Wario the Quario
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“He is my son. Seriously. I want you to start living as a gay woman.”
~ Dr. Phil on Wario
“I'm just LOVING his pink dungarees and yellow hat! Mmm...mmmm... yummy!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Wario
“I bet they don't have show up your ass mini games.”
~ Chad Warden on WarioWare Inc.
“You call that a fart? this is a fart.”
~ Crocodile Dundee on Wario's farting in SSBB
“I wish I was as chubby as Wario.”
~ Mario on Wario
“I C Wut you did thar.”
~ Wario on Mario's statement above this reply
“Like Mario but better!”
~ Nintendo on Wario
Wario(A.K.A 7 deadly sins in a fat body) (b. May 29 1970-d. April 1 2300) is a golddigger from the gold mines of Nintendoland. Kayne Mest's song "Gold Digger" is based on Wario's life. It has planned to be used on the movie The Lion King, but was then replaced with "The Circle of Life". He has used gold to purchase high tech security for his royal castle in the rural seclusion of where his rivals can't find her. Although he is not queer, hell, he's straight, but he's so fat. He weighs about one metric ton.
[[Image:Media:siegheil==Early life==
Wario was born near Yoshi's Island where his parents dropped him off in hopes that he would be raised by a group of Yoshis. The events of this is chronicled in Yoshi's Island DS. Unfortunately, Wario passed a lot of gas, everywhere, and so the Yoshis sold him on eBay for $20, with the description calling him 'Jimmy Toot-Toot's off-spring'. This didn't sell, so Wario became an orphan. Wario lived in the woods, and no creature could come near him because of his terrible stench. Wario later found a video game company that would support his desire to become famous and rich. Producing "WarioWare" and other games, Wario found that he had a cousin, also in the video game industry, Mario. Wario became jealous of Mario, and became a crazy drug addict who now lives in L.A. When Wario has a child, he has lived through the time of the Wii. This was when Nintendo has came out with golden age games. And during that period, Wario played many games, and got so addicted that it later became a precursor to Wario's lazy mood. Also, Wario was force-fed a garlic cake from his radio and is now thoroughly addicted. He likes shouting WWWEEEAAA at mario.
He also liked eating live animals and Waluigi. From the age 1-10 he was an estimated 500,000,000,000,000 stone.
Super Mario knew Wario the big fat stupid arsehole from Nintendiversity during the 1960's. Super Mario once almost died when Wario wrestled him. Wario has become lazy aftering getting rich quickly when mining in the gold mine. He is Nintendoland's "most obese supervillian". Bowser, however was number 1 until Wario became a quario. Even though people circulate in trivia questions that Neil Armstrong was the first man to go on the moon, Wario was really the first one on there, in fact he farted on the moon.[1]
Wario has worked in the queerest gold mines of Nintendoland. The gold he obtains is usually whopping in value and amuses him like an elephant on a tall building. Wario has eaten a lot of chocolate brussel sprouts and had to visit the Diamond City dentist seven times since his teeth were weak as a pussy. He ate 16 dentists and counting. In 1980, Wario started a video game company called WarioWare, Inc., which sold video games with high-end tongue-in-cheek humor. Wario was called "WANKER BILL" by many fans of his due to quirky minigames made by WarioWare Inc.
Later, Wario has helped Nintendo build the Revolutiontendo. When Wario completed the prototype, he got lazier since he started to play stupendously thrilling games that amused him. Wario was so lazy, that he wanted to find other BIG FAT ARSE HOLES to play video games with. Prior to the creation of the Revolutiontendo, Wario played a lot of SpongeBob SquarePants.
Wario also co-created the anime series Inuyasha with the Teletubbies in an attempt to make people join the Dark Side. When Wario was getting lazier, he started playing in toy lots, and started vomiting dogs the size of Bullet Bill. Then he worked at Sam`s club.
== Abusive prebirth and early life == Wario had an abusive acoholic mother who smoked and drank while pregnate with Wario. She packed on many calories which all went to Wario making him obese.
At birth Warios waist was so large that it split his mothers pussy into just a big hole. One day Wario bit his mothers leg thinking it was a twinkie, she then beat Wario repeatadly, broke his jaw so it wouldn't close, and through him at the wall as he shit all over her. She then left him at a rat infested island named yoshi's island.
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[edit] Gaming Company
Wario had been trying to kill Mario for 20 years,then when he got drunk,he made a gaming company and hired a Pimp named Jimmy Testicles and his bro Jimmy Penis and hired a whore from a pizza restaurant named Mona the Slut,an alien player named Orbulon,a kewl pimp named 9-Volt and his homie 18-Volt, a swinger named Young Cricket, a bitch named Ashley, two hitmen named Dribble and Spitz, a crazy wild-eyed scientist who claims to be neutered named Dr. Crygor with a whiny niece named Penny and a robot named Mike, and two Japanese hotties named Kat and Ana.
[edit] Wario's Fight With Clinical Depression
After going through many failed relationships, Wario began to feel hopeless and unloved. He started to experiment with illegal drugs and eventually became addicted to crack. During this time, relationships with his friends and family began to crumble. His video game obsession took over his life and soon all he did all day was play his microgames. He began to neglect his own personal hygiene and he became so disgusting that no one wanted to hang around with him. After seeing a psychologist, Wario was put on zoloft which had the odd side effect of making him a greedy freakin' bastard. Not able to reconcile with his loved ones, Wario moved from his old home in the Mushroom Kingdom to Diamond City, Arkansas where he began a new life and got new friends so that everything was all right and none of the other stuff that happened before mattered. He took to heavy drinking and started the Battle Of Dolphin Island
[edit] Wario's Marriage
Soon Wario met a shiny Froslass named Minerva (she is the same Froslass in Robotnik's sex tape, isn't that obvious), who was working as an exotic dancer at the time. They had been dating at his new home in Diamond City. In January 16, 2008, Wario proposed to Minerva and Minerva consented, which made Wario very happy. They had gotten married in Tbillisi, Georgia, because Minerva was born there. 9 months later, they had Human/Froslass triplets, Jayce, Lepus, and Warriorette. The couple is now living happily in Diamond City and Minerva is pregnant again. By the way, Wario is still obsessed with video games, but limits his intake to one game a day to be with his family.
[edit] Wario Brand Merchandise
- Wario Mass Fat Producer Pills
- Wario Brand Cheeseburgers ("78,000 calories per burger!")
- Wario Brand Diapers ("They don't leak... Really.")
- Wario 'Where's My CHEESE?!?' Board Game
- Wario Brand Money! ("So what if you can't spend it?")
- Wario Brand Shoes ("The pointy ends attract the ladies!")
- Wario Brand Smooth Moves ("For Wario-tastic bowel movements!") (later discontinued as Captain Falcon's Show Me Ya Moves! sold better)
- Wario Brand Fertillity Drugs ("When in doubt, get pregnant!")
- Wario 'Which bitch took-a that-a pizza!?!?!?!!!' cooking set
- The Wario Way: 'How to put on 500 pounds and keep it' instruction booklet and DVD
- Wario cupcakes: more like cake.
- Wario fart pills: never wait in line again, fart all over those bastards.
- Wario Colthes: Comes in sizes from XXXXXXXXXL-XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL
[edit] Quotes from Wario
- "Ah Quadstacker with extra grease, I want you inside me! " - Wario on his only love
- "Screw-a you lady, I came-a for the money!" Wario on rejecting Queen Miranda for a money bag.
- "WAAAAAARIO!"
- "FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"
- "I'm-a such-a fatass-a... Me gotta work out... But first-a, PIZZA BINGE-A!"
- "Bwahahaha"
- "Fuck you Mario"
- "I'm-a so-a beautiful, I-a make-a Paris-a Hilton jealous!"
- "I love you, Minerva, and I'll be that way just for you." - Wario on loving Minerva
- "Everything, even the money is fantasico!"
- "Ima gonna rape your mama in-a your bed" - Wario on your mum
- "I haven't seen my dick in 20 years!" - Wario on the Dr. Phil show special 'Fat fucks on fucking'.
^^ Wario is not a fatass he is just muscular, as seen in the Wikipedia article.
- and yes Kat and Ana are total bitches, just like Princess Peach...why Wario does not just
eat them or something does not make any sense, since we all know that he could totally pwn them...*
[edit] See also
- Dr. Mario
- Dr. Wario
- Yoshi
- Waluigi
- Matt Damon as Wario
[edit] External links
- Wario the Quario - A hit song recorded by DJ Mario
[edit] What Wario has in his future
Wario really has nothing to do in his future, other than steal people's money and get a pension. He might be remebered as the guy that tried to murder Mario or the guy than tried to rape Yoshi. People might also remember that Wario knows where you live.
In his legal will, he plans on having WarioWare, Inc. demolished to make way for a clinic in its place.
Some people might even call Wario the 10th Wonder of the world, after Chyna
