Wario
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“Mom always loved Mario more...”
~ Wario on why he became evil
Wario Wario(A.K.A 7 deadly sins in a fat body) (May 14, 1963 - January 1, 2009) is a golddigger from the gold mines of Nintendoland. Kayne Mest's song "Gold Digger" is based on Wario's life. It has planned to be used on the movie The Lion King, but was then replaced with "The Circle of Life". He has used gold to purchase high tech security for his royal castle in the rural seclusion of where his rivals can't find her. Although he is not queer, hell, he's straight, but he's so fat. He weighs about one metric ton.
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[edit] Early life
Wario was born near Yoshi's Island where his parents dropped him off in hopes that he would be raised by a group of Yoshis. The events of this is chronicled in Yoshi's Island DS. Unfortunately, Wario passed a lot of gas, everywhere, and so (for being an asshole) the Yoshis sold him on eBay for $2.00, with the description calling him 'Willy McToot-Toot's off-spring'. This didn't sell, so Wario became an orphan. Wario lived in the woods, and no creature could come near him because of his spine tingling stench. Wario later found a video game company that would support his desire to become famous and rich. Producing "WarioWare" and other games, Wario found that he had a cousin, also in the video game industry, Mario. Wario became jealous of Mario, and became a crazy drug addict who now lives in L.A. When Wario has a child, he has lived through the time of the Wii. This was when Nintendo has came out with golden age games. And during that period, Wario played many games, and got so addicted that it later became a precursor to Wario's lazy mood. Also, Wario was force-fed a garlic cake from his radio and is now thoroughly addicted. He likes shouting WWWEEEAAA at mario.
He also liked eating live animals and Waluigi. From the age 1-100 he was an estimated 500,000,000,000,000 stone.
Super Mario knew Wario the big fat stupid arsehole from Nintendiversity during the 1960's. Super Mario once almost died when Wario wrestled him. Wario has become lazy aftering getting rich quickly when mining in the gold mine. He is Nintendoland's "most obese supervillian". Bowser, however was number 1 until Wario became a complete lard-ass. Even though people circulate in trivia questions that Neil Armstrong was the first man to go on the moon, Wario was really the first one on there, in fact he farted on the moon.[1]
Wario has worked in the queerest gold mines of Nintendoland. The gold he obtains is usually whopping in value and amuses him like an elephant on Empire State building. Wario has eaten a lot of chocolate brussel sprouts and had to visit the Diamond City dentist seven times since his teeth were weak as a pussy. He ate 16 dentists and counting. In 1980, Wario started a video game company called WarioWare, Inc., which sold video games with high-end tongue-in-cheek humor. Wario was called "WANKER BILL" by many fans of his due to quirky minigames made by WarioWare Inc.
Later, Wario has helped Nintendo build the Revolutiontendo. When Wario completed the prototype, he got lazier since he started to play stupendously thrilling games that amused him. Wario was so lazy, that he wanted to find other BIG FAT ARSE HOLES to play video games with. Prior to the creation of the Revolutiontendo, Wario played a lot of SpongeBob SquarePants.
Wario also co-created the anime series Inuyasha with the Teletubbies in an attempt to make people join the Dark Side. When Wario was getting lazier, he started playing in toy lots, and started vomiting dogs the size of Bullet Bill. Then he worked at Sam`s club.
[edit] Gaming Company
Wario had been trying to kill Mario for 20 years,then when he got drunk,he made a gaming company and hired a Pimp named Jimmy Testicles and his bro Jimmy Penis and hired a whore from a pizza restaurant named Mona the Slut,an alien player named Orbulon,a kewl pimp named 9-Volt and his homie 18-Volt, a swinger named Young Cricket, a bitch named Ashley, two hitmen named Dribble and Spitz, a crazy wild-eyed scientist who claims to be neutered named Dr. Crygor with a whiny niece named Penny and a robot named Mike, and two Japanese hotties named Kat and Ana.
[edit] Wario's Fight With Clinical Depression
After going through many failed relationships, Wario began to feel hopeless and unloved. He started to experiment with illegal drugs and eventually became addicted to crack. During this time, relationships with his friends and family began to crumble. His video game obsession took over his life and soon all he did all day was play his microgames. He began to neglect his own personal hygiene and he became so disgusting that no one wanted to hang around with him. After seeing a psychologist, Wario was put on zoloft which had the odd side effect of making him a greedy freakin' bastard. Not able to reconcile with his loved ones, Wario moved from his old home in the Mushroom Kingdom to Diamond City, Arkansas where he began a new life and got new friends so that everything was all right and none of the other stuff that happened before mattered. He took to heavy drinking and started the Battle Of Dolphin Island
[edit] Wario's Marriage
Soon Wario met a shiny Froslass named Minerva (she is the same Froslass in Robotnik's sex tape, isn't that obvious), who was working as an exotic dancer at the time. They had been dating at his new home in Diamond City. In January 16, 2008, Wario proposed to Minerva and Minerva consented, which made Wario very happy. They had gotten married in Tbillisi, Georgia, because Minerva was born there. 9 months later, they had Human/Froslass triplets, Jayce, Lepus, and Warriorette. The couple is now living happily in Diamond City and Minerva is pregnant again. By the way, Wario is still obsessed with video games, but limits his intake to one game a day to be with his family.
[edit] Wario's Diet
NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!
[edit] Wario Brand Merchandise
- Wario Mass Fat Producer Pills
- Wario Brand Cheeseburgers ("78,000 calories per burger!")
- Wario Brand Diapers ("They don't leak... Really.")
- Wario 'Where's My CHEESE?!?' Board Game
- Wario Brand Money! ("So what if you can't spend it?")
- Wario Brand Shoes ("The pointy ends attract the ladies!")
- Wario Brand Smooth Moves ("For Wario-tastic bowel movements!") (later discontinued as Captain Falcon's Show Me Ya Moves! sold better)
- Wario Brand Fertillity Drugs ("When in doubt, get pregnant!")
- Wario 'Which bitch took-a that-a pizza!?!?!?!!!' cooking set
- The Wario Way: 'How to put on 500 pounds and keep it' instruction booklet and DVD
- Extra mega sized super greasy burger burrito (Now w/only 20,000,000.1 calories!)
[edit] Quotes from Fatass
- "WAAAAAARIO!"
- "FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"
- "Bwahahaha"
- "Fuck you Mario"...desu
- "Everything, even the money is fantasico!"
- "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"
- "WaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrioFFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRTTTTTTT!!!!!
- "What-a the fuck-a?"
[edit] Wario's favorite foods
- Dolphin fetuses
- Garlic
- Nacho cheese dipped midgets
- soggy turd sandwiches
- Cheesy poofs
- Baked Beans,Egg and Mario dipped in chocolate subs
- Kitten burgers
[edit] Wario's Death. (Yes, He Died Also...)
One Day, Wario logged into youtube and was commenting on how he literally shit himself when the AVGN popped out and yelled "ASS!" in his Nintendo Power episode. Then his stomach growled, so he got up and headed for his fridge, but stopped when he heard a kitten meow at the door. So he waddled over to the door and opened it. He thought of making kitten burgers out of it, but then he remembered an article he read on kitten huffing. He grabbed the cute little ORANGE Kitten and brought him over to his cutting board. He huffed all of the little guy's soul he could. Then he obtained an addiction. He died on October 10th 2009 because of to many Orange kittens. (They fuck you up GOOD!) Im not dead you fatso...idiots.
[edit] Headline text
[edit] See also
- Dr. Mario
- Yoshi
- Waluigi
- Matt Damon as Wario
- Luigi
