Vuvuzela

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“Crikey! That vuvuzela thing is a bit of a tease, y'know, mate. The first time I heard it, I got all happy an' excited because I thought I was about to be stampeded by a herd of elephants! When someone told me it was just a silly plastic horn, it was a real let down.”
~ Steve Irwin on vuvuzela
“BBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.”
~ Vuvuzela on everything
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ at Wikipedia think they have an article about BZZZZZZZZZ.

The vuvuzela is a BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ prominent African torture device. A BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ motion to have it banned was put forth to the European Court of Human Rights shortly after the BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ FIFA Confederations Tournament in 2009, but the motion was overturned, as the judge who presided over the case had obviously never attended a BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ soccer game in South Africa.

HistorBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Archaeologists BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ have discovered caches of these diabolical devices dating back as far as 1200 AD. While forensic analysis suggests that it may have been invented as far back as the 9th century, most experts do agree that it came into widespread usage in the early BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 1800's, thanks largely to the Zulu tribe's use of it during that time period.

One of its notable uses was that BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Zulu villagers would use it to locate deaf, senile tribe elders, who had wandered off out into the savannah. In spite of the fact that they were mostly deaf and senile, the ungodly shrill of the BBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ vuvuzela was still a sound that even the deaf elders could still make out. This practice was somewhat counter-productive, however, as most of the time the elders' deafness could be attributed to the fact that when they were younger, they had been tasked with using the BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ vuvuzela to track down deaf elders who had wandered off.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ with the war-time success the Zulu tribe enjoyed during his reign. Modern historians agree that his tribe's victories should BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ lieutenant and second-in-command, Bullhorn "Loudnoise" Khumalo. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Khumalo, being the cunning strategist that he was, pioneered a method of scaring other tribes away from their villages for prolonged periods of time. He would entrust a vuvuzela to one of his scouts, who would then be responsible for making his way to the ouBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZtskirts of the enemy tribe's village.

Vuvuzela

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Once there, the scout would BZZZZZZZZZZZ furiously on the vuvuzela, giving the enemy tribe the impression that an angry herd of buffalo was about to stampede their village. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Of late, the vuvuzela has come into widespread use. Its strategic importance is paramount to South Africa's World Cup campaign. Given that South Africa's world ranking BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Outside of the soccer field, the vuvuzela also BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. In a manner not wholly unlike that used by the Zulus, the vuvuzela is still used to deafen unwitting tourists, giving any would-be muggers more than enough chance to BBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

FIFA World Cup 2010

Bp soccer

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Analysts have noted that there seems to be a correlation between BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ soccer, though any attempts to blame this on FIFA and the 2010 Soccer World Cup so far have been denounced by FIFA's BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, Sett Blatter. When asked for comment on the topic at a press briefing two weeks prior to the event, he stated emphatically, "The vuvuzela will not be banned. It may BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, but if the French get to be dicks to all the tourists who visit France, then it's only fair that South Africans get to be dicks to the rest of the world too".

Auto-Tune

In an unlikely twist of events, Dr. Andy Hildebrand, the creator of Auto-Tune, offered to have his company, Antares Audio Technologies, do spectrum analysis of the sound a vuvuzela makes in order to best understand how to engineer white-noise projectors to drown out the ungodly racket.

At a press briefing, Antares' press liaison stated that, "In an effort to make BBBBBBBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ reparations for the evil we are guilty of, we will be working with various sound engineers BBBBBBBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ to make the world a better place. Furthermore, Dr. Hildebrand apologises for getting rich whilst inflicting the hideous tastelessness of synthesized music that was popular during the 80's on the world all over again". He further added that Dr. Hildebrand has not slept a wink since Cher's last album was released in 2001.

In a press statement put out a few months later, BBBBBBBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Antares Audio Technologies stated, "While to the untrained ear, it may sound like a horde of stampeding buffalo or elephants, detailed spectrum analysis of the noise has revealed that the noise vuvuzelas make is BBBBBBBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ closer to a combination of two sounds, specifically, that of a nest of angry hornets, blended with the sound a hippopotamus makes when being gored by a rhino. For the good of humanity, a copy of our research will be made available to any sound engineers who submit a request for it, in the hopes that they can invent a device that drowns out the horrible sound these silly plastic horns make."

"In conclusion, we hope that this research benefits BBBBBBBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ humankind, and are ecstatic that people have found a sound that they hate more than what Auto-Tune has inflicted on the music BBBBBBBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZBBBBBBBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZBBBBBBBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZBBBBBBBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZBBBBBBBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

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