Waluigi
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Waluigi Eugene Fuglifier is an exceptionally unpopular video game character. He is best known for his fugliness and twigginess in the Mario franchise of video games. In 2007, in a worldwide survey conducted by Gamefags (whoopsie daisy, it's actually Gamefaqs), Waluigi was found to be the most fugly, and annoying Mario character, narrowly beating Donkey Kong as the most hated character of all time.
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[edit] Birth and Childhood
Waluigi was born in 1965 to a fugly whaler and his even fuglier wife. His brain was permanently damaged after being dropped on his head multiple times (resulting in his tall stature). Waluigi developed mentally much slower than most children, his growth far surpassed, reaching a height of six feet tall by age 9. He began growing facial hair at age 11, and now sports a very unattractive handlebar-mustache. He bears an uncanny resemblance to his fugly uncle Dick. Interestingly, his "father" was chasing Moby Dick at the time of Waluigi's conception.
Waluigi was a very poor student who consistently reeled in F's from his classes. However, his academic career was ended at age 12 when he was suspended from the Mushroom Kingdom Primary School for vandalism. During his suspension he started drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and grew even fuglier. it is said it was at this time his nose began to resemble a rotten, wilted carrot and his ears began looking like bunny-ears. He also started wearing blue make-up around his eyes around this time. The PBR made him quit eating and he grew even twiggier, and thus he started wearing robin hood slippers.
[edit] Performing Career
After that, he dropped out of school. He worked at a local muffler shop for most of his life. In his spare time (which he had a lot of due to the fact that he is fugly, has a dead, rotten carrot hanging off his face, and has absolutely no life or friends other than PBR beer) decided to apply to to become a video game character, after finding an opportunity in the video game industry. The Mario series hired Waluigi onto one of its games for the sole purpose of being an antagonist, and for a character for everybody to hate (next to Donkey Kong) in the late November of 2000. Waluigi was instantly hated by fans, and game sales rose 24% in 2001, for the sole purpose of people wanting to kick his ass. He was also hated for his stupid-assed name.
Soon after, Nintendo decided to add him to the Mario Kart line of games due to their "aggressive" nature. The Mario Kart fans loved beating the shit out of him with turtle shells and bombs so much that Nintendo decided to add him (along with Donkey Kong for the same reason) to all of the fallowing Mario Kart games.
[edit] Physical Traits and Abilities
Waluigi is known for being the fugliest Mario character at 7'3". His face is triangular and unattractive (you've probably already had to vomit from viewing his picture). He is very thin and suffers from Anorexia Nervosa. He is also extremely annoying and talks out of his wilted carrot. In an interview with Fugly Mustaches Monthly magazine, Waluigi claimed that he ate "nothing" and that his diet generally consisted of "Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer".
Despite his lack of a banana, Waluigi openly admits to being a virgin. "I'm too foogly, no girl will ever do me" Waluigi has said regarding the matter.
Waluigi can give himself head and says he does so "whenever I get a spare minute". Due to the length of his twig body, Waluigi also possesses the unique ability to have sex with himself.
[edit] Future Prospects
Waluigi has no life goals before he passes away. His aspirations include drinking PBR, smoking cigarettes, watching NASCAR, and smoking pot.
[edit] Death
Waluigi died while looking into a mirror. His face was so fugly that it shattered the mirror and a large shard of glass fell and sliced his twig neck in half.
The world responded with a celebration and everyone was invited to his death place to spit on his fugly dead body
[edit] Famous Quotes about/by Waluigi
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
"Kill ya later"
"ooooooowwwwwwwww quack quack"
"PBR: Nectar of the Gods"
"Owowowowow"
"Damn Kids"
"HOE"
"I'm not foogly"
"foog you"
"who's the cawit?"
