Vulcan
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“Who is this guy? Why are his ears pointy? GET HIM OUT OF MY HOUSE!”
~ Oscar Wilde on vulcans
“Oh! The Vulcanity!”
~ Surak
“An elf?!?”
~ Gimli
“VULCAN-icity!”
~ George the Volcano on Vulcan liquid.
A vulcan is an extraterrestrial with pointy ears. The most famous vulcans in the universe are Dr. Spock and his daughters Etna and Vesuvia.
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[edit] History
Vulcans have a really long and tedious history about them. Basically they live in a vulcanic desert land similar to Mars (which we will mention more of below). At some point, after the threat of nuclear proliferation (look here for a similar story concerning another alien race), the Vulcans decided to destroy that which was responsible for much of the misery in the world, that, turned out to be emotion. After a while of deliberating how this doctrine would be put into effect, a cult called the Siddhists (named after prophet Sid) miraculously breached their more violent kin's retributions and immediately took over, disarming all the world's nations without having compromising their values. With war and the cause of such out of the way, they decided to concentrate on more important things such as space travel. The end.
[edit] Not the End (Influence in the Universe)
Vulcans are the ancestor of Romulans as well as Martians, in turn, the Martians are the ancestors of Asian people (Thals) and cephalopods (Dals). Interestingly, on earth, the Thals descendants eat Dals. On Mars, however, Dals eat Thals, especially since they travel in large tripods, or Daleks).
So, Vulcans are basically very important.
[edit] Vulcan Religion
Historically, Vulcan's main religion was Siddhism. There is an extremist group within Siddhism that had taken power many times, called Aspergersianism, an Aspergersian priest is called an Auty (those who have given up ALL emotion). Almost all Vulcans pride themselves on being very wise and snobby. If, however, you Stumbleupon a lost Vulcan, he/she/it will grant you 2 wishes. (The wishes have to include something about ultimate power or else it won't work.) If you decide to take the wishes, you're doomed, OR, you can grab an axe and hack away at their 5 foot (8 meter) (50 caterpillar) (500,000 M&Ms) legs until he/she/it falls to the ground. This will take around 2-56 turns. When the Vulcan is on the ground, grab a steak and hammer it into his/hers/it's mouth to kill it, because they are vegetarians and meat overloads their brain until it EXPLODES. Then chop off its ears and travel to Kashyyyk, the Wookie home world and speak to Jabba the Hutt. It will give you a nice reward.
[edit] Vulcan Culture
Vulcans like Spock are notorious for their outbursts of anger and rage. These outbursts are called eruptions and are categorized as fascinating by most scientists who specialize in extraterrestrial life forms. Angry Vulcans are prized for their usefulness as machine guns in battle, or you can throw them into a large group of people and watch them all asplode. They also catch a fairly good price on the black market.
[edit] Vulcan Physiology
One notable aspect of Vulcan life is the "Pon-Farrr", in which a Vulcan returns to his home planet every eighty-three months to commit ritual screwicide. This planet-wide fuckfest is believed by many to be the only reason why vulcans and those humans who live amongst them don't all kill themselves.
According to famous scientist Omochao, Vulcans are capable of destroying wooden containers.
