Wallachia

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Latest revision as of 04:34, April 26, 2011


WalachiaMart-VladDrakul-logo

Drakul's bloodthirsty Walachia★Mart retail empire

Wallachia (or Walachia) is best known as home to Vlad III Dracula the Impaler, founder of the Walachia★Mart evil retail empire.

Walachia★Mart, distinctive for the blood-red Always! slogan and logo branded onto the corpses of those who stood in Walachia★Mart's way, was the first corporate retailer to resort to feeding smaller and more vulnerable would-be competitors such as Wool★Mart to ruthless, blood-thirsty corporate lawyers.

The blood of suppliers who refused to budge to Walachia★Mart's pricing demands flowed freely through Walachia and Transylvania as Vlad exercised his new-found powers for evil through ruthless control of the marketplaces.

Vlad was unstoppable.

Any trade guilds that might even think to oppose him were ruthlessly destroyed under Vlad's iron fist.

edit History

Chocula

Walachia★Mart's Vlad Drakul.

edit ♣ Vlad's Club

Not content to merely drive small retailers out of business in something that looked like an image straight from a Hallow'een horror movie, Vlad went on to invent the world's first Price Club.

Predecessor of modern big-box retailers such as CostlyCo, the operation of the Price Club was simple.

The suppliers gave Vlad the price he demanded or Vlad clubbed them into unconsciousness before drinking their blood and leaving them for dead.

With the launch of the Vlad's★Choice store brand, built upon the by-now famous charisma and growing legend of the store's founder, the message was clear... you do things Vlad's way; you have no choice.

No one dared stand up to the menace that was Vlad's★Club. No one.

edit War on America

Romania-Map

Walachia★Mart's blueprint for world domination.

By 1942, Vlad had established dominance over much of Europe. France was no obstacle; they'd surrender to anyone. Germany was a little more stubborn, but not even Hitler could match Walachia★Mart's team of corporate lawyers for pure, unadulterated evil.

Only one slimy bunch of miscreants stood in Vlad's way: America.

Unfortunately, America is the only place on earth with lawyers evil enough to be a match (and then some!) for Vlad himself.

In a blatant display of sheer American arrogance led by wretched tyrant George Dubya Bush, John-Boy Walton launched a chain of stores in Arkansas which looked suspiciously similar to Walachia★Mart, right down to the blood-red Always! slogan which Vlad had written with the blood of suppliers and rival merchants so many centuries earlier.

Romania was shocked... who did these upstarts think they were?

Nonetheless, America stood firm, their evil leader insisting that he, not Walachia★Mart, owned the letter W outright, along with the entire Sesame Street alphabet. The Americans would back down to no one.

Forcing first Russia to switch to Cyrillic characters and then China to simplified characters, Dubya was determined to claim his namesake letter for America and America only, even if he had to kill the citizens of any other country that stood in his way.

Vlad was ruthless, but ruthless enough to be a match for the folks who dropped the Adam Bomb on Hiroshima, blasting hundreds of thousands of civilians to their nuclear doom as simple revenge for those wretched Mazda cars?

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