when I began. You are a perfectly formed [[breast|<font color=green>breast</font>]], rising and falling as the buxom green angel you're conjoined to sighs and tells me she'd do Anything for me. You are the voluptuous [[Marilyn Monroe|<font color=green>Marilyn Monroe</font>]] in melon form; as mesmerising to the eye and crotch as a shape can be. They didn't just break the mould when they made you, they broke every mould in existence and then burned down the mould [[factory|<font color=green>factory</font>]].
+
The spheroid beauty of my [[love|<span style="color:green;">love</span>]] is maddenning. I could follow those [[curves]] forever with my [[eye|<span style="color:green;">eyes</span>]] and fingertips and end up in the same place I started - in the meantime my chin covers itself in unkempt hair and dangling strands of saliva, but you, watermelon, are the same, as [[youthful]] and effervescent as when I began. You are a perfectly formed [[breast|<span style="color:green;">breast</span>]], rising and falling as the buxom green angel you're conjoined to sighs and tells me she'd do Anything for me. You are the voluptuous [[Marilyn Monroe|<span style="color:green;">Marilyn Monroe</span>]] in melon form; as mesmerising to the eye and crotch as a shape can be. They didn't just break the mould when they made you, they broke every mould in existence and then burned down the mould [[factory|<span style="color:green;">factory</span>]].
   
 
==Gentleness of Spirit==
 
==Gentleness of Spirit==
 
[[File:WatermelonBaller.JPG|200px|thumb|left|I knew we wouldn't regret buying those toys.]]
 
[[File:WatermelonBaller.JPG|200px|thumb|left|I knew we wouldn't regret buying those toys.]]
Before you take me for some superficial [[harpy|<font color=green>harpy</font>]], my love, I'll have you know that your prettiest attribute is your personality. You are so understanding and [[wide|accommodating]], yet have no fear of chiding me when I require it. Whenever I am [[down|<font color=green>down</font>]], you always know what to say. When the mean post-room guys at [[work|<font color=green>work</font>]] call me "fruitfucker" you always know what to do to [[cheer]] me up. You are so [[slut|<font color=green>generous with your love yet</font>]], in seducing you, I still feel the thrill of the chase, especially when I accidentally let you [[roll]] down a steep incline.
+
Before you take me for some superficial [[harpy|<span style="color:green;">harpy</span>]], my love, I'll have you know that your prettiest attribute is your personality. You are so understanding and [[wide|accommodating]], yet have no fear of chiding me when I require it. Whenever I am [[down|<span style="color:green;">down</span>]], you always know what to say. When the mean post-room guys at [[work|<span style="color:green;">work</span>]] call me "fruitfucker" you always know what to do to [[cheer]] me up. You are so [[slut|<span style="color:green;">generous with your love yet</span>]], in seducing you, I still feel the thrill of the chase, especially when I accidentally let you [[roll]] down a steep incline.
   
And you are so wonderfully [[Oscar Wilde|<font color=green>witty</font>]]! Nothing brings me out in [[schoolgirl|<font color=green>schoolgirl</font>]] hysterics like your one-liners. I still [[tell]] the one about the apple, the orange and the banana to my friends and it always leaves me giggling like a hyena on nitrous oxide. [[Jokes|<font color=green>Jokes</font>]] like that really make you think.
+
And you are so wonderfully [[Oscar Wilde|<span style="color:green;">witty</span>]]! Nothing brings me out in [[schoolgirl|<span style="color:green;">schoolgirl</span>]] hysterics like your one-liners. I still [[tell]] the one about the apple, the orange and the banana to my friends and it always leaves me giggling like a hyena on nitrous oxide. [[Jokes|<span style="color:green;">Jokes</span>]] like that really make you think.
   
 
==Forbidden Fruit==
 
==Forbidden Fruit==
   
But of course my [[darling|<font color=green>darling</font>]], they will not [[let]] our love be, will they? How feebly they try to [[cut|<font color=green>bisect</font>]] our entwined bodies from their loving [[siamese]] embrace. How bluntly they try to chastise me with their [[inane]] cries of ''"Oh your poor [[mother|<font color=green>mother</font>]]!"'' and ''"What will the neighbours say!"'' As if the love between a [[man|<font color=green>man</font>]] and a fruit simply cannot be!
+
But of course my [[darling|<span style="color:green;">darling</span>]], they will not [[let]] our love be, will they? How feebly they try to [[cut|<span style="color:green;">bisect</span>]] our entwined bodies from their loving [[siamese]] embrace. How bluntly they try to chastise me with their [[inane]] cries of ''"Oh your poor [[mother|<span style="color:green;">mother</span>]]!"'' and ''"What will the neighbours say!"'' As if the love between a [[man|<span style="color:green;">man</span>]] and a fruit simply cannot be!
 
[[File:800px-Watermelons.jpg|thumb|200px|I think my love as rare,<br>As she belied with false compare.]]
 
[[File:800px-Watermelons.jpg|thumb|200px|I think my love as rare,<br>As she belied with false compare.]]
Why does [[nobody|<font color=green>nobody</font>]] understand that we have a special [[bond|<font color=green>bond</font>]] that eclipses such paltry matters as race, species, genus and kingdom. When we first met I was less enlightened, of course, I [[remember]] saying to myself, "I'm Animalia, she's Plantae, it'd never work," but somehow, we [[made|<font color=green>made</font>]] it work.
+
Why does [[nobody|<span style="color:green;">nobody</span>]] understand that we have a special [[bond|<span style="color:green;">bond</span>]] that eclipses such paltry matters as race, species, genus and kingdom. When we first met I was less enlightened, of course, I [[remember]] saying to myself, "I'm Animalia, she's Plantae, it'd never work," but somehow, we [[made|<span style="color:green;">made</span>]] it work.
   
Why can they not [[see|<font color=green>see</font>]] this? Why does our love provoke such [[pure]] and unadulterated [[hate|<font color=green>hatred</font>]]? Why do they interrogate me with such suspicion regarding the [[airholes]] I've drilled in you? But even if our two worlds collided in a bloody and senseless [[war|<font color=green>war</font>]] over us, they would never keep us apart. So long as international [[waters]] exist I will make you my [[wife|<font color=green>wife</font>]]. My love for you is as relentless as a tide out for revenge, and as perpetual as an evergreen [[tree]] with a vampire's [[curse|<font color=green>curse</font>]]. If you leave me watermelon I shall [[die|<font color=green>die</font>]], for it is [[only|<font color=green>only</font>]] when I am with you that I truly live - all else I am but a shade. Now [[come|<font color=green>come</font>]], let us to bed. I will hold you fondly [[until]] the [[world|<font color=green>world</font>]] ends around us, and I shall not even acknowledge it, because my world ends with [[you|<font color=green>you</font>]]...
+
Why can they not [[see|<span style="color:green;">see</span>]] this? Why does our love provoke such [[pure]] and unadulterated [[hate|<span style="color:green;">hatred</span>]]? Why do they interrogate me with such suspicion regarding the [[airholes]] I've drilled in you? But even if our two worlds collided in a bloody and senseless [[war|<span style="color:green;">war</span>]] over us, they would never keep us apart. So long as international [[waters]] exist I will make you my [[wife|<span style="color:green;">wife</span>]]. My love for you is as relentless as a tide out for revenge, and as perpetual as an evergreen <span class="new">[[tree]]</span> with a vampire's [[curse|<span style="color:green;">curse</span>]]. If you leave me watermelon I shall [[die|<span style="color:green;">die</span>]], for it is [[only|<span style="color:green;">only</span>]] when I am with you that I truly live - all else I am but a shade. Now [[come|<span style="color:green;">come</span>]], let us to bed. I will hold you fondly [[until]] the [[world|<span style="color:green;">world</span>]] ends around us, and I shall not even acknowledge it, because my world ends with [[you|<span style="color:green;">you</span>]]...
   
 
==See Also==
 
==See Also==
*[[Water|<font color=green>Water</font>]]
+
*[[Water|<span style="color:green;">Water</span>]]
 
*[[Melon]]
 
*[[Melon]]
  +
  +
{{FA|date=15 September 2011|revision=5287124}}
  +
 
[[Category:Fruit]]
 
[[Category:Fruit]]
 
[[Category:Watermelons]]
 
[[Category:Watermelons]]
  +
[[zh:西瓜]]

Latest revision as of 01:37, April 18, 2013

Watermelon

Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?

O Watermelon, my greatest love, how I adore thee! From your firm rounded head to your firm rounded bottom, I cherish every inch of your firm rounded beauty. I love you like a starved ape loves unguarded fruit, or like a segment of lime loves a cool glass of beer on a hot summer's night. You are everything to me, you sleek globe of emerald wonder. Nay; more than everything, for the cosmos in all its glory is nought compared to your polished green rind and warm crimson flesh. Every other piece of fruit in this world and the next shrivels and dries to raisinhood before your splendour. Come hither, and kiss me tenderly on the mouth!

The Beauty of Watermelon

Watermelon1

Cover yourself up, dear.

Watermelon, your elegance is a visage beyond all else. One can scarcely imagine a more exquisite arrangement of plant matter, nor such a perfectly rendered motif of dark green patterns, even in the most lucid of chemically-enhanced dreams. I often picture a shoal of nubile Mermaids with thick, luscious hair and small, sunkissed breasts beckoning me to the shore with the subtlest gestures of their hips - you, watermelon, are vastly more alluring than that. You are prettier than any young maiden I will ever hope to see peering from the other side of a fishtank. Your touch is as sensual as a feather boa coiling itself tantalisingly around my thighs and hips.

On a literal level, you are much like a berry swelled to enormous size, and my heart swells equally when I see you. When I lay my coarse, clammy mitts upon your fineness, I taste perfection with my very palms, and the sensation never fades. Watermelon, you make me cry out with agonising pleasure! You lift me to the brink of ecstasy only to drag me back down into the fervid depths of your sweet embrace. And you're all mine! O watermelon, I have been bless'd!

Roundness

Square-watermelon

Such heavenly touches ne'er touch'd earthly faces.

Ah, but I have not touched upon the roundness, that breathtaking roundness. No sonnet for my love would be replete without some mention of my paramour's faultlessly sculpted figure. The architect whom configured her likeness must have been struck by some divine muse. Perhaps you yourself were the inspiration, watermelon? Your delight transcends space and time, so why not? Heaven knows you inspire me. Each morning when I wake from our communal mattress and lay my eyes upon that fullsome body, I sing out like a songbird in love with princess. I lose control of my limbs and appendages, and leap upon you - you are the red-hooded schoolgirl to my carnivorous wolf, and all because of that delicate shape!

The spheroid beauty of my love is maddenning. I could follow those curves forever with my eyes and fingertips and end up in the same place I started - in the meantime my chin covers itself in unkempt hair and dangling strands of saliva, but you, watermelon, are the same, as youthful and effervescent as when I began. You are a perfectly formed breast, rising and falling as the buxom green angel you're conjoined to sighs and tells me she'd do Anything for me. You are the voluptuous Marilyn Monroe in melon form; as mesmerising to the eye and crotch as a shape can be. They didn't just break the mould when they made you, they broke every mould in existence and then burned down the mould factory.

Gentleness of Spirit

WatermelonBaller

I knew we wouldn't regret buying those toys.

Before you take me for some superficial harpy, my love, I'll have you know that your prettiest attribute is your personality. You are so understanding and accommodating, yet have no fear of chiding me when I require it. Whenever I am down, you always know what to say. When the mean post-room guys at work call me "fruitfucker" you always know what to do to cheer me up. You are so generous with your love yet, in seducing you, I still feel the thrill of the chase, especially when I accidentally let you roll down a steep incline.

And you are so wonderfully witty! Nothing brings me out in schoolgirl hysterics like your one-liners. I still tell the one about the apple, the orange and the banana to my friends and it always leaves me giggling like a hyena on nitrous oxide. Jokes like that really make you think.

Forbidden Fruit

But of course my darling, they will not let our love be, will they? How feebly they try to bisect our entwined bodies from their loving siamese embrace. How bluntly they try to chastise me with their inane cries of "Oh your poor mother!" and "What will the neighbours say!" As if the love between a man and a fruit simply cannot be!

800px-Watermelons

I think my love as rare,
As she belied with false compare.

Why does nobody understand that we have a special bond that eclipses such paltry matters as race, species, genus and kingdom. When we first met I was less enlightened, of course, I remember saying to myself, "I'm Animalia, she's Plantae, it'd never work," but somehow, we made it work.

Why can they not see this? Why does our love provoke such pure and unadulterated hatred? Why do they interrogate me with such suspicion regarding the airholes I've drilled in you? But even if our two worlds collided in a bloody and senseless war over us, they would never keep us apart. So long as international waters exist I will make you my wife. My love for you is as relentless as a tide out for revenge, and as perpetual as an evergreen tree with a vampire's curse. If you leave me watermelon I shall die, for it is only when I am with you that I truly live - all else I am but a shade. Now come, let us to bed. I will hold you fondly until the world ends around us, and I shall not even acknowledge it, because my world ends with you...

See Also

190px-Featured.png

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