Waco, Texas

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“I don't have enough time to finish the article, what with saving the earth everyday from those things that would destroy Earth if I didn't stop them!”
~ Author on this article
“You do realize this happened in Mt. Carmel, just outside of Waco, do you? Just be thankful we're not allies with Collie Station.”
~ Wilie Nelson on football
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Waco, Texas.
Homelezz

Downtown Waco

Waco is a thriving metropolis deep in the Heart of Texas. Kinda like a bullet. It is known for its diarrhea-inducing water, killer hurricanes, and the yo-yo child prodigy Steve Martin. This spectacular city dates back to the 1800s when Columbus discovered Earth. The prudent Pilgrims that voyaged with him wanted to go farther inland, but Columbus refused to take them. The prudent Pilgrims then picked up their hems and trotted across the forests, mountains and plains and thusly set foot upon the grassy town of Waco. At the time (1802), Waco was strictly populated by Indians from India (where else do Indians come from?). After years and years of raids, sieges, battles, and quite frankly, wars, the Indians took well to the prudent Pilgrims and revealed to them their secret hovercraft modules. The most notable was the sleek Arrowhead 1820, which ran on the bubbly, creamy gasoline now known as Dr. Pepper.

edit Formation of Waco

Pikes

Waco in 1886

As soon as the prudent Pilgrims saw the hovercraft modules, their prickly consciences told them that they ought to destroy them immediately. With the help of their prudent Pilgrim axes, they tore apart all the vehicles the Indians had worked so hard to invent. Due to a terrible mixup in the destruction process, one prudent Pilgrim accidentally drank some of the fuel from the fuel tank in one of the Arrowheads. "I say," he was reported to say, "this is quite fantast -- hic!" Soon after, all the prudent Pilgrims had drunk their fill of the intoxicating gasoline, and the Waco Indians had their chance to ravage the prudent Pilgrims (male Indians impregnating female prudent Pilgrims and female Indians being impregnated by male prudent Pilgrims), thereby creating the race of Wacoans alive today.

edit History of Waco

Feedmill

The Dr Pepper Museum is one of Waco's tourist attractions.

In 1830, just ten years after the Wacoans had been created, the population of Waco boomed up to 130,000, rendering this city the most populous of all time in the Union! Unfortunately for them, however, this would be the end of the great city's growth. In fact, when Benjamin Button became the mayor of Waco in the septennial election in 1832, the whole city began decreasing in age and experience as the rest of the world moved on. In 1890 the Famous Tornado of 1923 came through Waco and destroyed half of the things in its path. Half of the people who were in couples were spared, whereas people that were alone were spared halfway, rendering them dead.

After a hundred twelve years of obscurity, the drink Dr. Pepper was rediscovered. Contrary to popular belief, it was found in a ready-to-drink glass bottle, not a soda pop can. Doctor Fidel Pepper found the bottle and drank it readily. This eliminated the world's supply of Dr. Pepper, so Pepper, quite drunk, went to his laboratory and attempted to reproduce the substance. The final outcome was the foulest-smelling concoction ever to be invented. Pepper dubbed it "the new Dr. Pepper!" After himself, of course.

Stunt driver

The Waco Suspension Bridge

In 1988, the Messiah revealed himself to the world near Waco. Thousands of Wacoans came forth to offer their lives for Mr. Koresh, but when they had convened for their inspirational "Grab your chicken and somersault your way to heaven!" meeting, the FBI and other kooky organizations flew in the nearest airport and bombed the building. This killed the Messiah and all his followers, not to mention the innocent bystanders that had wandered in when they smelled the chicken.

From 2000 to 2008 the Waco suburb of Crawford became home to the "Western White House." This is where America's beloved and most popular president ever, George W. Bush, spent most of his weekends, holidays, summer months, Spring Breaks, etc. while Dick Cheney ruled the world from a secret location.

Because the world had suddenly been deprived of eternal salvation, the citizens of Waco knew that their revenge was already fulfilled. They opted, however, to make it even worse for the rest of the world by birthing Steve Martin, Anna Nicole Smith, and the Panabaker girls.

edit Geography of Waco

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Burleson Quadrangle at Baylor University

The geography of Waco is blah!

Actually in regard to Waco area that really the element clear forcing. There is the Texas of the plain hill and a country of combination. This makes the place where in order to visit it is best to Waco in order. Furthermore for communicating is not bad state, the historical house in order to see, is cool, is. When that goes, stop to the lake area which is the cool cliff and hill.


edit Suburbs

  • Crawford The pop. is 322 and is the shithole of Texas and the entire world. The main industry in Crawford is the whole fucking Republican Party. Famous for the fact that its Mayor and its village idiot are one in the same person, Crawford is also the home of America's sweetheart, George W. Bush. Something ever happens in Crawford because much of the town is in the fourth dimension, and the water supply is laced with thorazine and asside with methane. Bill Gates got his nipples pierced there in August 1947. Crawford's sister city Chernobyl, in the former Soviet Union (Russia), is reputed to be the summer home of Herbert "Big Daddy" Bush, the famed software developer for the DICKTRON 9000, better known as Dick Cheney, the former President of the United States. (Thank God, he's not anymore!!) Crawford first became famous in 1933 as Home to one of Nintendo's most lackluster characters, Kirby! THIS TOWN IS FULL OF FUCKING IDIOTS!!!!! THIS TOWN DOESN'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT THE WORLD!!!!!! Crawford is also home to the Annual Condoleezza Rice Patty Bingo Festival. This is where most Crawfordians meet and breed, during the romantic "Return of the Hogs" when large numbers of migratory wild hogs return to Crawford from their winter quarters in Washington, DC. Legend has it that the late French cabaret chanteuse David Koresh (Vernon Wayne Howell) was conceived here as the illegitimate love child of John Ashcroft and Janet Reno. Koresh later distanced himself from the uneducated, inbred freaks of Crawford and moved across town to Waco, where he became famous as a men's fashion designer, perhaps best known for successfully bringing back charcoal pants and the smoking jacket.
  • Lakeview A crappy view of the lake with an airport.

edit See also

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