Von Bobby John
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"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure, and never a redneck."
~ Oscar Wilde on Von Bobby John
"It's Von, Bobby Jon! The Love is gone!"
~ Gnarls Barkley on Von Bobby John
|Order:||4th Chancellor of Germany|
|Term of Office:||1945 - the end of time|
|Date of Birth:||1901|
|Date of Death:||1901|
|Political Party:||Illiterate Youth Party|
|Profession:||Professional Squirrel Cook|
Von Bobby John, born Bobby John, was the 4th Chancellor of Germany. Born in the Ozarks, Bobby John was raised by southern baptists in the Commonwealth of Kentuckistan, before being lost in his daily commute only to find himself in Berlin, Germany.
Bobby John was not remotely German, and for this he was widely accepted as a fuckhead because Germans were used to the concept of foreign rulers. After becoming Chancellor, loyal German admirers renamed him Von Bobby John, as this sounds much more German.
Von Bobby John proclaimed the superiority of the German race, as well as having a full set of teeth, neither of which applied to him. He had a certain eloquence in his garbled speech, which rallied crowds and brought them to their feet. His authoritarian and egomaniacal tendencies led him to declare war on inatimate objects, decrying their impurity. His life came to an all too sudden end when he declared war on air, afterwards finding that air was much too well trained in the art of guerilla warfare. He was killed in his mansion in Berlin by an airborne disease. Bobby John also introduced the mullet hairstyle to the Germans.
|Chancellor of Germany|