War

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“War... War never changes. ”

~ Voice over man from Fallout on War

“War is like going to the toilet drunk. You go in, shit all over everything, then leave it for everyone else to clear up. ”

~ The guy with the blonde highlight

The beauty of war.^[1]

War is a behavior pattern exhibited by many primate species including humans, and also found in many ant species.^[2] The primary goal of war is to gain dominance over the opposing side by directly killing, or indirectly causing the death of as many of the enemy's subordinates as possible, until all hostile forces have surrendered. However, the obvious purpose of war is to reestablish a natural balance between certain groups within both opposing sides.

edit Causes of War

War has numerous causes. A number of them are listed below.

• He insulted my mother!
• What? They have bigger dicks? Bomb them!!!
• HAHA, they have smaller dicks. Bomb them.
• Not enough gram crackers to make S'mores
• Religion
• Political ideology
• Manifest Destiny
• Nuclear weapons
• Oil
• The masculine desire to kick some ass.
• Helen^[3]
• Chaos
• Civil Unrest
• Morals
• Conflict
• Verbal Statements
• U.N. not minding their own damn business
• A shot heard around the world
• Assassinations
• Revolution
• Too much government control
• Too little government control
• Anything ran by the state
• Anything containing the words Socialist, Workers, Labour, or Union
• Media outlets leaving out the truth
• Media outlets speaking the truth
• Accidents
• Wiki-Leaks
• Society
• "State's rights"
• Boredom
• The love of fighting
• The love of not fighting
• What does this button do?
• Weapons
• On the nuclear launch box, the button "Launch" is right next to the button "Lunch"
• Maniacs
• You sank my battleship!
• The action of masturbation
• Stripers

edit Etymology

"War" is derived from Frankish *werra, which means "to bring about fundamental change."^[4] The Latin word for war, bellum, literally means "that which is beautiful."^[5] "Ares", the name given to the Greek personification of war and bloodshed, literally means "necessary destruction."^[6]

edit History of war

Before the dawn of history war mainly consisted of small-scale raiding, enhancing the competitiveness among neighboring tribes. As large agricultural civilizations developed, major wars started occurring more often with armies becoming increasingly organized.

A noble human fighting one fucking ugly Neanderthal.

edit Human-Neanderthal Wars

Humans decided to slaughter the Neanderthals because they smelled and talked funny. A couple Neanderthals were also raped, thus enriching the human gene pool and giving rise to redheads.

edit Trojan War

The Trojans were slaughtered because they stole a Spartan chick. The Trojans also proved themselves to be of a very dupable nature, even bordering on stupidity, when they rolled the Trojan Horse into their city.

Leonidas, king of Sparta, slicing off the head of one fucking ugly Persian.

edit Greco-Persian Wars

The Persians were slaughtered, and would have been slaughtered more efficiently if not for the betrayal of Ephialtes, who was rightfully hunted down and stabbed to death after the war. Athens was burned too. Sparta is fine though.

edit Macedonian Conquests

Non-Macedonian Greeks, Persians and Indians were slaughtered. Alexander the Great conquers tons of land but dies of toothache.

edit Roman Conquests

Non-Roman people were slaughtered.

edit Hunnic Invasions

Non-Hunnic people were slaughtered.

edit Mongol Invasions

Non-Mongol people were slaughtered.

edit Muslim Conquests

Non-Muslims were slaughtered.

Except the ones that run into buildings shouting loo loooo loooo I blow up me and you!!!.

edit Crusades

Following the Muslim's invention of Algebra, the European's said "Screw this" and decided to go kill the Muslims instead of doing their stupid homework.

edit European Colonization of the Americas

Non-European people were slaughtered. The U.N. condemned the genocide ineffectually.

edit American Revolutionary War

A lot of people were slaughtered. British People were teabagged after death in response to our American Tea Party. It is generally thought that the wrong side won (see War of Colonial Aggression).

edit Napoleonic Wars

France almost conquered the world! Luckily, Napoleon was stupid enough to attack Russia during the fall of winter, and concisely had his ass kicked. Some Europeans also died in the process.

edit American Civil War

Americans disagree about whether keeping niggas on their property should be legal and start killing each other.

edit The Alamo

A bunch of Texans and Mexicans died over an abandoned church. They couldn't decide who had the reservation for the Taco party on that day.

edit World War I

A lot of young men were slaughtered because everyone blamed Imperial Germany for starting the war when it was Serbian terrorists with aid by the Serbian Government who assassinated the Archduke and his pregnant wife which everyone forgets about to this day. So in other words Germany was defending an ally by rightfully punishing the nation for the murders.

edit World War II

A lot of people were slaughtered, first mostly Jews and later on the Germans as well. Hitler was stupid enough to repeat Napoleon's mistake and had his ass kicked even more thoroughly than Napoleon.

edit Post-World War II

Recent improvements in the technologies of war have massively increased its potential destructiveness. Public concern has thus far forestalled a nuclear World War III, though for how long remains to be seen. Albert Einstein famously stated, "I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."^[7]

edit Cold War

Nothing but several Soviet weapons and vehicles gathering dust which drained the Soviet Union's economy, causing their imminent collapse in the early 1990's, and stupid diplomats too lazy to go and measure the other's dick. The outcome was America won without firing a shot.

edit Arab/Israeli War

Let's just say the Jewish people pretty much kicked the Arab's asses when the odds were heavily against them and still kick their asses today. The Israeli people maintain a long tradition of few, but well equipped and trained soldiers... And one really BA soldier named God. (America)

edit Korean War

Lots of Communist North Koreans died with American and South GOOD GUY Korean forces bringing the war to a stalemate since China got nosy.

edit Vietnam War

America armed with the best weapons available fought a bunch of jungle people, and got their asses handed to them on a plate. Lets just say the liberal media won us the war and good tactics of sending ill-equipped draftees blindly into jungles pretty much sums it up (sarcasm).

edit Gulf War

America pretty much annihilated Saddam's Republican Army especially their handmedown Soviet T-72 tanks with the good old M1 Abrams and war addicted American spirit.

edit Gulf War II

America made a load of bullshit up to invade fucked-up countries for their oil. This resulted in the countries becoming even more fucked up, the war continues today while america continues to horde millions of barrels of Oil :) the joy of global economics.

edit Guild Wars

Some people throwing paper and crayons at each other for a seemingly unending amount of time. This conflict is still ongoing.

edit Console Wars

Still ongoing. SEGA didn't survive along with SONY years later.

edit American Civil War II: The Rebellion Strikes Back

Scheduled to come around 2011 due to the failing economy, Federal government over spending and higher taxes. All history can say is sit back and see what happens! The South will rise again!!

And sometimes on planets too!

edit Star Wars

A bunch of people got slaughtered in space. The war between Sith (AKA shit) against the peaceful dudes with glowing swords, and weird alien thing with ass faces.

edit Morality of wars

edit Effects of war

edit On soldiers

They die. Or live long productive lives.

edit On civilians

They die. They suffer. Often in that order.

edit On the economy

If you lose, it'll die 'cause you spent all your money trying to win.

If you win, it'll die anyway 'cause you spent more fighting than you gained winning.

edit See also

• Glory
• Humiliation
• Whimpiness

edit Footnotes

The Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse Pestilence - War - Death - Famine