Walt Disney

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search

You never call me anymore

~ Hitler on Walt Disney

It is so true and scientificly proven that walt disneys last words were DAMN JEWS.Walt "Fluffy" Disney was the creator of the 19th Century Children's game "Jew Who?" and American ambassador for Nazi Germany. His animated propaganda cartoons are believed to have shortened World War II by seven minutes. Inventor of the animated cartoon, the theme park, vaseline and the concentration camp, Walt Disney is considered by many to be the Father of the 20th Century and inventor of Evil. Walt Disney was also a anti-semetic Jew. He was also a fascist in his spare time. Disney will attend the People to People Ambassador Program in 2009 at Harvard University and is also frozen under the Pirates of the Carribean. You know the dead pirate in the water, thats him. It is believed that him and Alex Garrett robbed a series of banks before he tragically shot down in the style of Bonnie and Clyde. Whenever Walt created a cartoon, he tried to make it with the best possible quality and perfection. Using his 12 foot wide Chode.


Contents

[edit] Early Career

Oswald the Pox-Infested Ostrich

Demobilized in the early 1920s, Disney returned to Iowa and started his first business venture, TerrifiKKK Times - a newspaper for the KKK. He is said to have invented the saying "The only good nigguh is a dead nigguh." Please note: Disney recently stated that, "Racial slurs are naughty owchies mean people are silly billys and should swim in the creamed panty wanties, mumma come hold my hand." In 1929 Disney was forced to flee Iowa due to boredom. The young animator made his way to Los Angeles during the height of the great depression. He soon made a fortune staging underground cage-fights, in which homeless men fought to the death for a bowl of soup, while jaded Hollywood starlets placed bets on the outcome, frigged themselves, and read F. Scott Fitzgerald novels. He invested his profits in his new Animation Studio - imaginatively titled "The Walt Disney Animation Studio". No ego problems, then. His first cartoon, "Homeless Hobos fighting to the Death in a Cage" was poorly received. It was then that he decided to develop lighter subject matter. Walt's first animated feature film was "Snow White and the Seven Studs", his most successful work. It was later retitled "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs", and the scenes of brutal non-consensual group sex were removed, much to the chagrin of his sweatier fans. Sadly, the cut footage has been lost to time. Accounts vary, but the original film is said to have been over twelve hours long.

[edit] The Golden Years

Disney's best film since The Godfather.

Almost immediately Disney began production on a new series of cartoons based on a character that was destined to be famous the world over: Popeye.In 1938 Disney won two Academy Awards for his animated shorts Kill-Crazy Jews Will Rape Your Girl, and I Wish I Had A Moustache, MR Hilter. He accepted both awards wearing nothing but a sequined cape, thong, a matching garter belt, and the head of a thousand slaughtered mice on his chest. When outraged Hollywood gossip columnist Cybmaline LaMour gasped in horror, Disney's famous retort put her to shame, and landed him a place in Bartlett's:

He is said to have based the character of Mickey Mouse on a tumorous growth on his left testicle. was because Subsequently removed, the tumour is preserved in a jar of formaldehyde in the main studio lot in Burbank, California. Curiously, it is said to be still growing, and needs a larger jar every six or seven years; the man changing the jars has no money and lives in a cardboard box, in the facility. He is in ill medical conditions, reportedly for having a liking of licking the tumor on the bottle-changing event. He apparently is oblivious to the mouse-like thingy's procedence. Or is he?

[edit] Crisis & Redemption

The start of World War II ended Disney's string of gay men. Labour troubles forced him to fire all his workers and start a third company: the "I'm Walt Disney And All You Can Go To Hell" studio. By sending groups of prostitutes dressed in cartoon-animal costumes to the Pentagon where they freely distributed handjobs, Disney secured an important contract producing animated propaganda shorts. Some of these, such as Let's Kill All The Japs and Filthy Krauts, were later collected and edited into the first post-war feature-length cartoon, How We Kicked Ass And Won The War, a winner of the 1947 Academy Award for Best Documentary.

Walt Disney's Castle

[edit] Cannibalism

It is not clear when Walt developed his taste for human flesh. Toynbee, the Great Historian, suggests that it was during the heyday of the Great Depression, when "Long Pig" was sold openly in Hollywood Farmer's markets. Whatever the truth may be, Disney kept a well stocked larder, and had a full time chef ready to prepare meals of "the forbidden fruit", at all times of the day or night. Disney adopted at least 50 children from the Third World over his lifetime. Unpleasant rumours about their disappearance continue to circulate, although these have been denied by the Official Court Biographer, Aloutious Dink. Because Walt Disney was a cannibal he ate Michael Jackson in 1996 that is why his son Tim Jackson was never born."There is nothing sinister about this. The children got homesick, and Walt flew them back to China, or Thailand, or India, or whatever hellhole they crawled out of. When's lunch? I could murder a curry!"

[edit] Sex Life

Walt's hatred of Fidel Castro has been well documented. What is less well known is that both men had been lovers in pre-revolutionary Cuba. Walt is said to have considered abandoning his wife (Marilyn Monroe) in order to obtain a sex change operation. It has even been suggested that Walt seriously considered shaving off his mustache, in order to "play the woman". However, this romantic idyll was not to be. Heartbroken by Fidel's overthrow of the Batista regime, Walt swore never to rest until the hairy Latin was made to kneel at his feet, so to speak. Sexually, Walt was something of an omnivore. "Animal, Mineral or Vegetable" was his motto. As a young man he had been shy and awkward, due to a vestigial tail. Once he had the tail surgically removed, his libido blossomed. He is said to have contracted seventeen different venereal diseases, and to have invented six or seven new ones. Danny Kaye described Disney as "The best lover I ever had. He had a horn that just wouldn't stop." The persistent rumor that Walt had President Kennedy's severed genitalia pickled in a jar are unverified, and cannot be regarded as trustworthy.

[edit] Yup, he's dead, accept the fact!

Disney's death was long believed to be the result having sex 210 times a day, remaining a VIRGIN. More recent evidence strongly suggests that he was murdered. A deathbed confession by the "Nine Old Men" has surfaced, in which they confess to poisoning their tyrannical overlord. It seems that they could take no more of his wide eyed, tyrannical lectures about State's Rights, Richard Nixon, and Ayn Rand. Milt Kahl's confession was especially poignant. He admitted to holding Disney down by the shoulders while Woolie Reitherman stuffed a dirty rag in Walt's mouth to keep him from screaming. Then they broke his skull with a 16 field animation disk. His head is currently cryogenically preserved in the Burbank Lot, next to his long time mentor, Joseph McCarthy. Disney imagineers in North Hollywood are working, to this day, on a method to resurrect the Dark Prince. Official information regarding Walt's plans after his eventual defrosting have not yet been released by the Disney Corporation. However, an important document was leaked that detailed Walt's plan to be defrosted on New Years Eve 2082, alongside the career of Robin Williams (which was frozen with him). Others say that he was frozen in hell, just like Han Solo, because he was afraid of jews.

[edit] Controversies

Walt Disney has been criticised for using blatant subliminal imagery in order to indoctrinate children. The most notorious example was the insertion, for one frame, of the text message "Hitler had some good ideas" in the 1963 musical "Death, Dance With Me". Undaunted by the furore, Walt followed up the message with a second one in "You Got a Purdy Mouth" (a comedy set in the deep south, starring Peter O Toole and Vivian leigh). This time, the message was "Lets Run the Trains on Time".Some more really discussed controveries include things such as the word "SEX" appearing in dust clouds in The Lion King, Aladdin saying "good teenagers take off your clothes" to Rajah the tiger, the two frames of a topless girl during the flight scene in The Rescuers, and a castle in The Little Mermaid that looks like a giant PENIS! It's true! And get this! In that same film, the priest, who's wedding Prince Eric and "Vanasa", when he says "Dearly beloved", HE HAS A BIG ONE!!!!!!!!!It is thought that the sex was actually supposed to be "SFX" (Sound effects, a tribute to the fx editors) and it is rumored that the guy who inserted the penis was mad at Disney and was about to be fired, but we all know that BOTH of these things were inserted as pornography. Also, in The Lion King Simba (*cough* Kimba *cough*) and Nala were cousins because in this "classic" (*cough* chessy feel-good rip-off of Kimba *cough*), the only male lion other than Simba (KIMBA! GOD!) and Mufasa is Scar.The same thing is in Bambi, in the novel Bambi, A Life in Smoking Pot Bambi and Daline were cousins.Yeah, I know!EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!LOL!!!!!!!

In 1976, ten years after his death and a year after the House Un-American Activities Committee was dissolved, Disney testified that "The Commie's have turned Santa into nothing more than a Western Imperialist Ideology formulated to manipulate and control offspring into doing the will of the fascist adult institutions. Damnit! That's my job!." The Committee subsequently granted him full and complete control over all Saturday morning cartons and at his bequest subpoenaed Mr. Robinson, Captain Kangaroo and Miss Nancy from Romper Room.

Several celebrities refuse to work with Disney until Jim Henson is freed from the Disney Vault.

[edit] Famous Disney Films

Disney films are known for their extreme sex and violence, and are therefore not recommended for children.

WARNING! Proceed with caution!

  • Steamboat Nazi
  • Disney's Manos: The Hands of Fate
  • The Loin Cloth King
  • Edward Penishands
  • Hannah from Montana
  • Mickey Mouse commits fornication
  • The Cum-Splash Of Notre Dame
  • CUM squirts Blood
  • Walt's Funniest Home Video's: THE MOVIE
  • The White House gets invaded
  • The Mongoloid and the M.S. Patient
  • Happy Birthday Jesus: The Story of Inferiority
  • Bowling For Columbine II: Heston Strikes Back
  • Disney Presents PIXAR
  • Disney Presents PIXAR
  • Disney Presents PIXAR
  • Disney Presents Disney Presenting Pixar
  • Disney's Give us Your Children's Minds.
  • Disney's Where on Earth is Rick Moranis? THE MOVIE
  • The Mickey Mouse Sept. 11th, 2001 Spectacular-Christmas-Light-Show-Extravaganza!
  • Dr. Disney or: How I learned to stop pondering and love Chryogenetically Frozen heads
  • Honey, I shrunk our daughter with a louieville slugger for meeting a negro at school
  • Disney's The Birth Of A Nation
  • Zeig Heil! The Walt Disney Story.
  • The Mongoloid on Ice
  • Princess Paki and the King Ji-had Toad
  • Disney's Eraserhead and the chamber of Pedophiliac Rabbits
  • Roger Moore Rabbit
  • Disney's The Zionist-Time Machine
  • Faces Of Death
  • Disney Presents The D-List
  • Disney Presents Election '08
  • Disney's Race to Space! or: How we learned to defeat the Reds.
  • Disney's 2001: A Space Oddissey or: How we learned to accept Mickey Mouse as our shower curtain
  • Disney's Scrooge McDuck Hassels a Corporate Kike
  • Disney's Razor-Dildo Princess finds Neverland Ranch
  • Disney's Bill O'Reilly on Ice
  • Disney's Johnny Got his Gun
  • Disney's Spooky LSD Halloween Special
  • Disney's Incestual Rabbit knocks up Grandma Bunny
  • Disney's Real Life Autopsy
  • Disney's The Sopranos
  • Disney's Pre-mature ejaculation: The movie
  • Disney's Tupac Ressurection
  • Disney's 1984
  • Disney's Pongo Bear touches the cubs
  • Disney's Philadelphia
  • Disney's Sick Disney Scary-Tales
  • Aristocraps
  • Disney's Movie
  • Disney's Movie Movie Disney
  • Disney's Magical Mystery Tour
  • Disney's Great Heroin Addiction
  • Disney's Daffy Duck meets Charles Manson
  • Disney's World Peace Impossible: The Musical
  • Disney's Nixon and the Watergate
  • High On Drugs Musical
  • The Shagging Dog
  • Boner's Fantasia
  • Fantasia 3000
  • Alice in Wonderbra
  • Alice in Underpants
  • Atlantits: We Lost the Empire
  • Beauti And The Bitchiness
  • A very Ted Bundy Christmas
  • Vegas Vacation
  • Romper Stomper
  • Lady on Top of the Tramp
  • Song in the Nigger Town
  • Piss's Dragon
  • Peter Pantsed
  • The Fox and that Hounddog
  • James and the Giant Bitch
  • Sleeping Booty
  • Sinnederella
  • Cannibal Holocaust
  • James and the Giant Spliff
  • Boneward Hound
  • Bars
  • Rimjobs, Inc.
  • Carnival Rats on Your Ass
  • Southern-Accent Racist Stereotypical Panthers
  • The Hobbit: Marijuana
  • A Kiss Mah Ass Carol
  • The Many Adventures Of Winnie the Pooped
  • That Disney Movie that went directly to DVD
  • The Nightmare After Christmas
  • Treasure Butt Planet
  • Swish Family Robinson
  • 101 Felations
  • Cums the Robinsons
  • An Immensely Unnecesary Disney Sequel
  • 101 Damnations in Heat
  • 102 Damnations in Heat
  • Flubbin' Her
  • The Absent-Minded Prostitute
  • Cherry Poppins
  • Dairy Toppins
  • Old Felcher
  • Hitler: A Love Story
  • Pearl Necklace
  • Robin 'N Da Hood
  • Honey, I Molested the Kid
  • Another Damn Disney Movie
  • The Lyin' King
  • Pocahotass
  • Pocahotass 2: Welcome to her World
  • Freaky Fucked Up Friday!
  • Yet Another Fucking Disney Movie
  • Who Molested Roger Rabbit?
  • MXP: Most Xtreme Pieceofshit
  • The Emperor's Gay Grove
  • The Emperor's Page Moved
  • The Hunchback Of Notre-Damn It
  • Piglet's Big Ass Movie
  • Butt Pirates Of The Caribbean
  • Porn stars of the Caribbean
  • Ass Pirates of The Caribbean
  • Saw
  • Lilo on Top of Stitch
  • One More Disney Movie For The Record
  • Lilo on Top of Stitch 2: Lilo Gave Stitch a Glitch
  • Homo on the Range
  • The Little Merdude
  • 101 Fellations
  • Harry Potter and The Golden Dildo
  • Rata-sued-me
  • Sex Story
  • The Rescuers Down Under Your Ass
  • Finding Emo
  • School of Cock
  • What's in Jayne Mansfield's Hat Box
  • Dieting with Robert Reed
  • Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Whores Concert
  • Easy Meals with Jeffrey Dahmer
  • 101 Steps to the Perfect Fuck
  • Horton Fears the Jews
  • Aqua Teen Hunger Force
  • Your Mom the Tramp
  • The Sound of Farting
  • Camp Cock
  • Hostel
  • Charles Manson: Not so bad?
  • Disney's How the Dick stole christmas
  • Disney's M.Nyght Shymalan's "Twist" Animated Short
  • CUM squirts Blood II: The Blood Origy
  • Dr.Criminally-Insane Examines your zipper
  • The Tale of the Birds and the Bees
  • Disney's John Wayne Lives
  • CUM squirts Blood III: The Return Of The Corpse of Mickey Mouse
  • Disney's White is Right and Black(crack) is whack
  • Disney's The Last Smart Cripple On Earth
  • Disney's The Game Of Life(2019)
  • Disney's Monopoly Money (2025)
  • The Jews In My Home
  • South Park
  • CUM squirts Blood 50th Anniversary- M.Mouse Edition(DVD)
  • The Enchanted Nipples
  • The Enchanted 2its
  • Another Shitty Disney Movie
  • Shit, Where's My Bitch?
  • Winnie the Prostitute
  • Winehouse The Pooh
  • Who fucked Roger Rabbit?
  • Disney Presents: Disney's Dead: The Final Chapter (2087)
  • Barfingly Disgusting Hell ChiwaWhy Did We Make This Movie?
  • What would life be without a shitty disney sequal?: THE MOVIE
  • Disney - Out-living the Cockroach
  • Peter Pan 9: Michael Jackson visits Neverland
  • Bambi & the 500mph Racecar
  • Peter Pan 10: The Final Chapter (Peter final grows-up...)
  • It's a small world: THE MOVIE in 3D (Box Office Failure. Put Disney in the red for the first time in history)
  • Jungle Cruise: THE MOVIE (Failure)
  • The Enchanted Tiki Room: THE MOVIE in 3D (Failure, again)
  • Big Thunder Mountain: THE MOVIE (one might find a roller coaster based disney film interesting, but the story revolves around a boring ghost-town where nothing happens. Failure Again)
  • Space Mountain: THE MOVIE in 3D (Banned from theaters on a global scale due to mass outbreaks of nausea and vomiting on it's red-carpet release. All copies where burned, causing angry mobbs of fans who had been waiting years for space mountain to hit the big screen, as to avoid the life-time-long lines of the actual ride. Resault: Failure)
  • Mission Space: THE MOVIE (Also banned from theaters after half the audience threw up/died from the excessive centrifugal forces exerted on the small, claustrophobia-causing theater)
  • Great Moments with Mr.Lincon: THE MOVIE (failed due to lack of public interest in someone who has been dead for 8,000 years)
  • Peter Pan 11: Peter decides he is still hasn't grown up and returns to neverland (when it comes down to the cold-hard facts, no disney movie dubbed "The Final Chapter" is ever the last sequal)
  • Walt Disney: The Untold story of the Real Hitler
  • Bent on World Domination: Walt Disney's Dream
  • Mickey Mouse: The Case of the missing Condom Gloves
  • Mickey Mouse Vs God: The Final Showdown (Not at all, really)
  • Spider Riders

[edit] Famous Television Series

  • The Taming of the Jew
  • Sasha & Maliah buy a puppy
  • The New Adventures of Suzzie Jailbait and her 3 strangers
  • Teamo Supremoly Gay
  • Mannah Hontanna, Teen Hooker
  • Carnival Dead Hookers: The Series
  • Jap Panthers Show
  • Me so very happy happy Jappy Japanese Hour!
  • Lindsay Lohan Digs The Lines
  • Daddy'a Little Corporate Super Brat
  • Daddy's Little Corporate Super Brat 2
  • The Bud Dwyer Suicide Hour
  • Real Time with Bill Maher
  • 101 Dalmations In Heat: The Series
  • Higglytown Homo's (1980-1987/co-production with Hanna-Barbara)
  • The Mickey Mouse Kiddy (Porn) Hour
  • Fucktales (1993-1999)
  • Ducktitties (1987-2005)
  • Chip and Dale's Pokemon Rangers (1989-1999)
  • Talespin Into The Ocean (1996-1997/co-production with Hanna-Barbara)
  • Darwing Drunk
  • Dillmore!
  • David and his tiny Penis
  • Dumbfuck Mountains
  • The Hills Are Over There
  • I'm SmaaRtT!!!
  • Shit Life of Zack and Cody
  • Shit Life on Dick
  • Squiggles The Deadly Communist
  • Brandy & Mr. Multiply
  • The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooped (1988/(1988/co-production with Hanna-Barbara)
  • So Weirds
  • Lizzie McFucker
  • Sabrina: The Teenage Bitch
  • Sabrina's Slutty Secret Life
  • The Buzz in Maggie
  • Jerry's Kid's Club presents: DanceDance Live!
  • Recass
  • Pepper Goddamn Ann
  • Tia & Fuckany
  • Brothergays
  • Lilo on Stitch: The Series
  • Kim Dickable
  • Phil of the Dickhead
  • That's So Rapin'
  • Cummi Bears (1985-1992/co-production with Hanna-Barbara and Merv Griffin/Jeff Marlin Enterprises)
  • The Wuzz's Ass (1983-1988/co-production with Hanna-Barbara and KingWorld)
  • Gaygoyles
  • Wizards of Hooker place
  • Hairy Nutsack inserted into an infant
  • Teacher's Bitch
  • Cavemen's Talespin (1990-1996/co-production with Hanna-Barbara)
  • My Friends Rag Picker Tigger and Winnie the Pooped (1987/co-production with Hanna-Barbara/Disco Jesus and The Teen Angels guested stared in this show)
  • The Disco Jesus and The Teen Angels Show (1986/co-production with Hanna-Barbara and KingWorld)
  • Mickey Mouse Club - Web-blog spectacular (2012 release date pending)

[edit] See Also

Personal tools
projects