Waluigi
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“He's a clone, I tell you! A CLONE!!!!!”
~ Dick Dastardly on Waluigi
“He's the greatest singer ever!”
~ Waluigi on Bret Michaels
“How original!”
~ luigi on Waluigi
Waluigi A. Weena (July 21, 1395 - March 16, 2051) is one of the most popular and original Nintendo characters in existence today, despite the fact he looks a bit like Santa Clause in person. His conception came about when Nintendo chose him to be one of their new mascots, narrowly beating competitors Wapeach and Wayoshi. Waluigi means “dirty” or “horny” Luigi, perhaps suggesting the new Nintendo generation to reproduce as quickly as possible due to influence by 3D models ( for more info see Paris Hilton (person)). Waluigi himself is some kind of sex pest. He appears to be Wario’s younger brother, although the FBI investigation into this is still pending. Waluigi is actually voiced by a child with severe Down Syndrome. As of January 42nd of the year 2067 A.D. Waluigi has been officially recognized by Chuck Norris, the Ultimate Religious Authority (URA), to be the 816th coming of Jesus Christ.
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[edit] Appearances
Waluigi has appeared in almost every Mario game, except the good ones. When he does appear, it is usually in conjunction with Wario the Quario. Waluigi has a gay older brother and two transexual sisters and lesbian parents. His mom and other mom were hookers in russia and meet at a swingers club in china. Waluigis childhood was fucked up. He remembers being raped and butt fucked by mario and luigi. he meet wario in high school and they began to hangout daily. TMZ has reported seeing wario and waluigi kissing on new years eve.
Waluigi first appeared in Tetris, masquerading as the "J" shaped block (incidentally, this is why his hat has an upside-down “L” on it).
Numerous entries into Nintendo games followed. His first major role came in Mario Tennis on the Nintendo 64 and the success was overwhelming. Starring roles in Mario Football, Mario Baseball, Mario, Please Bang My Wife! and Mario Does Dallas followed.
Not all Waluigi appearances have been playable ones. In Mario 64, one of the rocks on level 13, to quote an expert looks “kind of like it could be Waluigi”.
Waluigi has appeared in several melodramas as the evil landlord. Most famously known for his performance in "The Plumber who Paid the Rent", which also featured Peach, Toad and Madge Bellamy.
Some souls claim that Waluigi is not in fact an incredibly poor fictional character but an incredibly poor real person. Sightings of Waluigi began way back in 1611 and continue to this day. Waluigi’s face has been seen on the moon. Neil Armstrong’s full speech when he and Edwin Aldrin landed on the moon with Apollo 11 follows: “that’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. . . HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT, its Waluigi!” In addition to this, several pork rinds resembling Waluigi’s face have been found in both Boston and Tibet. Considering he has lives like mario, meaning he lives for eternity, you could possibly see him today. And you'll probably whale a rock at him and call him the douche he is.
Waluigi enjoyed the starring role in hit Nintendo DS game, Waluigi's Taco Stand.
[edit] Other Waluigi Brands
Waluigi's Taco Stand When the Waluigi name was at its zenith, Nintendo made several forays of varying success into other brands. What follows is a list of the most popular kinds:
- Waluigi Brand Pregnancy Test (Blue means no, purple means you’ve ruined your existance!)
- Waluigi Brand Tampons (Waluigi says: “Stop bleeding, fucker!”)
- Waluigi Brand Condoms (They MIGHT work, you never know!)
- Waluigi Brand Impact-Triggered Parachutes
- Waluigi Brand Ebola Virus (Dr. Mario's worst nightmare)
- WaluWEENIES
- Waluigi Brand Squeegies (Don't you want me to wash you?)
- Waluigi Brand Military Trucks
- Waluigi Brand Helicopter Gunships
- Waluigi Brand Go-karts
- Waluigi Brand Red Yoshis With Egg Bombs
- Waluigi Brand Sex Toys ("They look like my nose!")
- WaLUBEigi ("To fit into those real tight ones!")
- Waluigi Brand Dildos
- Waluigi Brand Vibrators (Also looks my nose,except I'm sneezing!)
- Waluigi Brand Energy Drinks ("Can you guess where it cummed from?")
- Waluigi Brand Porn
- Waluigi Brand Mini-Waluigi toys
- Walumart Thrift Chain
- Waluigi Brand Barf Bags (Come on!Puke in my mouth!)
Note: Unfortunately, the Waluigi Brand proved more popular than even Nintendo could have foreseen. The result was the much publicized Waluigi Merchandising Crisis of 1939 (completely overshadowing the petty squabbles of World War II).wario butt fucks waluigi daily. they have a porn tape coming out soon called mushroom kingdom hoes.
[edit] Waluigi as a politician
In the past, Waluigi has ran for senator of Canada and Ethiopia (with a plan of bringing N64's to underprivileged children), but lost the race to Lucky the Leprechaun after he was discovered stealing medicine from a children's AIDS clinic. He later ran for president of the Waluigi fan club, but he lost that race to Rosie O'Donnell.
[edit] Waluigi Political controversies
When he first came onto the sceen Waluigi was immediately criticized by the relgious right as an attempt to turn kids gay. Jerry Fallwell went on record saying "If the young boys of our country play a videogame with this repulsive character it won't be long before they start stealing their mothers underwear, beating each other off and sneaking down to the docks looking for rough trade. I myself have trouble looking at that sleek, supple body and sexy pencil mustache without suddenly wanting to have a massive cock rammed into my mouth." Waluigi responded to Falwell in a press conference by saying "WAAAAAAAAAAALUIGI!"
[edit] Notes on Waluigi
- Waluigi was supposed have a game called Waluigi's mansion, however he got drunk the day before and the makers gave the role to Luigi.
[edit] Common Waluigi Quotes
- "WAAAAAAAAAAALUIGI!"
- Can I rim you with my nose?
- Where's my game?
- I can't believe I'm still a Virgin.
- Nyeaaah
[edit] Death
Shot by James Bond in a movie accident while he was acting. Waluigi pressed continue however. In which case, James shot him again, and so on, into a nearly endless loop, until Bond broke his wrist. Waluigi was soon brought to an extreme hospital for treatment on his thousands of bullet holes. What they didn't know was that the (until then, straight) doctor who was operating on him had a sex crush on him. This doctor brutally raped Waluigi up the ass for 2 hours straight. Waluigi died of Aids and intense bleeding from the asshole. Three days after his funeral Wario and Bowser went to the cave where Waluigi was buried planning to search his pockets for coins, only to find the boulder in front of it moved aside and the tomb empty.
